(Closed) Rehearsal dinner where FI’s won’t pay for booze…

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 3
46 posts
  • Wedding: February 2008

I’m of the opinion that it’s not unreasonable to have people pay for their own alcohol, so I see no problem in asking everyone to pay their own way when it comes to the wine. Let both the attendees and your server know that all alcohol purchases have to go on separate tabs, then at the end of the meal your future in laws will have the meal tab and then anyone who drank will get their own tab for the wine.

However, if it won’t break the bank and you want to, go ahead and pay for the alcohol, again letting your server know that the alcohol goes on a separate tab that is to be delivered to you.

Post # 4
36 posts
  • Wedding: November 2018


 I have been to several weddings where people pay for their own drinks, but I don’t like it. So what you can do is go talk to the restaurant and tell the manager your situation. Then ask him if he can serve a set amount of beer and wine (to be put on tables). He will tell you how much is needed for a party of 20 people for a certain amount of hours. Mixed drinks are not needed for dinner. Anyone who doesn’t like beer and wine can drink soda. 

Good luck – try not to get too upset about your FI’s decision.

Post # 5
106 posts
Blushing bee

You say they are "anti-alcohol" — are you sure they’re okay with having alcohol served at all?

Post # 6
15 posts
  • Wedding: February 2008

I agree with Queenoftheclick; you can buy a few bottles of wine and/or pitchers of beer for the table. Anyone who wants mixed drinks or hard liquor can buy it on their own at the bar.

Post # 7
378 posts
Helper bee

Yes, I agree with Maryallison, check with the fact that they are indeed with alcohol being served first before you go ahead and make any other plans. And Fiance and I are picking up the drink tab for our 40-person rehearsal dinner while his parents pay for the food.

Post # 8
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Can you bring your own wine to the location and pay a corkage fee?

Post # 10
39 posts
  • Wedding: September 2008

I guess I see this a couple of different ways.  First, if your FIL’s are hosting you should be respectful, whatever their wishes.  Seems like they have a valid disdain for alchohol so I would see how they felt about it being served at all. 

And it is a celebration, but the main event isn’t until the following day.  Fiance and I are pretty much paying for the Rehearsal Dinner ourselves and don’t feel the need to provide a bar or cover drinks.  We are going to have champagne, but beyond that I don’t want everyone to get liqoured up and show up the next day half cocked. 

Post # 11
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think it’s okay to not have alcohol or make people buy their own alcohol. The rehearsal dinner I went to last year the grooms parents paid for the dinner and any non-alcoholic drinks and guests bought their own alcoholic beverages if they desired. I don’t think we’re having any alcohol at our rehearsal dinner because we don’t want anyone to be hung-over the next morning!

Post # 12
22 posts

I can definitely see how this would be frustrating for you. Like you said, you’re celebrating and have no issue with the presence of alcohol. However, I do think it bears some great consideration that in the end, it IS your FIL’s who are hosting this part of the celebration. To ask them to pay for something that they feel so strongly against (which is understandable because there’s the issue of recovery from alcoholism) wouldn’t be right. If it turns out that they would be okay with it being served at the Rehearsal Dinner, then, like a previous poster mentioned, having all the alcohol go on a separate bill and directed to you might be the best way to go. Otherwise, considering that the real celebration happens at the wedding reception, would it really be the end of the world to have a dry RD?

Post # 13
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It’s definately okay to have a dry Rehearsal Dinner – or to provide limited alcohol only.  We are providing a small selection of wines and beers on our tab, and if people want anything else it’s basically pay to play – they need to go out and order it at the bar and pay themselves.  If you’re having your Rehearsal Dinner in a restaurant, there is no way that you can stop guests from walking out to the bar in order to get their own drinks.

I have several friends who are non-drinking for various reasons, including religeon and alcoholism.  While I can understand the preference of a recovered alcoholic that nobody drink, if your Future Father-In-Law ever eats out in a restaurant, there are people imbibing all around him.  It’s a bit unrealistic to expect that everybody will be happy to not drink around you – more if you are inviting friends to dinner at your home, but in this case I’m sure there are people in your family who have never met Future Father-In-Law – and unless he wants his issues aired in front of the whole crowd…  If they are not absolutely against anybody drinking, but just don’t want to pay for it, I would pick up the bill yourselves.

Another possible way, if the restaurant simply has very expensive wines only, is to bring in your own and pay the corkage fee (usually about $10 a bottle).

The topic ‘Rehearsal dinner where FI’s won’t pay for booze…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors