Post # 1
So I’m exactly 4 months out from my rehearsal dinner date and I havent a clue of whats going to be happening. I know typically a lot of parents like to take over and have their own “thing”. Fiance and I are throwing the wedding totally on our own aside from my dress (my parents) and his suit (his parents), and the topic of the Rehearsal Dinner hasn’t come up with the parents yet.
My parents live on the other side of the country and will be flying in the week of the wedding. They are giving us a generous wedding gift of money that we can use towards the wedding or whatever we like, but FI’s parents who live here…. and have voiced off on many other typical traditions havent said a word about Rehearsal Dinner or contributing anything. Fiance and I are going to be hosting several people at our house the week of (because all my fam is OOT), so we wont really have the room/organization to have it at our place.
We dont mind hosting it in terms of cost… its more location and organizing the damn thing I need someone to take over! Were getting married, building a house thats going to be ready in aug/sept, and in turn needing to sell our house all at the same time… planning the Rehearsal Dinner is something I kinda want off my plate…. but how do I tackfully say…..SO….. cant you do this or what? lol. I know my mom would love to help but there’s only so much she can do from 5000 miles away (and we’re not wanting like a real venue..$$$$….. just like a bbq thing)
A problem may be that Future Mother-In-Law has a job that she does shift work and her shifts are changing soon and she might be working weekends soon….(she might actually have to fake sick for our WEDDING….) so… I dont even know if shes going to even be at our rehearsal??? let alone be able to throw it…. but I kinda need to start making arrangements…..
Post # 3
There is no polite way to ask someone else to host/organize a party for you.
But that mean you have to have something extravagant. there is no reason you cannot just go to a local pizza joint and order a few pies, with only those directly involves in the rehersal.
Post # 4
We haven’t heard anything either so basically we are just doing what we can afford. Depending on how many we will either just order pizza or go out for Thai.
Post # 5
I would have your Fiance ask them. If he doesn’t want to or they don’t want to host it, either you skip it or do out yourself. My FI’s parents are divorced and not well off financially, so we didn’t even ask them, we are just doing a low key one ourselves.
Post # 6
@shanbp: Although you don’t normally ask someone to host a party, sometimes you just have to be a little more realistic and practical.
Too many families walk around on tiptoes afraid to say anything in case someone is offended and that just causes more troubles and frustration for everyone.
If you live in an area where it is tradtional for the groom’s family to host the Rehearsal Dinner, I would get your Fiance to ask his parents if they are planning on hosting the dinner. He can phrase it that you are completely ready and willing to do it yourself, but you don’t want to step on their toes if they do want to host the dinner. They may be planning on doing it, but are just a little slower to get down to the nitty gritty.
Post # 7
Here is what I recommend. Since you don’t really want to ask someone to do it for you, you could start mentioning some ideas you have for the rehearsal dinner. Make sure you talk about it around your Future Mother-In-Law. See if she offers to help or what she has to say. If she doesn’t say anything, then you know you are on your own. If she offers to help, let her know that you REALLY appreciate it. If no one else offers help, and you know you don’t have much time, cater the food into wherever you are having the rehearsal dinner. Or you can go to a steakhouse and everyone can order what they want and then you are all done. Just find a place, call ahead and let them know how many tables or sections you want put aside for you. But be sure to check in with the place before rehearsal to make sure they still have your tables put aside.
Most people want to help you out in some way and are waiting for you to ask them, even though you would think it should be the other way around when it’s your wedding. Some will feel offended if you don’t ask them to join you in the planning.
Best of luck!
Post # 8
It sounds like if they haven’t mentioned it, they do not wish to plan it or pay for it. I think you will just have to take care of it yourself. Maybe your Fiance could take the lead. Rehearsal dinners are super easy to plan, I’m sure it wouldn’t take a lot of your time. Mine was done all over the phone.
Post # 9
thanks guys. Ya maybe i’ll start dropping hints at ideas of what we want to do when they are in earshot and see if they say anything…. lol
It’s definatly not that we expect them to pay for it, I just kinda need someone to organize, and it cant be at our house. I suppose a cheap place like a pizzaria or something would work. We dont want a venue thats going to cost much as we have a LOT of people who need to be there/involved in the wedding.