- 5 years ago
Hi Bees! Super regular gone anonymous for this one. I am in need of advice, a reality check, who knows….
Background: My SO and I have been together for 3.5 years and living together for 2.5 years. We’ve, for the most part, had a great relationship. Of course, we’ve had our struggles as any couple has, but we’ve managed to work past most of the major issues. Most. There are a few things we can’t manage to get past and this is why I come to you. 1) There is a (long) history of him being flirty with other women, and then I “over-react”; 2) I now feel rejected (based on below); 3) He says I don’t respect him, treat him as an equal, etc.
Problem: We had been discussing engagement for about 4 months prior to the holidays, and it was pretty much decided on that it would be happening soon. Yay! Then the following chain of events occured. His company holiday party took place around mid-December. We were having an awesome evening. Then he made a comment about how beautiful one of his co-workers looked. Enter drama. Yep, I said something to the effect of “why don’t you go be with her then”, and he got pissed, said I was ruining the evening, and walked away. We eventually left the party, rode in silence home, and ended up in a huge fight. This is when he decides to tell me to forget the engagement, that he was going to buy the ring the next day to propose on Christmas, but has decided to not even bother because I’m not ready to marry him. Yep, I checked with the jewelry store, and he had put a deposit down on the ring.
Christmas morning rolls around and to make a long story he didn’t get me anything, because I ruined the proposal and he didn’t know what to get in place of that. So, he opened his gifts from me and we went on with our day as if it were any other. Ummm….yeah….pretty heartbroken and hurt by this.
Basically, I try to put all the Christmas disappointment behind me, and move forward in making the relationship better. Then last night it all comes out. I got home from work, and he was playing x-box. He barely looked up from the tv as I walked in, and after about 15 minutes gets up and gives me a kiss before going and continuing to play. Normally, this wouldn’t have bothered me, but last night it really irritated me and I basically did everything I could to start a fight. A Big Fight. Terrible things were said, he slept on the couch, and then….this morning (5:30am)…he came into the bedroom and said he wanted to talk because he felt “it” was over. We talked, decided to keep trying, and left it at that.
So, if you’ve read this far, what I need is…help…advice…someone to shake me and make me wake up….something. I love this man. I adore him. I absolutely respect him, value him, want only the best for him. How do you move forward? But, also, how do you move forward equally? Knowing that it wasn’t just me who has messed up in this relationship….How can we move forward in a healthy, happy, trusting, loving way? I feel like he sees me as some kind of crazed, jealous, unhappy, controlling, manipulative &^#$%. Is there a way to move beyond the two plus years that have led to this point?
*Sigh* Thank you if you’ve read this. Thank you, even more, if you have any advice to offer.