Post # 1
SO and I were supposed to go to Williamsburg, VA this past weekend. However, due to a death in his family, we ended up not going and went to visit his folks instead. They are going through a yo-yo divorce–meaning one month they hate each other’s guts, the next month they are trying to reconcile. Anywho, we were at dinner on Sunday when his dad brought up marriage. He asked when SO and I were going to finally get married. Then, he “fake proposed” to me to marry his son. Of course, I accepted jokingly. When he did the same to SO, he didn’t respond and instead, dodged the question. *OUCH* I felt really bummed and I tried to blame it on SO’s strained relationship with his parents since the divorce started. In the back of my mind, I can’t help feeling a little bit rejected. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I can’t think of a good reason why we aren’t married yet. 🙁 Like another poster said, I feel like I deserve someone who can’t wait to marry me. I don’t mean to undermine everything that we have been through together. He’s been wonderful, obviously, or I wouldn’t want to marry him. It just bothers me that after all this time (nearly 8 years…since we were 19), that he isn’t clammoring to make the next step. I don’t think men even fathom how rejected that can make a woman feel. What if the shoe were on the other foot, and he asked and I hesitated? I’ve been toying with the idea in my head that I’m going to give him until January to make a move. Otherwise, I’m moving on. I don’t want to express this to him as an ultimatum, but he’s well aware of my thoughts on marriage, and my desire to make the next step in our relationship. At some point, it just becomes selfish and cruel not to either get married or set me free.
BAD WAITING DAY… 🙁
Post # 3
i’m sorry. It’s easy to write off that kind of behavior when your SO is going through a hard time like that, but it still hurts. It still hurts a lot. (hug)
Post # 4
The only thing I can think of is that he is terrified that he is going to experience what his parents are right now, and he doesn’t want that, so he is just avoiding marriage talk. It could be. If I were you, I would talk to him. Keep it very light hearted. Ask him how he’s feeling about his parents divorce, then let him answer. Then, ask him if he feels that is impacting his thoughts on marriage, and let him answer. No matter what he says, don’t get upset.
A lot of people go through this when a divorce hits close to home. He deserves to give you honest answers, and if he won’t talk, well then you have bigger issues besides marriage
Post # 5
I’m sorry this is happening! He probably is just having a hard time with the split, and his dad made him feel uncomfortable. I know I am so so so ready to be done waiting, but if my parent did that to me and my SO, I would feel uncomfortable. I wouldn’t take it as a sign of his rejection for you and your future, just of that specific instance.
Post # 6
I’m right there with you as you know because you responding to my “bad time waiting” post. This would have hurt my feelings as well but I do know that men don’t think about these types of things when they say them. They should, and they should be more in tune to our feelings but most are NOT.
I’m also right there with you as far as setting a timeline, internally, without telling him. I’ve pretty much told him that I am going to end the relationship if something doesn’t change, just sans a date. I’m thinking the same as you, after the first of the year. No new year’s eve proposal, or sooner and I need to move on. It will be so hard and I cry it about that a lot.
This isn’t fun…. but like you told me “you’ve come to the right place.” Let’s support each other through this mess.
We’ll end up in a good place, one way or another!!