(Closed) Rehearsal menu versus reception menu nightmares

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly I’d let the kids (obviously they aren’t kids) handle the reception menu issues on their own.  It’s their wedding and only they can truly speak to their situation and needs.  If you try to jump in then in can turn into a yucky power struggle.  If they aren’t happy with th FMIL’s plans then they can pay for the reception they want.


For clothes, I’d maybe give her a timeline of when you have to buy your outfit.  Then see what you’re working with.  Just putting it out there, if the demands started getting crazy I’d just play dumb, buy what I wanted, and smile. 

Jeez, are the “kids” feelin the stress like you are?

Post # 5
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think the reception menu can be changed as many times as they want as long as it isn’t listed on the RSVP card (and will be different then what they guests are expecting). As long as the caterer isn’t walking away – I think it is fine.

As for her ‘take over’ attitude – these stories fill our threads of FMIL’s becoming crazy with control issues. It’s nice to hear a MOG step back for once (even though the MOB is still going crazy). I agree with what has been said so far – let the ‘kids’ take care of it. You can offer your advice (that they should confront her nicely) – but otherwise it’s probably best to let it go.

Also, you mentioned the Bride’s parents are paying for ‘only the reception’…is it the whole reception or did you miss a word?

Post # 6
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@fayenet13:  You sound very caring and that you’d like to be involved.  That is very sweet of you to offer to help and also very generous you’re paying for the reception. But, like PPs said, I would let you son and future DIL work with her parents on the reception menu, since they are paying.  As annoying as it is, I’m sure the DIL will eventually put her foot down and set what they (her and your son) are comfortable with.  Most brides reach that point.

For the outfit, I would just throw your ideas at the DIL/son to see their opinons.  Who cares what the MOB wears, you should wear what you feel comfortable and great in!  I always think this ettiquette rule is silly, and honestly I think a ton of people don’t follow it.  Hopefully your DIL agrees! 


Post # 7
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I was the (almost step)mother of a groom (my FI’s adult son) and was charged with the rehearsal dinner when he got married. (Apparently I’m the only adult in his life capable of planning a dinner party.) I also ended up planning a rehearsal dinner where the food was significantly better than the reception food. Not one single person noticed (apart from me, because I’m a chef and I get paid to be hypercritical of food), and everyone had a great time at the reception despite the mediocre food and wine, because it was a wedding, not a gourmet dinner. People aren’t making these comparisons in their minds when they attend these events. They’re just celebrating and having fun.

Also – please stop worrying about coordinating outfits. As long as you look appropriately dressed and aren’t overshadowing the bride, no one is going to be standing around judging you and comparing your outfit to the MoB. And if they are, they’re asshats, so who cares what they think?

Post # 8
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

For the outfit, I’d just wear what you want, something in silver might be nice because it “goes” with the wedding colours without being the colour of the bridesmaid dresses.

My mom and step-mom (no FMIL) are wring completely different styles/colours, and I could care less. My step mom is wearing a weird floral looking dress with big poofy sleeves (think 80’s), and my mom is wearing a gorgeous, one shoulder, floor length gown in a solid colour. Not even close to the same colours. They didn’t ask eachother what the other was wearing, because who cares?

As for the “FMIL is ONLY paying for the reception” I’m cconfused by this? The reception is the biggest cost of a wedding? 

Post # 10
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@fayenet13:  let your kids decide/handle this

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