Post # 1
I’m a frugal, agnostic feminist who hates being the centre of attention, which pretty much means that being the bride in a traditional wedding is a bit of a nightmare.
Don’t get me wrong – I can’t wait to be able to call my SO ‘husband’ and I’m looking forward to making promises and exchanging rings but I’d really rather do away with all the rest.
I’d like to skip the flowers, dancing, cake, cars, bridesmaids, walking down the aisle, photographer, professional hair & makeup, church, gift registry, decorations and white dress.
This will leave us with a civil ceremony (formal dress), food, open bar and background iPod music.
I chose not to have an engagement ring and I’ve had to do so much explaining. 🙁
Has anyone else skipped lots of traditions? Did your guests get very confused or disappointed? Did you have to spend a lot of time explaining yourself?
Post # 3
I haven’t had to explain anything yet….I’m not telling to many people what I have planned, if they want to know they can come to the wedding. There are a few traditions I would just as soon do away with. We aren’t doing the garter/bouquet toss.
Personally I wouldn’t have a photographer or any flowers what-so-ever. We are doing a photographer because FI wants pics. But I draw the line at flowers, they are the one expense I think we can cut out completely since I’m not a flowery kind of person.
Just try to remember this is YOUR day (and FIs) do it the way you want to do it!!!
Post # 4
It’s your wedding day – do things because you want to have them in your wedding. Skip things because you don’t want them! 🙂
Post # 5
We aren’t doing the garter or the bouquet tosses, and we have said absolutely NO reception games (we hate them lol). Some people will probably be miffed, but we’re not worrying about it. You don’t have to do anything that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable, and people can think what they like – it’s not up to them. Enjoy it!
Post # 6
This has been a doozy! My family are religious, but not at all traditional. FI’s family are both religious and traditional.
I’ve already horrified a load of people by refusing to change my name or be given away, for example. The best advice I can give you is not to tell anyone any of the details. The less they know, the less they can criticise. Need to know basis only!
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
@Rachel631: Great advice!
OP- Choose the “traditions” that appeal to you and forget the rest. As long as you are a good host (provide edible food and drink, and a comfortable environment) all of the details (or lack therof) is up to you. And the less people know of your plans, the less they can criticize and whine about them. 🙂
Post # 8
@miharu: We are also skipping many of those traditions and we’ve never had to face any questions! I have been pleasantly surprised through the entire process that we’ve never had to explain any of our choices!
I post about it on here all the time but you might really like A Practical Wedding, the book http://www.amazon.com/Practical-Wedding-Affordable-Meaningful-Celebration/dp/0738215155/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1370277448&sr=8-1&keywords=a+practical+wedding and the website: http://apracticalwedding.com/
It’s all about embracing wedding transitions that make sense for you and your SO, rejecting the wedding industrial complex and just making the wedding meaningful, without all the crazy stuff!
Post # 9
@miharu: Not yet, but I anticipate that I will be hit with alot of side-looks and questions.
We have done everything ass-backward from the get-go: WE picked my dress together and have purchased it….but “aren’t engaged yet”. He has the ring (has had it since the beginning of May I believe) but hasnt proposed yet and we started planning in February :-p Which is fine, I’ve never been one to do things by the book.
Our wedding and reception will be a reflection of that, and I’m already bracing for the shitstorm. My dress is technically a prom dress because I dont want a “real wedding dress” taking up a huge chunk of our humble budget….also, the bottom is pink. We are doing a “destination” wedding at the beach in FL where maybe 15 people will come, and there will 2 officiants that are not clergy and our two Boston Terriers will be our only party members. The ceremony will be followed by a backyard BBQ reception. Literally, in a family members backyard by the pool. The horror.
Last week, I learned my plans to use cute, coordinating, sturdy, reusable plastic plates for such an event are not only painfully tacky, but may personally offend my guests.
*shrug* I could go on like this all day. But yes, we are bucking many traditions that we are waiting to spring on people until the actual day.
Post # 10
Wow – you guys are the best!
@waitingalongtime I’m so pleased to hear you’re not into flowers either – my horrified MIL made me feel like the only woman in the history of ever not to want a bouquet or corsage!
@chercee It’s so strange how some people can get miffed about decisions that really don’t affect them, isn’t it!
@Rachel631 Yep, need-to-know might just be the way to go. I think FI and I will walk in together and I guess I was worrying about confusing everyone seeing as organising our families is like herding cats, even when everyone knows what to expect!
@remijp Thanks for the links! Seeing other people doing their own thing is so inspiring!
@badabing88 Your post made me laugh (I think it was the use of the word ass-backward)! I’m pleased that you’re anticipating side-looks and questions but still going ahead with your own thing. Your wedding actually sounds brilliant, which has reminded me that if a few people forget their manners and get a bit grumpy because they don’t get what they expected as a guest, who cares? They get to see us get married. We’ll feed them well and get them drunk. Fair exchange if you ask me! :p
Post # 11
@miharu: I echo what @pengoala: very succinctly stated – it is your wedding and you should not have to jusitfy your choices to skip wedding “traditions” if they mean nothing to you and your FI. Like @lovekiss: said, as long as you are a good host to your guests, you can do whatever you want.
The FI and I are not doing a number of things some people consider to be essential to a wedding:
- No white wedding dress – it’ll be a hot red number for me
- Hyphenating my name
- No flowers – well to clairfy, no real flowers. I’ll either have a big ostrich feather fan or a brooch bouquet and it’ll be fabric or paper floral decoration all around.
- No communion – I come from a Filipino Catholic family… I’m looking forward to the backlash
- No bouquet toss or garter toss
- Not waiting until I walk down the aisle before we see each other
OP, have you checked out Offbeat Bride? It has a lot of articles and posts of other non-traditional weddings which you might enjoy.
@remijp: I love that book! My friends gave me crap for reading a wedding book but I would recommend it to everyone planning on getting married. It really helps one to focus on what truly and really matters. It doesn’t shame you for wanting all the extras but it helps one realize that whilst having all the extras are great, not having them is ok too.