(Closed) Rehearsal dinner feels a bit to large….will the wedding be overshadowed?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should more than half the wedding guests be invited to the rehearsal dinner?
    No! : (44 votes)
    62 %
    Yes! : (27 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4193 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    It’s a nice gesture if you have the budget, but you’re not required to invite Out of Town guests. The rehearsal dinner’s supposed to be intimate, and I agree that inviting half the wedding guests seems excessive. I don’t think it would take away from the wedding day, but why not invite all the guests, if half will be there, you know?

    Post # 4
    Member
    3461 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We had a 95 person wedding with maybe half out oftown. We opted to invite everyone to therehearsal BBQ which we did in my patents backyard (overlooks a lake, nice views.did thought it added to the weekend – let us spend more time with people particularly the Out of Town people. About 20 came to the BBQ that didnt the wedding and vice versa, whom we otherwise wouldn’t have seen. There is no overshadowing of a wedding!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1002 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Could you have a less formal rehearsal dinner if you are worried about it “overshadowing” your wedding? I don’t really think anything could overshower your wedding, but just as an alternate option. We are having a BBQ at the resort we are getting married at, and getting a few 24s of beer and coolers. We will have around 40 guests (out of 90 who are coming to the wedding).

    Post # 7
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    what about have an after wedding BBQ for the Out of Town guests?

    A few of the weddings I went to did that. It was great to able to chat with the newlyweds in a very casual, relaxing environment.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m not going to lie, I was in a wedding last year where the rehearsal dinner overshadowed the wedding.  Even the bride admits that the rehearsal was more fun than the wedding.  The groom’s parents were TOTALLY showing off – cocktail hour in North America’s largest wine cellar with sabred champagne and raw oysters as passed appetizers, a plated three course meal with open bar, and an ice room for vodka tasting.  About half of the wedding guests were at the rehearsal.

    The wedding was BEAUTIFUL, but wasn’t nearly extravagant as the rehearsal.  If you’re okay with that possibility, then have fun with the rehearsal dinner!  That one was a blast, and it was a lot of fun to bond with the rest of the Wedding Party too 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    5662 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We considered having all wedding guests in town come to the reh dinner but after all of us thought about it we ended up cutting it to family and out of state guests only. It’s still 45 invites but at least it’s not 130. Maybe just talk to your Future Mother-In-Law about this and bring up the fact that you are worried that the reh dinner will be too big and you want it to be intimate so you can spend the night as family effort the bdelay. She may agree, she may not. But is worth a try to bring it up. She may not be thinking about the fact that that’s half the guest list, you might as well just have the wedding then! 😉

    Post # 11
    Member
    5662 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Miss_Dr.Pepper:  I just noticed we are one week apart! Barely a month left!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @Miss_Dr.Pepper:  In that case, seriuosly put your foot down.  Explain what you’re looking forward to for the actual wedding and reception, and why you think it would be respectful to reserve some of the excitement/surprise/etc. for the wedding. 

    Like I said, with that wedding I was in last summer, the Rehearsal Dinner totally overshadowed the actual reception.  Plus, myself, another Bridesmaid or Best Man, and all of the Groomsmen were waaaay too hungover the next morning but that’s our own issue 🙂  The bride isn’t mad that the Rehearsal Dinner was over the top, but the way that she describes it is that her ILs were “showing off”.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    My ILs wanted to invite all Out of Town guests and family, which was 3/4 of our 82 guests. We would’ve preferred something smaller, but we ended up having a wonderful rehearsal and it did not at all overshadow the wedding.

    Post # 14
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We’re inviting all Out of Town to the rehearsal dinner and yes, about half of the wedding attendees will be there.  So, if you IL are generous enough to offer to host all of the Out of Town people, I guess my question is wouldn’t you want to get to spend more time with them?  The made the effort to come in for your event so it would be nice to be able to see them and catch up.

    Post # 15
    Member
    745 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    How is the rehearsal dinner going to overshadow the wedding? Only invite essential personnel to the rehearsal, and let the hosts invite whomever they want to the rehearsal. If these are out of town guests, are you going to have other opportunities to sit down and talk? Because I doubt you will at the wedding itself. 

    Our rehearsal is likely going to be more swanky than the wedding, but I’m looking forward to seeing as many out of town guests as I can, for as long as I can.

    Post # 16
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If you’re worried about it overshadowing the actual wedding, then either make it not a dinner and serve hors d’ouevres and make it super casual or let them know that you want to keep it small.

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