(Closed) Rehearsal lunch etiquette – guests

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Incubuzz:  I am at the belief that the paying couple have the say. So in that case if FI’s parents are paying and say yes then by all means this person can come, but if they say no then it is what it is.

My DH’s parents put together and paid for the whole rehearsla supper. Everyone and their dog was invited becuase they paid for it, and I didn’t care. I have to say I would probably suck it up since this person is an out of town guest, but my original statement still stands regardless.

Post # 5
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The only people required to be invited are the bridal party/anybody who is at the rehearsal. Anything beyond that is more choice. I wish we could afford to have all out of town guests at our dinner but there is no way we can afford that. 

I personally would not invite the Aunt unless you invite ALL out of town guests. It’s rude to the others to make an exception for her. Hopefully, the Aunt and G2 will understand. At the end of the day, I am sure this will all blow over. 

Post # 6
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It all comes down to the decision of the paying party. I believe proper ettiquette is to invite the out of town guest. If no other out of towner’s are being invite then one person should not be an exception. They can find something to do in the meantime.

Post # 7
1699 posts
Bumble bee

Just a quibble from my generation-gap fuddled mind but, in your situation it clarifies nothing to say “the parents of the groom are paying for the entire rehearsal lunch.” I am guessing you mean “the parents of G1”, and that you are G1, and your husband-to-be is G2? My second quibble is that “paying for the entire rehearsal lunch” is irrelevant: what matters is who the host(ess) is. The hostess is the person who takes the final personal responsibility for the comfort, safety and entertainment of all the guests (and ensures the vendors get paid, but etiquette does not concern itself with financial details other than to say you should keep them private.) It sounds like your mother is the hostess, and since with great responsibility comes great power, she as hostess has the sole right to determine the guest list. Not aunty, and not G2.

However, when friends and family come in from out of town, etiquette strongly suggests that (their own) in-town friends and relatives step up and entertain them. Occasionally the rehearsal-dinner hostess will invite out-of-towners to fulfil this social obligation, on the assumption that none of the guests’ other in-town relatives will step up. That’s a rather sad indictment of the other relatives, but alas is sometimes valid. Let’s hope it is not, in this case.

Does G2 have any in-town friends and relatives who are not already going to be at the rehearsal dinner? If so, he should let them know that aunty will be in town and will be free for that day to visit with extended family. If they don’t take the hint, he can even ask them as a favour to please take Aunty out to lunch. He can even offer to pay for their lunch at the restaurant of his choice. Failing that, he can take aunty out to breakfast that day, introduce her to one of his friends, and pre-ask that friend to take her out to lunch.

There must be someone in your circle of friends, who is not involved in the wedding, who can give up a couple of hours to play native-guide to your fiance’s aunt while her nephew is busy.

Post # 8
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

All of the weddings I have attended included all of the out of town guests at the rehearsal meal. This was always greatly appreciated-especially by me when I was the Out of Town guest visiting a place I’d never been and was on an extremely tight budget (ie without the funds to rent a car, sightsee, etc). 

Post # 9
46408 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

To give the opposite point of view than the most recent response, I have never been invited to a rehearsal meal when I was not in the wedding party or immediate family.

I am a firm believer in not rewarding manipulative behavior. This is a grown woman who is deliberately causing stress and dividing family members before the wedding.

We are not talking about leaving this woman on her own for days here folks, we are talking about a couple of hours at the most. She is completely capable of entertaining herself for that time period and finding somewhere to eat- the hotel restauarant perhaps?


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