(Closed) Rehearsal dinner etiquette

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

I love your solution.  let the MOG do what they want, it’s better than starting a large family fight.  And you still have your rehearsal dinner. I would also move the rehearsal to the night of the "shrimp boil".

Be proud that you could be the bigger person!

Fortunatly, I don’t have a situation like this.  I have to fly my Future Mother-In-Law in from florida on my penny and pay for the rehearsal dinner.  So, sorry, but I’m no help.

Post # 4
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We are also in the situation of having to host our own Rehearsal Dinner, as well as pay for hotel for FI’s mom for the weekend, as she is retired and has been really just getting by since his father passed away last year.  We offered to pay for her dress, but I think his brother covered that.

I think your solution is a good one, and I second that moving the rehearsal to the evening of the shrimp boil is a good idea if possible.  The groom’s family is then in the weird position of holding a reception prior to the wedding, and committing multiple and various breaches of normal etiquette, not the least of which is inviting people not invited to the wedding, turning a social event into some kind of business function (maybe they’re going for the tax write-off?) and implying that gifts are expected.  Not much the bride and groom (and you) can do short of boycotting the formal Rehearsal Dinner – although certainly you can all excuse yourselves early to get lots of rest before the big day.

It cracks me up that she wants the whole guest list.  I suppose it saves anyone that you consider a friend and therefore invited to the wedding from the experience of the Rehearsal Dinner, and you might want to give it to her on that basis alone.  Or you could ask her to forward the list of "mutual friends" about which she is concerned, and tell her you will verify for her whether or not they got an invitation.

I am sure that the groom’s family friends are more than familiar with this kind of ostentatious behavior, as I’m sure it’s not the first time she’s done something like this.  Just smile, and if any of the guests says anything to you about it, make it clear that it’s entirely the MOG’s party!

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