(Closed) Reigniting the spark

posted 4 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
211 posts
Helper bee

<div style=”font-family: sans-serif; font-size: medium;”>Note: Untitled note</div>
<div style=”font-family: sans-serif; font-size: medium;”>Hey there! I have Mirena and I experienced a drop in libido and weight gain as well. I actually FEEL like kind of having sex maybe twice a month but I try to have sex at least once a week. I find that once we get started I can get into it or if we skip/shorten foreplay (not as much fun when you’re not in the mood anyway). I also find that when I have sex I want to have more of it, like a cycle. Try dirty dice or cards, and find different positions to try for fun! I was skeptical but its actually great! They’re good tools for getting acquainted with your partners’s body and connecting with one another with less pressure for everything to be perfect. At least that’s what it does for us. I hope that helps!</div>

Post # 3
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

dailydoubtingbee:  You and your Fiance have only been together 2 years and living together 7 months yet you are losing your excitement in the bedroom already. I remember commenting on your other post. You’re afraid to hurt your FI’s feelings by ending this relationship — you sound very kind. You may also be reluctant to give up the dreams you had for the two of you and I get it. There’s nothing wrong with you. Spicing it up in the bedroom isn’t going to help. You are forcing things when you really should find a guy who is right for you. Take my word for it, when you find the right man, you won’t be worrying about being in the mood or not. You’ll be so happy to marry him that that will keep you excited about him even when the initial infatuation is over. Sorry Bee but I just hate seeing you unhappy!

 

Post # 6
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

dailydoubtingbee:  Do you feel any kind of attraction to anyone else? Could it just be that you’re not in the mood to be intimate with him? Not trying to prod, but maybe you are not with the right person. On another note, maybe its something hormonal? I would check with my doctor or speak with a sex therapist about it. Also, have you talked to him about it? Is there anything he/you/both of you could do to get back out of this rut? 

Post # 7
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Based on this and your post a couple days ago…you aren’t with the right person.  I have a much lower sex drive than my husband but I feel incredibly attracted to him because of how he treats me and how he respects and loves me.  Quite honestly your sexual issues sound like a symptom of a much BIGGER issue.  And also your username of “dailydoubtingbee” says it all.  You are doubting your relationship, seemingly on a daily basis.  That’s a HUGE issue.  I think especially during engagement a bit of doubt is normal when it hits you how major of a life change marriage is.  However…it sounds like you are constantly doubting this relationship.  That is NOT normal.  I can sit here and tell you to wear sexy lingerie or role play to spice things up in the bedroom but I really don’t think that would do much of anything.

I know it’s hard ending a relationship, but do you really want to sign up for a lifetime of this with a marriage to this man?  It doesn’t sound like it from what you’ve posted here.  24 is still young — you have plenty of time to end this engagement and find someone else who is better suited for you.

Post # 10
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

dailydoubtingbee:  It sounds like you understand this, but just in case: marriage does not solve issues.  If anything it magnifies them.  If you do continue with this engagement and end up marrying him, these issues will literally feel 5 times worse.  

Post # 11
Member
2334 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Do you really want this for the rest of your life?

Post # 13
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

dailydoubtingbee:  Did you have a spark with your fiance initially when you first started dating? What insensitive remarks did he make that decreased your sex drive?

Post # 14
Member
4253 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You think healthy 20-somethings who don’t have sex for 2 months is just a phase?  I know it’s hard, trust me I get it…but you’re really grasping at straws.  A guy can be good and loving but that doesn’t mean he is the right partner for you.  I truly don’t think this guy is the right one.  This is MUCH deeper than no sex…the fact that you’re not having sex seems to be a symptom of something bigger.

Post # 15
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

dailydoubtingbee:  No spark is reason enough to end it. You deserve someone you feel deeply in love with, and your partner deserves someone who feels that way about him. If you settle and try to make things work just because he’s a good guy and you love him companionately, you’re wasting both of your time—time both of you could spend finding and being with someone who is a better fit for you! Just good-enough isn’t actually good enough for a lifetime. 

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