(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner dRaMa!!!

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I agree that it’s very strange that your Out of Town family isn’t included…we didn’t extend our rehearsal dinner invites to Out of Town guests (just Out of Town family) so I can’t help you there. If we did that, we’d have nearly everyone attending the rehearsal dinner! ๐Ÿ™‚

If I were in your shoes, I would be miffed to have to negotiate with FMIL to get your grandparents invited as well as SO’s for the wedding party. That’s pretty standard as is Out of Town family that arrive the night before. That being said, perhaps it’s a money issue (and if it is – then the backyard BBQ would be a better bet!) Has she said WHY she is trying to keep it small?

My Mom offered to pay for her Out of Town family so that my FIL’s didn’t have to pay too much. They graciously declined the offer, but it was nice that my parents would have covered the cost so that all of our family can be there.

Post # 4
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Girl, I totally agree with you that you should have everyone there that you want.  Not inviting your grandparents?! REALLY FMIL?  come on.  rude.  I am having an outdoor bbq, and my parents HATE the idea…they think its classless, and I don’t care.  I feel it fits my Fiance and my laid-back, happy-go-lucky attude.  Everyone can relax, enjoy a good pulled pork sandwich and an ice cold beer.  If your Future Mother-In-Law is not wanting to invite everyone because she wants to keep the cost down (seems what it is) then she shouldn’t have picked a fancy restaurant.  If she wont budge, do you have it in your budget to throw your own bbq like you had planned?  My FH’s parents are in another country, so won’t be attending this wedding (we’re having two) so FH is footing the rehersal dinner bill—and that means WE call all the shots, not parents.  Just an option to consider for you.

Post # 6
46374 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I guess I’m going to be on the other side of the fence by myself. Your Out of Town guests are coming for your wedding, not your rehearsal or your rehearsal dinner. They will  get dinner at the wedding reception.

If the groom’s parents are hosting, they get to decide who is invited. It is not at all unusual that the guest list for a rehearsal dinner is limited to the wedding party and their SO’s, and very close family members on both sides.

It is actually a fairly recent trend for SOME NOT ALL rehearsal dinners to  include OOT’s.

If you want more say in the guest list, host the dinner yourselves.

Post # 7
4333 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree that at the very least, the bridal party SOs and your grandparents should be included.

For other Out of Town guests? It’s nice, but not required. What we’re doing is following the rehearsal dinner up with a campfire party at my parents’ house that everyone is invited to (local guests, Out of Town guests who are already in town, etc.) – could you add something like that?

Post # 8
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@julies1949:  I agree with this.

We only had bridal party and guests because I find the Out of Town thing to be a bit arbitrary.  But we were hosting so we could decide who we wanted there.  If she’s hosting, she can decide who is there. 

Post # 9
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If i invited all of my oot guest it would be about 65% of our guest list. So we are doing only bridalparent parents and grandparents. I do think your Future Mother-In-Law should have told you before making an excutive decision on this. I think picking the place, what she offers, and all that is up to her, but she should consult on the guest list. If you  guys want more people there, and she not willing to pay for it, then you have to foot the bill.

Post # 10
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@julies1949:  I agree with this too.  It may be a nice gesture to include Out of Town guests at the rehearsal dinner, but it’s certainly not a requirement.  And if your in-laws are hosting and paying for the dinner, they get to ultimately decide who gets invited.

Post # 12
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We would have loved to have our rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant, but we really wanted all of our out of town guests to be included since most were flying from 3,000+ to be at our wedding. We are ordering food from a restaurant and having it delivered to a house we reserved near our venue for friends and family to stay at. It’s not as fancy as a sit down dinner, but we can’t wait to have this extra time with our guests before the wedding, and we know they’ll appreciate it as well. We’re paying for our wedding ourselves, so it made that decision easier.

Is there any way to pony up the cash for your other Out of Town guests?

Post # 13
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@julies1949:  I agree

If they are hosting, they can set the guest list.  However, if you want to plan something AFTER the rehearsal dinner (like a cocktail reception) and invite all the other out-of-town guests, you can certainly do that on your own.  We actually had our rehearsal dinner (bridal party & SOs only) on Thursday night, and then did an open house/happy hour type of thing on Friday night which all OOTs were invited to, not wanting to burden the Future In-Laws with hosting all of the Out of Town guests.

Post # 14
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

While I think you have a good reason to be upset about the lack of invitations for your grandparents and SOs of the bridal party, I can understand your FMIL’s point about not inviting all Out of Town guests.  While it would be a nice gesture, I don’t think you are required to host all Out of Town guests the night before.   Perhaps your Future Mother-In-Law is just excited to plan some part of your wedding since the MOGs aren’t usually too involved?  

If we invited all of our Out of Town family to our rehearsal, we’d pretty much have another wedding reception the night before.  Maybe you could throw a morning after the wedding celebratory brunch/bbq and invite all the Out of Town guests/family.  

Post # 15
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

We aren’t having Out of Town guests attend – but we are inviting Out of Town guests…well really, EVERYONE….to join us for drinks after the rehersal dinner dies out. We will not be paying for said drinks though. 

Post # 16
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

According to my etiquette guru, Emily Post, out of towners are not an invite must- if your budget allows, it’s a nice touch, but not required. 

Your Future Mother-In-Law *should* have included bridal party guests and grandparents in the original list (and siblings, too, if they’re not already included.) However aunts, uncles, etc. are on their own. Like some PPs, we’re inviting the other Out of Town guests to join us afterwards for drinks (FI and I are paying for Rehearsal Dinner.)

I’ve been to rehearsal dinners with 20 and 60 people, and preferred the smaller events so much more.  

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