(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner – how big is yours/who is invited?

posted 12 years ago in Parties
  • poll:

    25 or less

    25-50 people

    50-75 people

    75+ people

    bridal party only

    bridal party and immediate family

    bridal party and family (including extended family)

    all out of town guests

    all guests

  • Post # 18
    Member
    1407 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Wow, your Future Mother-In-Law is out of line if she is not paying for this! I’m sorry to hear you have to deal with this.

    My mom really wanted out of town guests and extended family but that honestly would have been 80% of our 200+ guest list. I, like many others on this thread, am looking forward to something more intimate and low-key. Still, it is traditional in my mom’s family so she is still having a hard time with it, but this was how my Future In-Laws wanted to do it and I backed them. Whoever is hosting it should make the call!

    Post # 19
    Member
    266 posts
    Helper bee

    Don’t let her ruin your day. 

    She doesn’t get a say in the rd if she is not paying.  Normally I would say try to make her happy but she is just being unreasonable. 

    Do you think there is something wrong with her?  Does she usually act like this?

    Post # 20
    Member
    2297 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    We had a really small ceremony, with only a dozen guests.  We rented a big house for everyone to stay in, and ordered in pizza the night before.

    The only guest who was local was my former sister-in-law.  My ex-husband spent the night at her place, so they didn’t come, although they were told they were welcome if they wanted to.  So, all guests were invited, and all the Out of Town ones except my ex-husband came.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2593 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We’re doing just the bridal party (and our readers) and immediate family. Altogether about 25 peopleish.

    Post # 22
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Bridesmaids, Guest Book Attendant and Spouses (16)

    Groomsmen and Ushers and Spouses (19)

    My parents, grandparents, Aunt and Uncle, and my brothers (7)

    Fiancé’s parents, grandparents, Aunt and Uncle, Brothers and Sisters (Children and ring bearers and flower girls) (12)

    Pastor and Wife (2)

    Important Family Friends (7)

    Bride and Groom!! 
     

    TOATAL: 65 !!! 

    Post # 23
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Do what YOU want! She is very obviously not a cool person, and I don’t want you to even worry one little bit what she thinks. I thought your compromise of Rehearsal Dinner lunch, cocktail reception was spot on and it’s too bad that she is such a selfish pig. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    That’s utterly bizarre that your Future Mother-In-Law is making demands about the rehearsal dinner guest list when she isn’t even paying. How odd. I think your parents, who are presumably organizing and hosting the thing, should just ignore her.

    Most of our guests are Out of Town. Personally, I love the idea of inviting all the Out of Town guests to the rehearsal dinner, because I want to extend the joy of the feeling of community and coming together for more than just the wedding night. But that’s a very different situation for us, because we’ll only have about 60 guests at the wedding, so that’s about 40 at the rehearsal dinner. My Future In-Laws are hosting the rehearsal dinner so I’ve been very hands-off as far as any involvement with planning it, except when Future Mother-In-Law asked for my input on venue and menu (can I say, btw, YUM). Though, I will guess that they are going to just ask me who should be invited once they do get to the point of sending invitations.

    Post # 25
    Member
    958 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If we invited all of our Out of Town guests, it would be 95% of the guest list.  Ours is just bridal party and family, about 50 people.

    Really, it’s up to the hosts to who is invited.

    Post # 26
    Member
    686 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    There is absolutely no way I could invite all my Out of Town guests to the rehearsal dinner.  That’s well over 100 people!  Might as well make it a second wedding while we’re at it!  Granted, most of the Out of Town guests wouldn’t come anyway because that would mean staying two nights in a hotel, which isn’t cheap in August.  The rehearsal dinner is for the people who come to the rehearsal, and that’s only the people who need to rehearse!  I can see inviting the grandparents or some other very close family member, but more than that is just not called for.  I think subs for all the Out of Town guests is more than appropriate in your situation.

    Some people (especially mothers of the bride and groom) feel self-entitled to plan their children’s wedding for them.  That would be fine if they were paying for it, but if they’re not they can keep their mouths shut!  Take a deep breath, stand up straight, and don’t let her run you over!

    Post # 27
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Agreed that it’s totally up to the hosts, though it’s nice to let the people paying have input too. People not paying = little input, in my book. Beyond that, I’d do what feels right to you.

    We are including all Out of Town guests at ours—but we 1) have FI’s parents offering to pay for that; 2) aren’t having a rehearsal to start with and don’t have a bridal party; and 3) don’t have that many Out of Town guests—probably around 50 out of 120 wedding guests, and most are family or very close/old friends. And even with that, Fiance was not happy about it at all—he really just wanted the wedding reception and that’s it.

    I would just explain that it’s not in the budget—although be prepared to either accept or have another option if she then offers to pay for some of it. But if she doesn’t, just leave it at that. Good luck!

    Post # 28
    Member
    324 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If your dad is hosting it, your Future Mother-In-Law really shouldn’t get a say in who’s invited.  She can certainly voice her opinion, but I am sure you can nicely tell her you want a more intimate affair.  Plus, I think your compromise is perfectly balanced!

    My wedding is a ways off, but we’ve already planned to invite all of our wedding guests to our rehearsal dinner, which we’ll call a wedding eve celebration.  But all of our guests are Out of Town, and we want to spend as much time with them as possible.  It’ll be a catered dinner (casual buffet-style) and beer/wine open bar.  We live in Chicago so we are chartering one of the river boats to take us up and down river and out onto Lake Michigan.  This was totally my FI’s doing and he is paying for it.  I wouldn’t ask my Future In-Laws to pay for this!  Our guest list is at about 165, so I estimate we’ll have about 100-115 guests total.  

    I say stick to your guns.  Unless she wants to pay for the Out of Town guests and you are okay having a less intimate rehearsal dinner.

    Post # 28
    Member
    324 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If your dad is hosting it, your Future Mother-In-Law really shouldn’t get a say in who’s invited.  She can certainly voice her opinion, but I am sure you can nicely tell her you want a more intimate affair.  Plus, I think your compromise is perfectly balanced!

    My wedding is a ways off, but we’ve already planned to invite all of our wedding guests to our rehearsal dinner, which we’ll call a wedding eve celebration.  But all of our guests are Out of Town, and we want to spend as much time with them as possible.  It’ll be a catered dinner (casual buffet-style) and beer/wine open bar.  We live in Chicago so we are chartering one of the river boats to take us up and down river and out onto Lake Michigan.  This was totally my FI’s doing and he is paying for it.  I wouldn’t ask my Future In-Laws to pay for this!  Our guest list is at about 165, so I estimate we’ll have about 100-115 guests total.  

    I say stick to your guns.  Unless she wants to pay for the Out of Town guests and you are okay having a less intimate rehearsal dinner.

    Post # 29
    Member
    469 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    We having a little over 30 people. It’s just our closest family and the bridal party. Most of my out-of-town guests won’t be in yet.

    If she’s not paying, then she really doesn’t get to have such an adamant opinion.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1300 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    ours is strictly wedding party and their spouses and immediate family only (BM, Groomsmen, Groom’s parents and Brides parents – and we are inviting the officiant too – dunno about readers although one of the readers is a date for a Bridesmaid or Best Man…)

    it will be about 32 people total.

    Inlaws are paying! so dunno what we are serving or anything. but its sitdown.

    honestly its traditionally wedding party only – aka folks who were at teh rehersal. and if your Future Mother-In-Law isnt paying for it she has NO say in how yall do it. sorry.

    The topic ‘Rehearsal Dinner – how big is yours/who is invited?’ is closed to new replies.

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