Post # 1
My parents are giving us x amount for the wedding, and my Father-In-Law has said they will pay for the rehearsal. My Fiance and I have been planning the wedding ourselves, with input from my mother (basically of what to do next). My parents have been down to earth about planning, and the only input they give is if they feel something is terribly wrong.
My Future Mother-In-Law wants to plan the rehearsal, which I’m fine with, but I want some say in it (like the time of the rehearsal – my family is traveling from several hours away), and had said I’d prefer it be at an alternate venue other then our reception venue. She keeps pushing having it at the reception venue (different room, but I feel like it ruins the venue for me), and has said she wants the entire thing to be a surprise for us. She was upset that we were not involving her in planning (all we’ve done is select a few vendors, which my folks don’t even get a say in), but obviously we aren’t at the stage of doing invites, or even designing things. I know I’ll need help down the road, but she seems super upset/mad that she is not involved now, when there is nothing to do…
Now, I’m typically not a ‘control-freak’, but this wedding planning has made me one. I want to know every detail, and plan things accordingly. I hate surprises, and I keep offering to my Fiance to foot the bill myself for the rehearsal if it means knowing what is going on.
Was anyone elses rehearsal a “surprise” event – all you knew was the time, not any idea of what is going on? Our reception venue only has a few choices for vegetarian and chicken entrees, and I only liked one on the entire list (I’m picky). I do not want to have the same food served twice either.
Post # 3
I think you should stand your ground on where it is being held. If you don’t want it at your venue, then tell her that sorry, but we are not having it there. This isn’t a shower where you should be surprised by what is going on. The rehersal is for you and your bridal party (and anyone else involved or that you invite) to sit and discuss the next days events or things that need to get done. The rehersal is something that the bride should know about a head of time, because you not only have to co-ordinate with the person marrying you, but also those involved in the wedding. Ask her if she will plan it with you, or maybe allow her to do a surprise shower, but not rehersal.
For ours, we are renting one of the conference rooms at the hotel in which everyone is staying. We are just catering in some Italian food. You don’t want to have that night be stressful, I feel it should be organized and that you should be in on it. If she wants to surprise you with a certain meal, that’s a little different.
I hope this helps! Good luck!
Post # 4
I think your Fiance should tell his mother that you absolutely do not want to use the same venue for reception and rehearsal..
Post # 5
Thanks! We are trying to talk to her, and have her look at other places. She wouldn’t budge last night, and was ticked he even brought it up. This morning she did apologize for being the way she was last night, but who knows.
I’m going to look up some info on a few local places this week and maybe throw her some ideas, and if she won’t budge, I may just tell her sorry and plan it myself. I can’t stand not being involved in part of the planning. I asked her about the times, said 3 or 7 were our options for the actual rehearsal, she ignores it, so I asked my Mom whats better, say shes 3 (we have a 5 and 3 year old in the wedding party), and his Mom doesn’t even respond about that.
My sister has talked about speaking with her about a shower, since she is 7 hours away. She could be in on the planning with his Mom (which would make me feel 100% better), and it would give his Mom something to coordinate.
During the phone call last night she said she wanted it to be a surprise, that the coordinator at the venue said “she’d give her a discount”, and that the venue would be ‘cheaper’ than elsewhere. And money is not an issue in this family. I understand his family feels like they are not involved and want to be involved, but taking over and telling us to basically ‘get screwed’ was not the answer, since it is our wedding. I decided to play nice guy this morning and emailed her with tons of info we are looking at (invite colors, asked her opinion on pocketfold styles, flowers we like, thoughts of other orange fall flowers, Bridesmaid or Best Man dress colors, all that fun stuff, as well as links to some of our vendors). Maybe she will feel involved now… I asked her to help with putting the invites together (FI said make her do the cutting, as he doesn’t want to do it.. hah).