(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner – is this appropriate?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think that’s horrible at all…you may want to move venues though (or at least rooms) so the non-hosted people don’t feel like they’re crashing your party.

I think if I were going to your wedding, I’d just want a designated place to go and hang out with friends and the bride and groom, I wouldn’t care about paying!

Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was just walking to someone who did something similar.They hosted the Rehearsal Dinner with the bridal party at a restaraunt and then moved around the corner to a pub to hang out with everyone else. It didn’t sound like people minded.

Post # 6
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Is there a reason why dinner isn’t until 7?  If you could move it up earlier then maybe you could have some extra hangout time at a different venue. 

 

Or if that’s not possible (or desireable) what about a hangout time beforehand?  Afternoon cocktails, or something, and then go from there to the rehearsal?  That way people will just think it’s people going to the rehearsal, and not that they’re being excluded from the hosted rehearsal dinner.

Post # 7
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We’re only having immediate family and members of the wedding party – we just couln’t afford to have all the Out of Town guests at the rehearsal – it would have been tantamount to having another reception (we have a LOT of Out of Town guests). 

Post # 8
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We are doing a similar thing.  As 90% of our guests will be from Out of Town, we are having our Rehearsal Dinner, and then letting everyone know we will be at the hotel bar from 9-11ish and they are welcome to come hang out.  

Post # 9
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We are having our rehearsal dinner in one of the hospitality suites at our hotel for wedding party only.  This is from 6:15 -9pm.  Then from 9-10pm we are opening up a nightcap cocktail hour for those not in the wedding party who are staying at the hotel that night. 

Post # 10
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you could easily do it by switching locations as other PPs have suggested but I don’t think you can do it all as one event.  It really isn’t appropriate to invite a large group of people to somewhere and pay for some of them while asking others to pay their own way.

Also, you definitely don’t have to invite all Out of Town guests to the Rehearsal Dinner.  So if that is way you are doing this, don’t worry about it (if we invited all Out of Town guests, it would have practically been another reception!).  But I can certainly understand the sentimate of wanting to hang out with everyone that evening.

Post # 12
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@oracle: I think you would be fine to pose the event as a hang-out instead of an official rehearsal dinner but I still don’t think you can pay for some attendees while asking others to pay for themselves.

Post # 14
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My brother only wanted wedding party and immediate families at their rd, so they did a dinner at a pizza place and then moved to another location for the oot guests to join. It was also hosted there, but I don’t think it would be bad if you didn’t.

Post # 15
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

What if they find out, even if it’s on the DL, wouldn’t that be weirdly awkward?  Either do all no-host (in which case you definitely shouldn’t issue any kind of formal invitation) or host everyone you invite.  Planning to be sneaky doesn’t usually work out, and you could be stuck with a way bigger bill than you intend to.

Post # 16
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@oracle: How would you keep them from finding out when some people are getting things and pulling out money while other people can go get things that get put on tab for you to pay?  I don’t know how you could do it without people figuring it out pretty easily.

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