- 11 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
Here’s my dilemma: (eeks, sorry it’s so long!)
We are having a semi-destination wedding (his family is from TX, mine is from CT, so we are getting married at our undergrad in Indiana). My fiance’s parents feel that they should invite everyone from out of town (ie the whole guest list) to our rehearsal dinner.
I just feel so powerless about this. I know that they are hosting and paying for it, but the last thing I want is a huge party the night before the wedding. I originally wanted to have only 30 people at our wedding, but compromised with my fiance to invite 100. I’ve been viewing the rehearsal dinner as my chance to have the intimate celebration that I always wanted, with just our siblings, parents, and the four friends who are in our wedding party (18 people total).
I have social anxiety, and get really stressed out before big events. Having a huge dinner just won’t work for me. I already told my fiance that I would rather pay for it ourselves than have this, and told him that I really just wouldn’t be able to go if they went through. It also just feels like such a waste of money! They seem to think that they can do this for around $1500 (with about 100 people), which I just don’t see being possible. I would much rather have a nicer dinner for fewer people and spend a lot less money.
He talked to his mom about this last night, and told me she was crying on the phone about how I haven’t let them have any input (um, not true. I don’t care what else they do, so long as they don’t invite everyone) and how everyone would think they were rude for not hosting a large event (again, not true. I’ve suggested several times that they do a Sunday brunch or some sort of cocktail/dessert hour on Friday that I don’t have to go to).
Then it comes out that his mom and sisters all think I am stuck up and selfish. This is the only thing I have taken a stand on with the whole wedding. I am not having it in the season I wanted, on the day I wanted, at the size I wanted, or at the level of formality I wanted, and all because of HIS family. And now they are “really really hurt” in the words of my fiance.
Am I being too stubborn by taking this stand? I literally start crying every time I think about having to go to a rehearsal dinner with 100+ people at it. I don’t know what to do or say to make his mom not hate me anymore. Help!