(Closed) Rehearsal Dinner Stress

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Stick to your budget. The only people who must be invited are people who were at the rehearsal and their SOs. Immediate family is also usually invited. 

Inviting out of town people is nice but definitely not required if you don’t have the funds. A rehearsal dinner doesn’t need to be a mini wedding reception which is sounds like it will be if you invite all of these extra people. Keep in mind that it can be really casual if that’s what budget allows for. A pizza party is perfectly acceptable. 

Post # 3
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We are not inviting out of town guests, as this would be 90% of our wedding guests and we cannot afford nor do we want two wedding receptions. I know the etiquette police feel differently, but I think it’s completely acceptable to not invite all out of town guests.

Post # 4
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

No, you absolutely do not need to invite 100+ other people to the rehearsal dinner! Tell your mother that you appreciate the advice and you’ll be happy to invite whoever she wants as soon as she cuts you a check to cover their plates.

Also, living in a suburb an hour away doesn’t really count as “out of town”. They won’t be getting a hotel room for the night before, and they won’t want to do an extra two hours of driving for the dinner. There’s no reason these people would expect a rehearsal dinner invite in the first place.

Post # 5
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Rehearsal dinner= people who were involved in the rehearsal. Yes, it’d be nice to provide a dinner for out of town guests if you could afford it. But not mandatory.

Post # 6
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

underblueskies1016 :  I had several out of town family come in from my wedding and they were not invited to rehearsal dinner. To stick to budget we did bridal party only.

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee

Yep. The out of town guest thing is a relatively new trend. Don’t worry about it if you weren’t planning or don’t want to invite them. Mom isn’t paying, so mom doesn’t get to make that call.

However, if you wanted to do something for your out of town guests (and no, suburbanites don’t count unless they live far enough away to justify staying the night before in a hotel), you could always host a dinner followed or preceded by a welcome cocktail party or similar. We had friends host a welcome party from 8-10 the night before their wedding which was an informal gathering at the bar of a restaurant, presumably where they had had their rehearsal dinner earlier in the night.

Post # 9
Member
5863 posts
Bee Keeper

I love how your mom cites traditional wedding etiquette (as she sees it, in our region inviting Out of Town guests isn’t standard practice) when it’s what SHE wants. Tell her that if you & your fiance are supposed to follow standard wedding etiquette- then she’s paying for the wedding & your in-laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner. People like your mom tend to pick and choose from etiquette that suits them. If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding and rehearsal dinner yourselves, it’s your call. And you don’t have to be formal, a rehearsal dinner can be pizzas or a BBQ. 

p.s. Stop sharing details with your mom if she’s only going to stress you out months in advance. Include her in a few things (like dress shopping) so she won’t feel excluded, but otherwise tell her you & Fiance are planning things and want the details to be a surprise. 

Post # 11
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We’re sticking to the bridal party/their dates and immediate family for our rehearsal dinner. Like you, we’d have a guest list of over 100 otherwise.

Post # 12
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper

underblueskies1016 :  Try not to stress, but I’m stressed about mine too. However, I have not planned mine and my wedding is 3 weeks away. Originally we weren’t doing a rehearsal dinner. Now we’re doing a quick run through with whoever can be there and then a super casual dinner after. I expect we’ll spend $150 no more.

 

Post # 13
Member
5046 posts
Bee Keeper

underblueskies1016 :   I just realized I didn’t answer you. If inviting out of towners is adding 100 people, then absolutely not. Rehearsal is literally just a run through of the wedding set up. Thats it. and the meal is intended as a thank you. Travelling an hour is not out of town. I travel an hour to get to work every day. Out of town is from out of state or out of country in my opinion. Or from the other end of the state or something.

Post # 14
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Stick to your budget and meet up with other guests for after dinner drinks. This is what we did and it worked out perfectly! 

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