(Closed) Rehearsal dinner..who gets to go?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’d go with a more casual option – you’re going to have the big formal dinner the next night/soon after anyway, right?

And it’s always nice to include their SOs, as far as I’m concerned weddings are a celebration of love so the more love in the room the better 🙂

That said, if you can’t afford it or have already booked/paid for the rehearsal dinner venue, tell your bridal party what’s going on and I’m sure they’ll understand. 

Post # 4
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I agree with Kangaroo, invite the SOs and go Mexican.

Post # 5
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I am inviting my wedding party and the SO’s, weather they be dates or hisbands/wives. In a few cases children may even come along depending on what venue we end up choosing.

We did think about inviting all the OOT-ers but most of that will be my family and they will have other things to do so I’m not too worried about it. We don’t want to go overboard on the guest list as is.

 

Post # 6
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2006

We did the casual thing…REALLY casual.  We invited all of our wedding party, any SO’s, Out of Town guests, our officiant, our immediate families to a  BBQ at my inlaws following our rehearsal.  It was nice for people to be able to catch up with those they may have not seen in a long time, and for my husband and I to relax.  All in all, I think we had about 30 people, which may seem extreme, but it was great!

 

That being said, I vote for the casual thing.  We thought about Mexican too, and I think you could make it really special!!! 

Post # 7
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2008

While I’d LOVE to invite all the Out of Town guests to the rehersal dinner, they make up 90% of our guestlist! So that’s not gonna happen!

If you can afford it, adding eight more people to a casual dinner (BBQ/Mexican/whatever) isn’t that much more expensive, moneywise. I think its a really nice gesture to invite the SOs of your bridal party. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

fi and i are inviting the immediate families and the wedding party and their significant others. we’ll have around 30-35 people and we’re paying for the whole wedding ourselves too. we’re going for something more casual – beer and steak tips. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Is it standard (expected) to invite the officiant? We don’t know ours outside of the one meeting we had with him before we booked him…

Post # 11
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2006

We invited our officiant, even though we had only met once, and while she didn’t end up coming, it was just our way of showing her that we wanted her to be as big a part of our day as possible, a little nice Thank You for all she had done (we booked her on short notice after our first one bailed on us…very stressful).  We also invited her to our dinner at the reception, again she opted not, but it was just the thought I suppose.

Post # 12
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

Thanks for the reply, ambsLS. A couple of other things about our situation – our officiant is also the town mayor (he charges the same price as anyone else so we thought, why not?!); I’m not sure if that makes him more likely to accept or decline our invitations. He’s obviously busy though, as his wife seems to handle all the nitty gritty leading up to the rehearsal/ceremony. Also, we have to pay extra for him to be at the rehearsal. I haven’t talked to Fiance about it so I don’t know what he thinks.

Our rehearsal dinner is likely to just be at a large Chinese restaurant, so I guess it wouldn’t cost a whole lot to include them, if they accepted. It does seem like a nice gesture, especially since it’s no secret that everyone goes to the dinner right after the rehearsal. Hmmm…

Post # 13
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I would invite SOs of the wedding party. In fact, I’m currently embroiled in a heated discussion with my Future Father-In-Law over this. He doesn’t see the courtesy in inviting them, especially because everyone is going to be Out of Town. What are the dates supposed to do? Just eat at McDonald’s by themselves?

Because probably 90% of our guests are going to be Out of Town also, we’re going to have a sort of dessert reception at my parents’ house that everyone can come too. That way I can see my other, non-wedding party friends and my relatives who have travelled. I mean, they came to see me, and I want to spend time with them.

Post # 14
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

kleverkira…when my Fiance was the best man in a wedding, the SO’s of the wedding party were not invited and we all felt very slighted, and it was only pizza and beer (which my Fiance ended up paying for!) 

I was ok with it since we were only boyfriend/girlfriend at the time (altough living together), but to not invite someone’s husband/wife/fiance is generally considered very poor etiquette.

Post # 15
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

mtyf, we also had to pay extra for our minister to attend our rehearsal, and to rent the event space for the evening. We decided to have the rehearsal in the back room of a restaurant instead. Of course, we only had a Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man, so there wasn’t too much "staging" to worry about. But we did have the minister there. It was worth the piece of mind to have someone to keep us on track, plus I think it helped our parents/grandparents feel better about the order of things, etc.

Post # 16
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

guinness,

That’s exactly my point. Future Father-In-Law says, “I’m paying; I get to choose who is invited.” Well, my MOH’s boyfriend of 5 years will also be at the wedding from Out of Town, and I just can’t imagine saying, “Sorry. Figure something out on your own.”

And we will also be having our priest (and his wife, if I have my way with the FFIL) at our rehearsal dinner since we’re very close to them.

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