(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner RSVP to who?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

I think you can do it either way.  My In-law’s hosted the party and this was stated on the invitation, but guests contacted my fiance’ to RSVP. (His parents live in Japan). 

Post # 4
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My inlaws hosted, organized and paid for the dinner but since there were RSVP’s with menu options, the wedding party (14 people – 12 bridal party, 2 ceremony readings) are all RSVP’ing to me and my Future Mother-In-Law is going to take care of all the out of town guests.  Whatever works logistically for you, which sounds like having the RSVP’s come to you.

Post # 5
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

FI’s mother is hosting ours and we have the RSVPs coming to us (just easier for me to keep track of/organize).

Post # 6
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We did just word of mouth for ours, since it was just wedding party and their spouses/kids besides our families

Post # 8
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@RingAroundtheRosie: This was one of the great arguments I recall between my Auntie Vespasia and my mother, back in the days when people routinely had dinner parties and guests routinely knew how to write an R.s.v.p.: was it acceptable to have guests R.s.v.p. to a social secretary instead of to the hostess herself? Auntie V. claimed that a hostess’s duty to pay personal attention to her guests required that the replies be directed to the hostess’s address, even if it was actually the social secretary who picked them up and opened them. Mother, quoting Amy Vanderbilt as her expert authority, claimed that putting the social secretary’s name and address under the R.s.v.p. line on the invitation was perfectly acceptable as a way of having guests direct their replies straight to the secretary.

I don’t think Mother ever won an argument against Auntie V., but on the rare occasions that I have had the luxury of a social secretary, I have happily had the R.s.v.p.s directed to her (and had her fill in the write-in lines, and even authorized the use of a liquid-ink ballpoint pen — Auntie V must be rolling over in her grave!) In this case you are acting as social secretary to your fiance’s mother. My mother, Miss Vanderbilt and I all consider it perfectly acceptable if you have the R.s.v.p.’s sent to her in care of your name and address.


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