(Closed) Rehearsal dinner..who gets to go?

posted 13 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Fiance and I just had this discussion.. we argued a little about Out of Town guests, but the issue is that 80% of our guests are Out of Town.  I think it is silly to have Wedding Part I (rehearsal dinner) and Wedding Part II (actual wedding) which would be the case if we invited all Out of Town guests.  We decided to cut Out of Town people, and stick to parents, g-parents, bridal party + SOs, which By The Way still equals 30 people. 

Post # 18
Member
41 posts
Newbee

kleverkira,  your Future Father-In-Law does have a point if he is paying for it.  Can you offer to pay for or go halfsies with him for those SO’s that are in question?

Post # 19
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I also just had this discussion with Fiance – we’re inviting the SOs based on our own experience.  I was an out-of-town bridesmaid once, and I think I would have complained if my (FI now, boyfriend at the time) was not invited.  He didn’t know anyone else there so I’m glad he was able to come along.

Post # 20
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

kleverkira, good luck with the FFIL! Maybe having your Fiance have the discussion instead of you might help? The mother of the groom from the wedding I mentioned is generally not a very nice person, and she just ended up looking really cheap and rude for not inviting us (but allowing her daughter to bring her Boyfriend or Best Friend of about 3 months.)

Sometimes I am amazed that what I thought was generally well understood and accepted, like inviting the wedding party’s SOs, is completely foreign to some people.

Luckily both my mom and Future Mother-In-Law are of the school of thought that if you also invited the parents of your wedding party to the wedding, they should be invited to the reheresal too. We talked them out of it and are down to about 25 or 30.

Post # 22
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Due to some other issues with the Future Father-In-Law, FH and I are actually going to absolve him from being involved with the wedding. It has just been too difficult and stressful to deal with him, and FH has actually been dealing with him more than I have. We had a disastrous Christmas when we went up to visit Future Father-In-Law and FH’s step-family, so we’re going to limit FFIL’s involvement in the wedding weekend.

It would be his prerogative to say who can and can’t come since he is paying IF money was an issue for him, but it’s not and he would most likely invite his brother, sister and best friend even though he told my parents and FH’s mother that they couldn’t invite other family. Not to mention that we have asked him for no money at all. FH put himself through college and now medical school. FH’s half-brother got a Wii for Christmas. FH got a baseball hat and a pair of gloves. And the finances aren’t the half of it. What really bothers me is FFIL’s complete lack of respect for his son. (Sorry, can you tell I’m worked up about this?)

I’ve offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but I doubt my parents will let me. It will just be better to do pizza and beer at a place right near the church and invite everyone we want to (wedding party, their SO’s, immediate family minus Future Father-In-Law and family, officiant and wife) and then have the dessert reception at my parents’ house as mentioned above.

Again, I didn’t mean to turn this into a rant about my jerky Future Father-In-Law. Sorry! 

Post # 23
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Peaches…at weddings my FH was in, the SOs and I would go to the rehersal and either take pictures (which the bride loved so she didn’t have to worry about it and still got good pics) or just hang out as they were usually under 20 minutes or so.

Post # 24
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

hi!  I’m a new poster and I hope it’s ok that I bump this.

I’m in a wedding in a few months and was recently told that the bridal party will not be invited to the rehearsal dinner- just immediate and extended family.

It seems awkward that we’ll be the ones actually rehearsing but then we have to go home. What do you all think?

 

 

Post # 25
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think you should feel obligated to invite all of the OOT’s to the rehersal dinner, but you should definietly invite the bridal party members to attend with their significant others.  If you decide not to, don’t be surprised if they decide not to stay for the dinner themselves.  If it were me, and my Finace and I were in from out of town for a wedding (that I was in) and he was not invited to the rehersal dinner, I would only attend the rehersal.

By The Way, I’m now officially dreading discussuing/planning the rehersal dinner w/ my FIL’s……

Post # 26
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

With so many details before a big wedding, a casual dinner might be a nice reprieve 

Post # 27
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Hyancinthgirl – if they’re not going to include the wedding party, then I don’t think they should call it a rehearsal dinner!  Maybe something like "Family Dinner After the Rehearsal, Not to Include Everyone Actually Rehearsing."  That’s just odd, IMO.  If its a money issue, they should default to inviting the wedding party rather than the extended family. If I was you, I would organize the rest of the GMs and BMs and go have your own dinner after the rehearsal.  Maybe the next day when they hear how much fun you all had without them, they’ll figure out what jerks they were.

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