Post # 1
I feel so embarrassed. My fiance and I met with a day-of-coordinator last week and the meeting went okay. I had told her we were interested in having coordination for the reception only and not the ceremony. We are really familiar with the church and my fiance worked there for several years. She had also gotten married there and we talked briefly about the ceremony. I think she was just trying to be helpful and give us tips on coordinating it, but my fiance was insistent that we didn’t need help with that part (I think he was sensitive about the extra cost). She mentioned the door I could process in and suggested using the handicapped entrance which would open the door. I’m not sure if my fiance misunderstood her, but they disagreed on where the handicap entrances were and it got uncomfortable, she said there were entrances on each door, he said that they weren’t, she said that there were, he said that there weren’t. Super awkward. I felt like kicking his leg under the table for not letting it go. I don’t think he was trying to brusque or prideful, but maybe it came off that way. I got onto him about it afterwards (I felt like it didn’t matter if he was right), and he said he was just confused. The rest of the meeting seemed to go okay and I emailed her that day to thank her for meeting with us and then emailed again the next day to book her.
I got this response:
“I’ve been thinking a lot about our meeting, and after much consideration, I feel that it’s best for me to pass on your event. I hope there are no hard feelings.”
I just wanted to crawl under the blankets and die. I feel so humiliated. I emailed her back and apologized and I’m going to send her a card and gift card to try to make up for it, but I’m upset with my fiance and sad about the whole thing. I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable. I don’t feel like I can do anything else, but I needed to vent. :/
Post # 3
Don’t worry about it. You didn’t do anything wrong. Definitely don’t send her anything, that will just be more awkward. Its okay to not mesh with vendors, and it’s better for her to bow out now before things went farther and the two of them drove each other and you to insanity with the bickering.
Post # 4
Maybe she is passing on yours to wait for someone else to book for ceremony and reception so she makes more money
Post # 5
@em370: I too think that it may be for the best if there were small disagreements right away…about an area that you clearly said you did not need help with….
Post # 6
@em370: It sucks that you liked her and would have booked her, but there’s no reason at all to be embarassed or to send her anything. Be glad she was honest and told you right away rather than trying to force something for several months. I’m sure you’ll find someone just as capable and more suited to the two of you.
Post # 7
@em370: I agree with other Posters. I wouldnt send anything else her way, not even an email because it is going to create more awkwardness. If you stated clearly you didn’t need help in those areas I feel like she should have left it alone, but as other have said it is ok to not mesh well with vendors. You may find a DOC that is better than what you originally wanted. Please dont feel awful over it or take it to heart, and dont take it out on Fiance because he was probably just standing up for what you already said you didnt need her for.
Post # 8
Thank you, all! I feel a lot better.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre
Don’t send a card or anything else. An email is fine. If you didn’t get a job, would you send them a gift basket? Sometimes people don’t mesh. Take it as a learning experience and move on.
We’ve been pretty lucky with vendors so far, except for the first photographer that just stopped emailing us back….
Post # 10
Definitely don’t feel embarrassed! I wouldn’t have wanted to book her after the awkwardness between her and your Fiance. If anything, it sounds like she was being unprofessional- what happened to “the customer is always right” type customer service attitude? You don’t want someone like that working for you- no way! Forget the gift and card- you can go your separate ways and it’s not like you have to see her again. She doesn’t sound like anyone I would ever consider hiring- too confrontational and pushy. Wedding planner is supposed to make things less stressful, not cause stress.
Post # 11
@em370: oh dont worry about it at all. She probably checked and he was right lol and she was embarassed. Or maybe she thought you were going to not choose her anyway so she got in first. Please do not send her a card or a gift, honestly, that would be too unusual. Then she would have to contact you to thank you…..and so forth. 🙂
Post # 12
I’m going to go against the grain here and say that she probably felt really uncomfortable with the confrontation with your Fiance and I don’t blame her for backing out. You said yourself it was awkward and you were uncomfortable. She probably thought a working relationship may not be successful. Just let it go and don’t send anything to add to the awkwardness.
Post # 13
@em370: sounds like it’s for the best but I wouldn’t be sending any cards or gifts!
Post # 14
Thanks, everyone! I don’t think she’s in the wrong and I wish my fiance disagreed with her in a nicer way, but I think what bothers me is that I don’t think it would have been a reoccuring problem. I think my initial desire to send a card and gift stemmed out of proving “we are nice people, I swear!” but you all are right, I’m sure that would just make it more awkward. Oh well! She was highly recommended by a Bee so I’m a little disappointed, but I’m sure we’ll find someone else.
Post # 15
i dont think it sounds like she realised it was in the wrong, i think it sounds like he was belligerent and she thought life was too short to plan an entire wedding that way
normally the price is per event no, and not necessarily different for reception only versus ceremony and reception? it was for mine anyway
you dont have to send anything (i know you already said you wouldn’t) but you might need to ask fi to be less forceful. i had to have a talk with mine, who is very direct (esp when he speaks english, as spanish is more of a direct language) and it sounded like he was barking orders at our wedding planner. i told him to tone it down!