(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner: How Many is Too Many?

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 17
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

We had just under 50 people. That was the bridal party, their dates, and some of our closest relatives. I loved being able to spend the extra time with these people before the wedding and have them meet one another.

Post # 18
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@angelica3025: What if people in the wedding party are coming from Out of Town and brought dates?  Are the dates just supposed to sit around the hotel room all evening while the bridesmaid or groomsman goes to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner?

Post # 19
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Mrs.KMM: Well no, of COURSE Out of Town guests should be treated differently if they have a date.  I wasn’t referring to people coming from out of town.

Post # 20
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

Considering the size of your wedding party I would say no, 45 isn’t too many (though I do think it’s a lot…a lot of restaurant private rooms don’t accommodate that many).   I don’t get the trend of inviting people outside of the wedding party to the rehearsal dinner like friends, extended family, or Out of Town guests unless it’s a really small wedding…that’s what the reception is for.  Your aunts and uncles shouldn’t expect to be invited, they were invited to the wedding not the rehearsal.   Your FFIL’s reaction may have been the result of realizing for the first time just how big of a wedding you guys are having and how it impacts him…or maybe he hasn’t been on board with a big wedding all along so he’s not happy about having to pay for a large rehearsal dinner…maybe he’s not used to the big weddings people have these days…or maybe he’s just an old grump?  You have enough to worry about, leave this one to Future Father-In-Law…it is after all his call.

Post # 21
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am used to a Rehearsal Dinner being the bride, groom, wedding party, parents, siblings (if not already in wedding party), grandparents, officient (sometimes), and any others who are participating the ceremony.

My FH’s mom, however, starts with all of those people plus aunts, uncles, and cousins as the bare minimum (which is a lot because both sides of FH’s family are large). She decided to also include Out of Town guest for ours which excluded 5-7 people who were local and not family. Since Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are planning and paying for the Rehearsal Dinner and aruging about our idea of a Rehearsal Dinner vs their ideas of a Rehearsal Dinner was causing more stress than necessary between FH and I, we gave up all control over the Rehearsal Dinner. Of course, after Future Mother-In-Law set the list at everyone but local not-family (leaving a handful of people excluded) we did push for allowing those last few to also be invited. So we are having, essentially, a reception the day before the wedding. A lot of folks won’t be able to make the Rehearsal Dinner as they already made travel plans and didn’t expect to receive an invite (the invites are supposedly going out in the next two weeks). We’re having just under 100 guests.

So our case was an example of money vs tradition.

Post # 22
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@mollyib: My Future Mother-In-Law is inviting the wedding party and all the out of towners. That’s at LEAST 75 people. I originally only wanted to do wedding party only… keep it small. Apparently, that’s not kosher. Now I wonder who I should/shouldn’t invite to the bridal shower! My Maid/Matron of Honor asked for a list, but it’s something like 50 people!

Post # 23
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We had 45 people at ours. We were really struggling with that number too and had no way of making iit smaller. That is what happens when you come from a big family IMO.

Post # 24
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think I’m going to have about 40 people at mine too.  We have about 220 guests.  I did think it was a bit much for a rehearsal dinner, but I couldn’t help it so it is what it is.

Post # 25
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Our guest list is 45 and I am planning for 50.  We are having 200 so I think your number is more than reasonable!

Why not cut back on the dinner than?  It really does not have to be a plated, 3 course affair.  A lot of friends here do pizza.  We are planning gourmet Vietnamese sandwiches(from an awesome restaurant) and gelato from a local place.  Total cost for food = $300.  There are ways to do it on a budget and be creative without breaking the bank or having to pot luck it.  Good luck!

Post # 26
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Our rehearsal dinner invite list is 43 adults and 8 kids, and our total guest list was 256 adults, with 175 coming.  We both have big families and a decent sized wedding party, so I don’t see how we could have decreased it.  We kept it to bridemaids and groomsmen (and their families/dates of course), families of flower girls and ring bearers, readers, parents and grandparents and still ended up with that many.

Post # 27
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m inviting my Out of Town guest to attend.  Some are driving more than 12 hrs and some are flying in from very far and alot of them have to leave Sunday so we can’t do a Sunday brunch or any thing.  Although I hate eating at Buffet restaurants, my wedding will be buffet style, we are just taking them there cause its not going to be too expensive…so to me 45 is not a bad number at all

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