(Closed) Rehearsal dinner… Too many people!

posted 6 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Seriously.  We have about a 50 oerson wedding and 46 oerson Rehearsal dinner…wth!

Post # 4
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think you have to invite the out-of-towners. It’s a nice gesture, but the whole point of the rehearsal dinner is for those who participated in the rehearsal to eat with you — bridal party and dates, etc.

Post # 5
Member
4056 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

People say you have to do that, and its nice if you can, but its not mandatory. 

We’re having an 80-90 person wedding. 70-80 of those people are coming from another country. There’s just no way we could have all of those people for a rehearsal dinner – it would be like having 2 wedding receptions!

Post # 6
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ha, we’re in the same boat. ~90 guests and our rehearsal dinner is going to have at least 25 people. Sigh. That’s nine in the bridal party, plus their +1s and kids, us, and parents. Ridiculous. We’re going to have to figure something out, although I don’t really feel like the parents need to be there, since they aren’t *in* the wedding. I keep pushing this to the side of my brain lol.

Post # 8
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I went through a similar dilemma. In my opinion, NO ONE should expect to be invited to the Rehearsal Dinner other than parents/siblings and bridal party.  Yes, sometimes people include grandparent/aunts/uncles/OOT guests, but it’s not a requirement.  I’m super bitter about how our Rehearsal Dinner has spun out of control as my mother went behind my back to invite people I told her I absolutely did not want there.  I think it’s incredibly rude of anyone not in the wedding party to expect to be invited. 

Post # 9
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsWBS:  +1, completely agree.

OP, if you’re paying for the rehearsal dinner, then you especially get the say of who attends. It’s not meant to be a second wedding, just a small gathering to thank your bridal party.

Post # 10
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

1) most Out of Town guests won’t make it because they will be traveling. 

2) order pizza or get catering from a BBQ place (local BBQ place can do something for $6pp)

3) see if your apartment has a party room you can use (or see if someone in your Wedding Party has the space or an apt with a party room)

Post # 11
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SageMustard:  Man! We totally got blasted with this same problem a few weeks ago when we met with our wedding planner, who informed us it was customary to pay for the meals at the welcome/rehearsal dinner the day before the wedding. I was blown away that we esentially had to pay for TWO receptions since (in our case) all 50 people going to the wedding will be “invited” to the welcome dinner… and where do you seat 50 people without paying astronomical reservation fees just like in a wedding? ugh.

I think everyone’s situation is different as far as the rehearsal/welcome dinner goes and some people can get away with not paying for everyone’s meals or simply not inviting everyone that you are supposed to.

We played with so many ideas to work around this but ultimately, we did NOT want to be bad hosts and have everyone in town for our destination wedding and be rude by not inviting them to hang out with us. And technically if you invite people to have dinner with you, you should be the one to pay (that goes for any situation!). More than half of our guests are family anyway and would want to spend as much time as possible with us.

Luckily our wedding venue is a house we are renting out for 4 nights so we are having the welcome dinner there (even though I didn’t want guests seeing the venue before the wedding). We will be grilling cheap stuff like hotdogs and hamburgers and everyone will sit on the lawn since we don’t have enough chairs.

Have you considered doing the rehearsal/welcome dinner at a park? Also, as a PP suggested, check with your apartments and maybe they have a party room you can hang out in.

Post # 12
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re having a BBQ @ home, it’s just easier.

Post # 14
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@SageMustard:  I’m glad you figured it out! And I think it will be better that no alcohol is involved because that’s one less thing you have to worry about and pay for. Everyone can hit up a bar later if they want. And yes, casual and easy is the way to go. You have a big day planned the next day so that’s when you can play it up! Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@SageMustard:  You def do not have to invite all the people coming in from out of town. That’s not a Martha or Emily Post rule…people just started doing it and it became trendy.

We are NOT inviting anyone but wedding party/their dates, our parents, grandparents and Godparents (who are also readers) to the rehearsal dinner. We have many people traveling in from out of town, but I have always wanted a calm, intimate rehearsal dinner, and dammit, I will have it!

Post # 16
Member
979 posts
Busy bee

We opted not to have a rehearsal for our 50 person wedding. There is only 1 person on each side, Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man….we are just going to all meet with the officiant before the ceremony.  I don’t see a purpose in a rehearsal….or rehearsal dinner for us.

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