Post # 1
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
Ok so we are three weeks out from our wedding. We are having our rehearsal the day before. I know we have to invite the wedding party their dates etc to the dinner after… But I’ve also been told by everyone that you have to invite everyone coming from out of town too…
Im freaking out a little inside, we are having a 90 person wedding and 30-35 people will have to be invited to the dinner! We do not have a budget for that and my parents have already maxed out their help for us and Fiance parents are not helping at all.
We were planning on hosting the dinner at our tiny two bedroom apartment but I don’t think we can fit 30+ people inside…. We only have seats for 12! (We could possible borrow folding chairs from someone)
The only way we can afford to feed people is to make the food ourselves and have it be more like apps than dinner… Wich I think is ok.
Anyone out there feeling the rehearsal dinner pressure?… It’s like a small reception the day before!
Post # 3
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
Seriously. We have about a 50 oerson wedding and 46 oerson Rehearsal dinner…wth!
Post # 4
Member
3687 posts
Sugar bee
I don’t think you have to invite the out-of-towners. It’s a nice gesture, but the whole point of the rehearsal dinner is for those who participated in the rehearsal to eat with you — bridal party and dates, etc.
Post # 5
Member
4102 posts
Honey bee
People say you have to do that, and its nice if you can, but its not mandatory.
We’re having an 80-90 person wedding. 70-80 of those people are coming from another country. There’s just no way we could have all of those people for a rehearsal dinner – it would be like having 2 wedding receptions!
Post # 6
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Ha, we’re in the same boat. ~90 guests and our rehearsal dinner is going to have at least 25 people. Sigh. That’s nine in the bridal party, plus their +1s and kids, us, and parents. Ridiculous. We’re going to have to figure something out, although I don’t really feel like the parents need to be there, since they aren’t *in* the wedding. I keep pushing this to the side of my brain lol.
Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
I feel like we kind of have to invite everyone. my side of the family is super close and it’s more time for everyone to be together…
My brain is spinning from all the logistics/etiquette of wedding planning!
@Glasgowbound: i think your situation is actually easier cause no one would expect you to invite 90% of the guests to your rehearsal dinner…I certainly wouldn’t expect it!
My parents are super easy going and have not been pushy about anything this whole time but they are kind of pushing for everyone to be invited. I think it has a lot to do with the great time everyone had at my cousins rehearsal Cocktail hour they held the night before in the hotel. We DO NOT have the money for this nor does the hotel have a bar area.
Lord have mercy! Why can’t this be easier!?
Post # 8
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I went through a similar dilemma. In my opinion, NO ONE should expect to be invited to the Rehearsal Dinner other than parents/siblings and bridal party. Yes, sometimes people include grandparent/aunts/uncles/OOT guests, but it’s not a requirement. I’m super bitter about how our Rehearsal Dinner has spun out of control as my mother went behind my back to invite people I told her I absolutely did not want there. I think it’s incredibly rude of anyone not in the wedding party to expect to be invited.
Post # 9
Member
3687 posts
Sugar bee
@MrsWBS: +1, completely agree.
OP, if you’re paying for the rehearsal dinner, then you especially get the say of who attends. It’s not meant to be a second wedding, just a small gathering to thank your bridal party.
Post # 10
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
1) most Out of Town guests won’t make it because they will be traveling.
2) order pizza or get catering from a BBQ place (local BBQ place can do something for $6pp)
3) see if your apartment has a party room you can use (or see if someone in your Wedding Party has the space or an apt with a party room)
Post # 11
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
@SageMustard: Man! We totally got blasted with this same problem a few weeks ago when we met with our wedding planner, who informed us it was customary to pay for the meals at the welcome/rehearsal dinner the day before the wedding. I was blown away that we esentially had to pay for TWO receptions since (in our case) all 50 people going to the wedding will be “invited” to the welcome dinner… and where do you seat 50 people without paying astronomical reservation fees just like in a wedding? ugh.
I think everyone’s situation is different as far as the rehearsal/welcome dinner goes and some people can get away with not paying for everyone’s meals or simply not inviting everyone that you are supposed to.
We played with so many ideas to work around this but ultimately, we did NOT want to be bad hosts and have everyone in town for our destination wedding and be rude by not inviting them to hang out with us. And technically if you invite people to have dinner with you, you should be the one to pay (that goes for any situation!). More than half of our guests are family anyway and would want to spend as much time as possible with us.
Luckily our wedding venue is a house we are renting out for 4 nights so we are having the welcome dinner there (even though I didn’t want guests seeing the venue before the wedding). We will be grilling cheap stuff like hotdogs and hamburgers and everyone will sit on the lawn since we don’t have enough chairs.
Have you considered doing the rehearsal/welcome dinner at a park? Also, as a PP suggested, check with your apartments and maybe they have a party room you can hang out in.
Post # 12
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
We’re having a BBQ @ home, it’s just easier.
Post # 13
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
Thanks to everyone for your suggestions and common problems (misery loves company)
The park idea just isn’t logistically smart in Seattle in March. High possibility of rain the day of or the days before = mud. and getting guests there and back would also be a pain.
I’m not trying to be snarky with this next comment:
If I lived in a building that had a party room that thing would have been reserved 8 months ago! lol
We are settling on using the breakfast room at the hotel that the guests are staying. its actually a pretty room with a wall of windows looking out to Lake Union. But we are not allowed to bring alcohol (oh well)
We will be ordering Pizza and bringing drinks… it will be super duper casual.
I just keep telling myself all that matters is that it will be super easy for oot guest to attend cause hey they are at the hotel already! My grandma wont have to worry about stairs for one day…
As the wedding gets closer things get more intense! AHHH!
Post # 14
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
@SageMustard: I’m glad you figured it out! And I think it will be better that no alcohol is involved because that’s one less thing you have to worry about and pay for. Everyone can hit up a bar later if they want. And yes, casual and easy is the way to go. You have a big day planned the next day so that’s when you can play it up! Good luck!
Post # 15
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
@SageMustard: You def do not have to invite all the people coming in from out of town. That’s not a Martha or Emily Post rule…people just started doing it and it became trendy.
We are NOT inviting anyone but wedding party/their dates, our parents, grandparents and Godparents (who are also readers) to the rehearsal dinner. We have many people traveling in from out of town, but I have always wanted a calm, intimate rehearsal dinner, and dammit, I will have it!
Post # 16
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
We opted not to have a rehearsal for our 50 person wedding. There is only 1 person on each side, Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man….we are just going to all meet with the officiant before the ceremony. I don’t see a purpose in a rehearsal….or rehearsal dinner for us.
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