(Closed) Rehearsal dinner …. culture clash ??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m in Canada, where rehearsal dinners aren’t yet as big as they are in the US.  I think the trend is going in that direction though.

The only people who need to be at the dinner are those who are at the rehearsal, plus SOs.  By including everyone, they still aren’t attending all the event, as I assume they aren’t all going to be at the rehearsal.

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

While I may not fully agree with excluding the rest of the out-of-town guests, if your Future Father-In-Law is hosting, he has quite a bit of input into the guest list, even moreso if he is actually hosting in his home and cooking.  Your best option may be to ask Future Father-In-Law to host a pre-rehearsal luncheon for the bridal party and parents, then you and your fi host (as in, arrange and pay for) a happy hour type reception or a very casual dinner for all out-of-town guests.

 

Post # 5
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Would your family expect to see you the day before the wedding?  If you don’t even normally do rehearsal dinner’s, they probably don’t expect it and usually the bride and her immediate family are busy the day before.  If that’s the case, I would let Future Father-In-Law keep his invitation list as is.  Spend time with everyone at the wedding and once you’re married!

Post # 6
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Could you plan a welcome activity with those relatives instead? A lunch, cocktail hour, some kind of group activity? If not, what about a breakfast with everyone the day after the wedding?

My Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law are hosting an immediate family-only rehearsal dinner (we’re not doing a bridal party). We’re providing personalized suggestions of where people can dine the night before the wedding, then we’re having a breakfast for out of town guests the next day.

Post # 8
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@leecy87:  If you’re doing this on your FFIL’s dime then I think he has a lot of input as far as the guest list is concerned. If you want to invite all your out of town guests then you should host and pay for it and ask your Future Father-In-Law to host an intimate post-wedding brunch the next day or something like that. 

Post # 10
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@leecy87:  If you guys are contributing I still think it sounds like a lot for Future Father-In-Law to do.

Post # 11
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We plan on having out of town guests coming in the night before, but we cannot afford to host them at the rehearsal dinner. We will already have our parents, grandma, and wedding party, plus the wedding party members’ immediate family since they are cousins and close friends. That’s gonna be at least 20 people. So instead of inviting all of the out of town guests to the actual rehearsal dinner, we are inviting them out for cocktails after that. That way we get to see everyone and be good hosts, but we don’t have to shell out the $$ and find a place to accommodate everyone.

When I went to a destination wedding that took me over 24 hours to get to (we live in California; it was in the UK) I was invited to the rehearsal dinner because 1. I had traveled so far to get there 2. there weren’t that many non-family and non-wedding party friends there so the group was small. I appreciated that. If people had to travel really far to get to us or our guest list was smaller, we’d probably do the same thing.

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