Post # 1
Some background to start. Our wedding isn’t huge, in the end there will be about 90 people in total. We are having an outdoor rustic celebration and are keeping it casual and fun.
So, on to my issue:
My future IL’s are hosting the rehearsal dinner and we started out just talking about inviting the wedding party, their dates and my grandma’s because they can’t be alone and if they couldn’t come then my dad wouldn’t come to the dinner. Not okay for him not to come.
However, they have now approached fiance (not me, he passed on this info) about opening the dinner up to everyone who will be in town the day before the wedding…roughly 45 people (that’s more than half the wedding!) and my worry is that if we are having a large sit down dinner the night before our wedding (which is a large sit down dinner) it will overshadow the wedding and the day will lose some magic.
I started out thinking it was a great idea, but the more I thought about it the more uncomfortable I became. It’s so generous though and I feel bad voicing my feelings about it, but I worked so hard on my wedding and want that to be the center of attention.
What do my fellow bees think? Am I over reacting or do you agree with me?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
It’s a nice gesture if you have the budget, but you’re not required to invite Out of Town guests. The rehearsal dinner’s supposed to be intimate, and I agree that inviting half the wedding guests seems excessive. I don’t think it would take away from the wedding day, but why not invite all the guests, if half will be there, you know?
Post # 4
We had a 95 person wedding with maybe half out oftown. We opted to invite everyone to therehearsal BBQ which we did in my patents backyard (overlooks a lake, nice views.did thought it added to the weekend – let us spend more time with people particularly the Out of Town people. About 20 came to the BBQ that didnt the wedding and vice versa, whom we otherwise wouldn’t have seen. There is no overshadowing of a wedding!
Post # 5
@kay01: I get what you mean Kay. I think if it was a fun backyard BBQ I might be more easy on the thought of it all. It’s the fact that it’s a catered, formal sit down dinner I guess…just feels a lot like the wedding dinner to me. Everyone is from Out of Town at my wedding and everyone who would come to the dinner would also be at the wedding, we wouldn’t not get to see them, but you bring up a good point of being able to spend more time with everyone. I guess I just wish it was less formal. Maybe since they are paying for it I should just keep my mouth shut, but I’m just not sure how I feel.
Post # 6
Could you have a less formal rehearsal dinner if you are worried about it “overshadowing” your wedding? I don’t really think anything could overshower your wedding, but just as an alternate option. We are having a BBQ at the resort we are getting married at, and getting a few 24s of beer and coolers. We will have around 40 guests (out of 90 who are coming to the wedding).
Post # 7
what about have an after wedding BBQ for the Out of Town guests?
A few of the weddings I went to did that. It was great to able to chat with the newlyweds in a very casual, relaxing environment.
Post # 8
I’m not going to lie, I was in a wedding last year where the rehearsal dinner overshadowed the wedding. Even the bride admits that the rehearsal was more fun than the wedding. The groom’s parents were TOTALLY showing off – cocktail hour in North America’s largest wine cellar with sabred champagne and raw oysters as passed appetizers, a plated three course meal with open bar, and an ice room for vodka tasting. About half of the wedding guests were at the rehearsal.
The wedding was BEAUTIFUL, but wasn’t nearly extravagant as the rehearsal. If you’re okay with that possibility, then have fun with the rehearsal dinner! That one was a blast, and it was a lot of fun to bond with the rest of the Wedding Party too 🙂
Post # 9
We considered having all wedding guests in town come to the reh dinner but after all of us thought about it we ended up cutting it to family and out of state guests only. It’s still 45 invites but at least it’s not 130. Maybe just talk to your Future Mother-In-Law about this and bring up the fact that you are worried that the reh dinner will be too big and you want it to be intimate so you can spend the night as family effort the bdelay. She may agree, she may not. But is worth a try to bring it up. She may not be thinking about the fact that that’s half the guest list, you might as well just have the wedding then! 😉
Post # 10
@FutureMrsTimmins: I WISH it could be less formal – that’s what Fiance and I requested right from the beginning, but they have basically gone over our heads and decided what they want – right down to the menu! I just heard they want a full turkey dinner! You have to be kidding, right? It’s the night before my wedding!!!!
@jellybellybear: Not really an option since all of the guests will have to go back to their homes on Sunday morning…it’s a 3+ hr drive for most people.
@Ellegee: I’m NOT okay with that possibility, that’s the problem…but I don’t seem to be being consulted about anything either. Like guests or the menu…turkey dinner…god….
@MsJ2theZ: I’m hoping that’s the case, maybe when she reads my polite email stating my concerns she’ll suddenly grow a halo and wings and opt to go along with what the bride and groom actually want….*lol* but probably not, the best I can hope for is that she sees where i’m coming from and talks about it with me and hopefully about the menu too. Just seems like way to heavy of a dinner. After Thanksgiving all I want to do is unbutton my jeans and relax…not the best idea for the day before the wedding with everyone fitting into summer dresses and me into my form fitting gown….
Post # 11
@Miss_Dr.Pepper: I just noticed we are one week apart! Barely a month left!
Post # 12
@Miss_Dr.Pepper: In that case, seriuosly put your foot down. Explain what you’re looking forward to for the actual wedding and reception, and why you think it would be respectful to reserve some of the excitement/surprise/etc. for the wedding.
Like I said, with that wedding I was in last summer, the Rehearsal Dinner totally overshadowed the actual reception. Plus, myself, another Bridesmaid or Best Man, and all of the Groomsmen were waaaay too hungover the next morning but that’s our own issue 🙂 The bride isn’t mad that the Rehearsal Dinner was over the top, but the way that she describes it is that her ILs were “showing off”.
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
My ILs wanted to invite all Out of Town guests and family, which was 3/4 of our 82 guests. We would’ve preferred something smaller, but we ended up having a wonderful rehearsal and it did not at all overshadow the wedding.
Post # 14
We’re inviting all Out of Town to the rehearsal dinner and yes, about half of the wedding attendees will be there. So, if you IL are generous enough to offer to host all of the Out of Town people, I guess my question is wouldn’t you want to get to spend more time with them? The made the effort to come in for your event so it would be nice to be able to see them and catch up.
Post # 15
How is the rehearsal dinner going to overshadow the wedding? Only invite essential personnel to the rehearsal, and let the hosts invite whomever they want to the rehearsal. If these are out of town guests, are you going to have other opportunities to sit down and talk? Because I doubt you will at the wedding itself.
Our rehearsal is likely going to be more swanky than the wedding, but I’m looking forward to seeing as many out of town guests as I can, for as long as I can.
Post # 16
If you’re worried about it overshadowing the actual wedding, then either make it not a dinner and serve hors d’ouevres and make it super casual or let them know that you want to keep it small.