Post # 1
I’m wanting to have a smaller rehearsal dinner. So far it’s looking like the guest list will be:
Our Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man
Their two kids
Our other bridesmaid and groomsman
The two of us
That’s a total of 12. Now, there are a few people I’m not sure I have to/need to/should invite. My brother and sister-in-law and I have not been on the best of terms for the past year. I recently met with my brother and we reached some kind of peace. I still don’t think our relationship will be what it was years ago. They’re not in our wedding party, and I haven’t seen much effort on their part to include me in family events (like birthdays of my nephew and niece). Must I invite them? They’re going to get invited to the wedding though…
And my minister… We are paying someone to officiate for us who we found on the internet. He does weddings primarily. He’ll be doing our rehearsal as well. He seems really get-down-to-business and charges people extra if their ceremony goes over the contracted hour, so I’m sure he doesn’t stick around for things after his services have been rendered. Are you supposed to invite your officiant, even if you’re not having a religious ceremony/know them on a weekly church basis?
Finally, my wedding planner. Those of you with wedding planners, did you invite yours?
I just don’t want to be rude or exclude anyone that I have to/need to include.
Post # 2
You are supposed to invite siblings and the officiant, but personally I feel like people need to plan events the way they want and not be too concerned with what you are “supposed to” do. In your case I would say do not invite your brother and SIL or the officiant if you don’t want to.
Post # 3
ive seen rehearsal dinners that have basically been like a mini wedding.
for our rehearsal dinner the only people invited were our parents, siblings, and the wedding party.
I think it would be nice to invite your wedding planner! She could be a great help and give some pointers when you are doing your rehearsal.
Post # 4
The rehearsal dinner (to my understanding) is for the bridal party immediate family and out of town guests. I don’t think you would include an officiant who is essentially a vendor. As for the complicated relationship with your brother I am not sure you are obligated to invite people who are not invited to the wedding… I’m sure more etiquette oriented bees can be be more specific but that’s my understanding.
Post # 5
We’re inviting our parent, grandparents, siblings (who are all in the bridal party), the other members of the bridal party (and their dates), our flower girl (and her mother and grandparents – my aunt and uncle), our officiant (who is a childhood friend of FI’s) and whoever we ask to do our reading (either my cousin or aunt). Plus my uncle who is hosting the rehearsal dinner at his townhouse. In total, it comes to 25 people.
We’re also having a welcome party type thing afterwards at a nearby bar for all of our out of town guests (around 75 people).
Post # 6
If I were you, I’d definitely invite the officiant and planner. See how they want things to flow, and they can be better prepared for the next day! 🙂 No need to invite people who are just going to be bored and complain and aren’t on good terms with you. They’re coming to the wedding anyway.
Post # 7
I would also invite the officiant and wedding planner. We also are giving plus ones to our wedding party for the rehearsal dinner, but they are all traveling for the wedding.
Post # 8
My in laws hosted our rehearsal dinner and they did it the traditional way which was our immediate families, the bridal party and their significant others, and all out of town guests. In total we ended up having around 40 people. Now that I think about it, I feel like a jerk for not extending an invite out to our officiant. I think it would be a nice gesture to invite the officiant and the wedding planner!
Post # 9
In this case, I would not invite the officiant. For me it would be different if it were a minister or pastor with whom you had a relationship, but this would be like inviting a stranger to a famiily dinner.
I would invite the planner and your brother and sister-in-law. It’s always nice if you can take the high road.
Inviting OOT’s is purey optional.
Post # 10
That’s the past few rehearsal dinners I’ve been to. The cost is just ridiculous, and I’m sitting here wondering…. “why are we having a huge dinner the night before a huge dinner?”
Post # 11
lol i agree. I would keep it as small as possible bc my outlook on rehearsal dinners is if you are not in the wedding party, then you dont need fo be there. Unless you have Out of Town guests, but even then I am on the fence about it bc what are they gonna do? Just sit and watch?
Post # 12
I’d invite your brother and SIL. Even if you aren’t extremely close, it seems like the right thing to do since they’re immediate family.
i wouldn’t invite the officiant and I wouldn’t invite the wedding planner though.