(Closed) Rehearsal dinner – who picks the place?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I do think if they are paying they get to choose, but she should listen to your desires. However, if she chooses not to you have to smile and nod and say thank you.

Its what happened with our rehearsal dinner. Father-In-Law were paying and planning and chose a place that was kind of fancy and I wanted a really casual place to relax. And it was much to far from most of me and my girls and where we were staying.

But she was footing the bill so she chose and I still appreciate all the work she put in. And now? almost a year later, it makes no difference and I am glad I didnt make a stink about it because it made her feel good to contribute and have something to plan.

You could have Fiance tell her that Italian isnt your twos favorite and hope she chooses something different.

Post # 4
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that you and your Fiance should choose, and the parents just go along with it.  I really don’t believe in the “they pay, they choose” idea because it is your wedding.  They can’t live out their dreams through you!  I think that you can take their ideas into consideration, but at the end of the day, it is about what you and your Fiance want.

Post # 5
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Future In-Laws are footing the bill for our rehearsal too… and Future Mother-In-Law has gone completely off the deep end with it. She chose a location and put down a deposit before talking to anyone (not even FFIL). The place she picked is completely over the top and not representative of Fiance and I at all (whatever). The worst part, though, is that it’s not even big enough for all of the people that we “have” to invite. Trust me… she knew all of this before she chose the location.

I complain but only to Fiance (and he is on my side). This is pretty typical of Future Mother-In-Law (thank god she lives 1000 miles away). I’ve decided I’m just going to let her have this one… after all… it’s reflection of them and not of us.

I will tell you that when this all started I was realllllly upset and almost (ALMOST) decided to tell them to forget it and we will handle it/pay for it ourselves. Haha… overreaction.

Try not to let it be a big deal! Good luck!

(I feel better now that I have vented about this… sorry to steal your thread! Haha)

Post # 6
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Side note… etiquette says that since they are paying they get to make all the decisions. One would hope, however, that they would take your feelings into consideration :).

Post # 7
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

My in-laws gave us a few different options, and basically let us pick.  Our wedding was in a small town though, so there were really only about 4 places to choose from, LOL.  We chose the one most unlike our wedding.  We had a formal wedding, so our rehearsal was at a cool local pizzeria.

Post # 8
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@morkiemama:  If they are footing the bill, they do get to choose. However, they might not know that you want a more laid back event. Have your Fiance talk to them about it and suggest a few places that are more in line of what you had pictured. If they don’t change their mind, it’s really not a big deal. It’s just a dinner, and you don;t have to pay for it 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Whoever pays, gets to choose. However, I think you should tell them you aren’t a fan of Italian and maybe there could be someplace else they could choose.

Post # 11
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@morkiemama:  Maybe they don’t want people to think they are repeating. maybe try suggesting a backyard fiesta and get Mexican food.

Post # 12
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

They’re paying, so they choose. If you want something low-key, bring people back to someone’s house afterward. My Mother-In-Law paid for ours, and I was grateful that she asked my opinion, but if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have felt badly. I wasn’t paying for it.

Post # 12
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

They’re paying, so they choose. If you want something low-key, bring people back to someone’s house afterward. My Mother-In-Law paid for ours, and I was grateful that she asked my opinion, but if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have felt badly. I wasn’t paying for it.

Post # 13
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@morkiemama:  Maybe because of the tension between your Fiance and his family, his parents really want to make it nice and are splashing out and spending more.

Post # 14
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

FI’s parents are paying for the Rehearsal Dinner, but left it up to me, since it’s my hometown. I chose a chinese buffet at the reception hall, so we can decorate after.

As to who is supposed to pay, well, his family has that [email protected]@backwards. They think that the groomsmen are supposed to pay – because when FI’s brother got married, Fiance was a Groomsmen and he paid for pizza, last minute for everyone.

The topic ‘Rehearsal dinner – who picks the place?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors