Post # 1
I have a dilemma. I know having a rehearsal dinner is tradition and standard as part of the day-before festivities. But I’m starting to wonder if not having one would be easier and more fun. We aren’t very traditional people or going completely by the etiquette book. Here are my reasons:
1) MOG offered to host, but her idea of a reherasal dinner is renting out a dance studio (like for children’s ballet), sitting on the floor eating who knows what, and people dancing. The studio is 45 minutes away from the venue. Now the people in the wedding would not really be up for that, neither is FI or myself. She asked what I thought it should be, so I told her a nice restaurant near the venue. She thought that was boring, hence the dance studio idea. We have no plan for this dinner yet, so I ask her every time I see her about it, and she throws out some other crazy not-so-cool idea. I’m not really sure if she is serious or just joking. But it’s getting old.
2) If MOG does host, she won’t get around to it until the week before probably. I don’t necessarily trust her ability to plan anything, and it won’t be what FI and I want. If I was hosting, I’d send out nice invitations. I bet she won’t do that, even if I ask and offer to help.
3) I have tons of out of town family coming either Friday or Saturday (wedding is on Sunday). The only times I get to see my extended family is when someone gets married, which isn’t often. I would love to just hang out and “party” with everyone, and not limit to a stuffy dinner with just a few people from the wedding party. I would invite FI’s parents and the wedding party to this gathering.
So be honest. Am I being too uptight about the whole thing? Would it be inappropriate not to have a rehearsal dinner? Should I be grateful to MOG and just let her do her own thing?
Share with me your stories and why you did/didn’t or would/wouldn’t have a rehearsal dinner. Thanks bees!
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Have a “welcome dinner” and invite whomever you want! You can keep it fun / cheap by doing pizza or BBQ. That’s what we’re doing, for exactly the reason you mentioned about wanting to see everyone.
Post # 4
You can skip the rehearsal dinner if you’re also skipping a rehearsal.
Post # 5
we did rehersal dinner– it was two out of 4 groomsmen, fil and step mil, fil’s friend. our pastor and his wife and our pianoist and her husband, my mil and her two sisters and all my bridesmaids and my parents and one sibling and our children. we did korean barbeque at a resturant it was nice there werent printed invites- text message/phone call invites . had sake bombs and a little speech , we gave gifts to everyone and was good. kids and i left early because we werent gonna stay out late the night before…
i think a pizza dinner/bbq for all the out of towners “welcome dinner” would be a great event and skip the rehearsal dinner– do the rehearsal part though
Post # 6
We are having a rehearsal, and there would only be about 10 people (including SOs).
Post # 7
I agree with the previous poster… it sounds maybe like she wants the rehearsal dinner to be quite casual, possibly to eliminate some of the expense?
I think it would be absolutely lovely to have a “welcome BBQ” or “welcome picnic” at a local park, or even in your FIL’s backyard. Can you try to get your BMs involved in planning with your FMIL? You could bring a few card tables from home and cover them with a beautiful tablecloth (just pick up some fabric for cheap at the fabric store!), set out dishes (you could do inexpensive catering or bring a grill and have someone BBQ, or you and the wedding party and your FILs can all bring a few dishes each to provide. You can stake balloons into the ground with golf tees! Dress it up with a bouquet or two of cheap flowers from Safeway in painted bottles. Hang some twinkly lights or wrap them around tree trunks if you use a backyard. You can still send out nice invitations.
Find some inspiration photos, print them out, and meet your FMIL for lunch or coffee and start discussing! If you get excited about something and have ideas to keep it inexpensive and are offering plenty of help in planning, she’ll probably be on board!