- 1 week ago
My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years.
He turns 30 this July. I turn 24 this year. He is a registered nurse and has been working at the hospital for 8 years now. I am an Occupational Therapist. We have been dating for four years. I love him and it’s been really really great our relationship. Since the beginning, I made it clear how much I value marriage and he also stated that his end goal is marriage. I brought it up at our 3 year anniversary to see where his thoughts are and if he’s still wanting marriage and kids. He stated he wants to get engaged and be married because his parents arent getting younger too etc. He made the decision to go back into school for another 3 years which is awesome. He may have to locate depending on where he goes and if hes in school then he has to stop working because thats how intense the program is. I told him that long distance wasn’t an option and that wherever he goes ill go! Then he stated that he would live off savings for three years and possibly take out loan for living. I think that taking out a loan is ridiculous for living. I said listen if you do that it’ll be pointless at the end since we both are going to end up married anyways so I’ll pay for living expenses apartments heat, water etc. His car is paid off and so is mine. So, I am willing to pay for living expenses since he has made it known that he does want a future with me. Sometimes, I feel like he says it to shut me up though even though he says it’s not true.
Anyways, we just turned 4 years and my family member brought it up saying when are we getting married? Once they saw our faces they quickly changed the convo and said “Its alright! don’t rush into it!” then he quickly looks at me with a face and eyes popping out like “SEE!” After I confronted him about it he said he didn’t mean anything bad about it but that he finally found someone who agrees with him that we shouldnt rush into marriage. I thought after 4 years you feel rushed into marriage rather than ready? Hello, red flag. No?? He said he feels pressured by family.
Then I was really hurt. We are open and honest with eachother at ALL times. So I told him “I feel really shitty because I dont want to tell you how you should feel but after 4 years of being with someone you should feel like u know their the one and ready instead of feeling rushed.” then he stated “Well I am going back to school and I dont want to plan a wedding while in school.” but we have decided that we would hold off a wedding until school is finished. When we went on vacation, he had a few drinks and stated “as soon as i know where I am going to school itll happen” and then he told me yesterday “He doesn’t want to propose or plan a wedding because its not the ideal time” even though we said we could be engaged and then hold off on a wedding. Then he stated “How am i going to afford an engagement ring while in school?” Mind you, he is 30 years old and still lives with his parents. Has no bills but insurance and phone bill that is $40. He is obsessed with shoes and buys it because of the resell it holds. So, after the conversation and talking to him he told me he loves me and wants me to be his wife but it’s not ideal right now. Even after i told him I felt like I am just being strung along until he knows I am the one for him as a wife but he said thats not the case and its not true.
Anyways, after speaking to my mom.. I thought “If there’s a will, there’s a way.” He has OVER 40 boxes of shoes in his room with the resell value between 200-2,000 max. If he really wanted to propose, he would. Also, he doesnt start school until July 2021 or January 2022. So therefor, he has a year on RN pay with no bills and constantly making money and buying shoes so financially he can’t say that he can’t afford a ring since hes going to school. He said “it’s not the ideal situation because of school and how will he afford a ring.” I assured him it doesn’t have to be top dollar but he insists that I deserve the best of the best and the best proposal and ring which is why its best if we wait after he’s finished with school which will be anywhere between 3-5 years from now.
We do not live together. I commute 40 minutes away to his parents because he isn’t allowed to sleep at my house unless we are married (father is strictly old fashion in a good way).
I feel shitty because after 4 years and you’re feeling pressured to think about marriage?
Also, I am not going to work my ass off paying for a whole apartment in BOSTON with the bills being so expensive as JUST a Girlfriend. I deserve at least a fiance role. It makes me feel shitty again because does he not see that I am willing to leave my job and move and pay for expenses. Even though I told him I would, I am having doubts because I don’t want to play a wife role if you’re not willing to change my girlfriend status.
He wants the best of the best proposal for me because he doesn’t want to propose just anywhere he said. We are going to Italy and Paris this summer. If his words are truly what he says, he’d propose there no? So I am thinking if he doesn’t propose, I think I am going to end the relationship. I don’t want to waste four years of my life with someone who doesn’t know what he wants with me or doesn’t see my value. Am I wrong? I need advice!!!!!!
By The Way, we were supposed to move in together but he thought it was better not renting because it was wasting money which I agree but he didn’t want to buy because he doesn’t know where he’s going to school. Our relationship is so damn good like he’s great, treats me right, and is my bestfriend. Thinking of leaving him HURTS but I feel like he doesn’t find me worthy enough though especially after four years.
Sorry for the SHPEAL and grammar errors. I am too stressed and lazy to go back. God bless everyone and thank you.