Post # 1
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
I need to get this off my chest and FH thinks I am crazy and wont listen to me this is why I bring it here.
My FIL’s are doing our rehearsal lunch. It has been nothing but drama since day one and I really wish I would have just said back in July that we didn’t want to have one. It was a nightmare finding a venue because of how much she was allowing us to spend and they didn’t want to go halfs on anything. They wanted to pay for it all. After much let down because I couldn’t have teh dinner that I really wanted I agreed to doing a traditional New Orleans lunch as most people haven’t been before and I thought it could work out if we did this form of a menu (PoBoy of choice, sweet potato fries or Zapp’s chips, a Barq’s glass bottle soda and king cake). She agreed and went along with it.
Drama has been HUGE over who we could or couldn’t invite due to cost. They said that parents would need to pay for the meal of their kids (only 2 extras). We are having a smaller wedding of about 75 people and she wants to invite all of her family but not the equal people in my family. She wont let me have my siblings there. Fine me and FH said we only want our parents, bridal party and our two Aunts who helped with the wedding costs. This was not ok and it has been a fit back and forth. It seems so stupid to have 45 people at a rehersal when we currently only have 66 guest at the wedding. HELLO!!!
They wanted me to make the invite. I did and redid it 3 times to their liking. I just went to their house and they have changed the invite that I worked on and came up with a different menu then what I had agreed on. They asked for my opinion and I knew I couldn’t tell them the truth so I just said “I DON”T CARE.” In all reality I could go on and on about this stupid lunch but I just needed to vent.
I had no idea that this lunch would be the death of me and the hardest part of my wedding planning.
Post # 3
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
I’m sorry that really sucks. ::Hug.:: Maybe it will end up fine? They really do seem like they are being ridiculous, I wish you could just strong arm your in-laws!! Haha. They are pretty ridiculous, I would just try your best to stop caring about the damn thing and just leave it in their not-so-capable hands. Good luck.
Post # 4
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
oh man i would be so mad! The wouldn’t let your sisters come! WTH!? Maybe you could send an anonymous letter with the etiquette of who comes to rehearsals and who doesn’t. lol
I guess since it is a lunch maybe you can go to dinner and relax with some of those people that you really want to be around sisters, parents etc..
Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
Oh geez…you have every right to be frustrated!!! I would really push back on your siblings not being included….the rehersal dinner/lunch is to honor the BRIDE and GROOM…who is closer to them than their immediate family??
Sadly…I’m not sure what you can really do….leave early to get a head start on your “beauty rest”? 🙂
Post # 6
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
Thank you so much for the support. I think it is so crazy that she said no to my brother and sister coming because I didn’t ask them to be part of the bridal party. My brother is doing a reading and my sister will be handing out programs and neither of them can come. She only wants her nephew who is an usher to come but not the other usher because he is married and “That would be too much.” She also wants her brother and sister in law their but not my Aunts. It just blows my mind like it is ok for all of her family to be there but she doesn’t want my family there.
I told his parents at lunch that I do not carry what they heck they do with the rehearsal. I do care but it isn’t worth me caring to have to deal with this drama.
Post # 7
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
Sounds like you should ask your fiance to run interference on this and sit down with his parents and take a hard line. I understand them setting a number limit of guests for cost, but to tell you who you should invite to your own rehearsal? That’s ridiculous. Sounds like you would be better off without the stress and just planning it and paying for it yourself to be honest. Have you Fiance tell them that it seems like a lot for them to handle and thet the two of you will take it from here.
Post # 8
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
A smilar thing happened to me when Fiance and I first got engaged and my Future Mother-In-Law was going to give us an engagement party. My Future Mother-In-Law and I don’t always get along, so after a couple days of trying to bargin with her on creating a somewhat equal amount of people from each side I finally told her that if I couldn’t have an equal say in who was invited I simply wasn’t coming and her and her son could entertain her side of the family while my mom and I had our own. After that she dropped the whole subject (and has since decided to voice her crazy opinions elsewhere, but thats another story).
Probably not very helpful, but I would definitely stand up to her now or she’ll forever try to walk all over you.
Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@EmeraldR: Amen sista! What she said!
Post # 10
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
@EmeraldR: That would be outstanding. FH did stand up to his mom and told her period no one is invited that is not a parent or in the bridal party. She then said that the cousin that is an Usher (she asked him to be one) is going to come. He quickly informed her that he was not. However, the other stuff he says no to.
As a side not, his dad sent us an email about a month or so ago saying how much our wedding is costing and how much of an incovient thing it is. That they are having to borrow the money from another family member to even do the rehearsal. At that time we told them we will just take it over. They REFUSED! Since then FH says that we can’t take it away from them because they aren’t helping with anything else.
I shouldn’t say this but I feel like it is pretty sad that in 10 months they couldn’t save the $250 – $300 for this lunch. They aren’t helping with anything else.
Post # 11
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
@Nola: ok, on the financial side of things, I can honestly say from my own past and knowing friends/family with financial difficulties, it CAN be extremely difficult to impossible to save up that much.
that being said, they should’ve just let you guys take it over NOT burden someone else if they couldn’t afford it.
You and your Fiance need to sit down and discuss this and then have the Fiance AND YOU approach his parents. You both need to give a united front to him and tell them they’re being unreasonable and disrespectful to not only you two, but your family as well.
so, so sorry you’ve gotta deal with this!!! hope it works out soon!!!
Post # 12
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
@Ryna: I can see how people can have fin issues also. However, they have bought a ton of stuff in the last 10 months that cost way more then that that was not needed but added extras. Like a $350 bike that Future Father-In-Law hasn’t rode a single time since July when it was bought. Lots of other things too.
My FH doesn’t want to hurt his parents feelings and we did voice to them that we don’t want it to be a financial hardship on them and we don’t feel that it is the other family members fin responsibility. They still refused to give it up. FH will not talk to them since that convo with them and his mom was balling her eyes out.
Today his dad came out and told me that if they are doing anything wrong would we read “I” please tell them. However, I knew that FH would flip a lid if I brought up the money or guest list thing. He just keeps telling me this is what they want to do for us and they will do it. This is why I just told them I don’t care.
Post # 13
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
@Nola: Ugh, so sorry! Can’t blame you for wanting to just say “the heck with it”. Maybe you can sneak out early and claim the need to rest up for the wedding?
Post # 14
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
So last night FH and I talked and he decided that everything could be fixed and he would tell his parents. BUT they already put the invites in the mail with the BAD menu….So I guess I get to just deal 
