Post # 1
I need some help. My Future In-Laws are hosting our rehearsal dinner the night before our wedding, immediately after the rehearsal at our ceremony venue. We have a rather large wedding party (7 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen) and two ‘readers’ for our ceremony. There will be 23 people at our rehearsal dinner (immediate family and wedding party), not including the two readers.
My Future In-Laws (and my fiance) feel that 23 is too many already and that we don’t need to invite the two readers. However, I feel that it’s important we have them to the rehearsal itself so they can actually rehearse. I can’t imagine saying to them afterwards “okay, well we’re all off to dinner – see ya tomorrow!” I feel that it’s necessary that we include all wedding participants in the rehearsal dinner. My parents (who are hosting the wedding) feel the same way. My family has offered to pay for the extra attendants but my fiance says that’s not the point.
We also aren’t inviting the Flower Girl or Ring Bearer or their parents to the dinner either – also not my first choice.
This has been a major source of stress for me, and for my fiance as well – any opinions would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
@Vancouverbride: The readers definitely need to be invited if they are going to be at the rehearsal. Talk to your Future In-Laws and explain what you just said. So you’re all just going to dinner and the readers are told to go home? lol Maybe she will understand your POV. IMO I don’t think the Flower Girl or Ring Bearer need to be invited.
Post # 4
Our guest list is at 50. Bridal party(8 BMs, 7 Groomsmen, 2 Ring Bearer, 2 FG) their parents, readers, close family.
I feel if they are a part of your day they should be invited to the dinner. Change it around to accomodate the people. We are serving sandwiches(ok, real nice banh mi from a great restaurant) and no alcohol. I am planning on it being around $300. It can be done cheaply!
Post # 5
It always amazes me that people who are hosting an event that involves 23 people, balk at making it 25. In the grand scheme of the things the increased cost is negligible.
The readers should be invited to dinner.
I can see not inviting the Flower Girl or Ring Bearer if the dinner will be running late, because they will need to be in bed if they are young. I would however want to ensure they received their bridal party gifts at the end of the rehearsal before they leave.
Post # 6
The readers need to be at the rehearsal and the dinner. Honestly, the readers have more to learn (where to stand to read, using the mic, when durng the ceremony they get up to read) than the bridesmaids and groomsmen (most people can figure out on their own how to walk down an aisle). It would be extremely rude not to invite the readers to your dinner. Just tell your fiance you insist. As someone else said 2 more people won’t be much more expensive (and if either reader is married or engaged their significant other should be invited as well). We had 52 people at our rehearsal dinner!
Post # 7
@julies1949: This is exactly what I was thinking. When you have that many, will two more really be that awful? I agree they should be invited.
I’m a little confused about what “the point” is for your Fiance though… he says the cost isn’t the issue? With a group that size you won’t notice two extra people. Does he dislike your readers for another reason?
Post # 8
Thank you so much for the advice! I really agree that the readers should be invited. I think my fiance is just feeling a little shocked at all the expenses with a wedding and feels like it’s the principle of spending the additional money, not the cash itself. I certainly hope he doesn’t like our readers as they are close friends!
Really, I can’t thank you enough. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on how it goes!
Post # 9
*make that does like our readers! oops…
Post # 10
UPDATE: My fiance just got home and told me that his dad called this afternoon to tell him the readers are invited. I’m so relieved! And now only slightly irritated that he waited 5 hours to tell me – I’ve been so anxious about it all day!
I also had him read your responses and he says he now sees it from my point of view. If only all battles were won this easily!