(Closed) Rehearsal dinner- no plus ones

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

@sunshinelaura2:  No, u definitely are NOT overreacting. I would feel the exact same way. How rude of them. I don’t understand the rehearsal dinner… it’s difficult to swallow since you’re married and thus a social unit. Not seating you with people you know is rude as well, but how do you know about the seating arrangements though? Is it for sure? 

 

I’d let it go..for now. They probably have caused drama with others who are married and in the bridal party. Your husband should definitely let the groom know he was not pleased about the arrangements…after their wedding day passes. If you are all friends, they should know they hurt your feelings. 

 

If you are all super close friends though…I’d be tempted to bring it up now… you know the social dynamic. What do you think OP? Is something up that you didn’t mention?

Post # 5
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sunshinelaura2:  My FI’s friend did the same thing to us.  Very inconsiderate and obnoxious in my opinion, especially since you won’t have anything else you can be doing.  Sounds like they’re just being cheap.  Tacky, tacky.

You are definitely not overreacting.  If you can bring it up without bad blood, I would do it.  Otherwise, suck it up, but probably avoid them in the future.

Post # 6
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ugh, that’s awful. I would be livid if we went to an out of town wedding and I wasn’t invited to the rehersal dinner. What do they expect you to do while your husband is at rehearsal??

Post # 7
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sunshinelaura2:  If BMs and GMs are sitting at the head table, I think it is always extremely important to look after their partners in the seating plan, and what they’ve done is poor. I would have your husband ask the groom, could his wife (you) please be seated with your friends (and name those friends), rather than with strangers. Your husband should make it clear that it will be much more enjoyable for you.

Yeah a seating plan is hard, but that doesn’t excuse giving no thought to you in the seating plan.

The rehearsal dinner is disappointing. But we don’t do rehearsal dinners where I’m from so I’m not sure of the etiquette. But why doesn’t your husband skip the rehearsal dinner? Attend the actual rehearsal, and then take you out to dinner. The rehearsal dinner as I understand it is thank you to him and the rest of the bridal party, so I don’t see any problem with politely refusing the gift and taking you out to dinner instead.

Post # 8
Member
680 posts
Busy bee

@sunshinelaura2:  Ugh, then just avoid avoid AVOID! If you know they will throw a tantrum, then don’t even bother. I’m sure your hubby will want to leave the rehearsal dinner early, as he should. You both should decide how to treat the wedding. Obviously he should still be present. But it’s up to you on what you should do. Perhaps go to the ceremony only? Go to the ceremony and leave the reception after dinner? You two should do what you want. I’d write these people off after this though. If you can’t approach a friend about your feelings being hurt, then they are NOT good friends to have. 

 

Sorry that this happened to you. Maybe there’s a spa in the hotel where you are at that you could splurge at instead for the rehearsal dinner night? Room service??? 😉

Post # 11
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@sunshinelaura2:  You are absolutely not overreacting. If they couldn’t afford to pay for plus ones for the rehearsal dinner, they should have decreased the size of their wedding party.

 

If this happened to my SO (as in, if he were not invited), I would confront the bride and groom and then bow out of the dinner – or possibly even the wedding party – if they wouldn’t budge. I would be extremely hesitant to support another couple’s relationship if they didn’t support mine. I know my SO would do the same for me.

Post # 12
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why would spouses not be invited to the rehearsal? And why is it 3 DAYS before the wedding??? We didn’t even have a rehearsal. I trusted that everyone could walk, then stand. They all did wonderfully 🙂

Post # 13
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@oneofthesethings:  Oh I missed that the rehearsal was 3 days before. In that case I would skip the rehearsal entirely and fly in the day before the wedding. I’d have your husband tell them something like this.

“Sorry, it’s not practical for us to be there 3 days early. We’ll be arriving on the day before. I know from my own wedding that being a groomsman is pretty easy, just let me know if there’s anything I have to do except escort a bridesmaid up the aisle after the ceremony”.

ETA: Note this is a statement, not a question. You’re not asking for permission to arrive the day before. You ARE arriving the day before.

Post # 15
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just wanted to say.. I went to a wedding where Fiance was a groomsmen, I knew a couple people at the wedding but I wasn’t seated with any of them. I was seated at a table of all the other +1’s of the bridal party and it turned out fine. Even tho I didn’t know any of them, we talked over dinner, shared some wine and I made a new friend out of it (still friends with her and this was 3 years ago). 

I  think not inviting the spouse to the Rehearsal Dinner is really obnoxious and rude. However, during the day of the wedding OP will have to entertain herself while her Darling Husband is getting ready with the groom / getting pictures / etc.. It’s not like they are going to be together the entire time anyways. Doesn’t excuse their behaviour, still very rude,

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