(Closed) Relationship Anxiety is Destroying my Relationship

posted 3 years ago in Wellness
Post # 2
Member
11278 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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longstockingjayne :  

No, your anxiety is from nowhere.  It’s called “free floating” anxiety because it’s not pegged to anything that’s actually happening in reality.  You are a bottomless pit right now.  No amount of reassurance is going to fix your anxiety.

Men don’t like problems that they can’t fix.  It frustrates them.  He can’t help you, but you keep dumping on him.

Sweetie, this something you have to handle without your bf.   Meds and therapy are essential to get you out of this hellish, endless loop.

It’s natural to assume that if you feel anxious, there must be a reason and gawd forbid we should miss an opportunity to freak ourselves out.  But, anxiety disorders trick you.  Yo can feel extreme anxiety without a clear basis. Then you act as if it’s reality based which just generates more anxiety.

Take care of yourself first. 

Post # 4
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee

I think this guy could be gaslighting you.

Post # 6
Member
2558 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You need to quit getting all of your comfort for your anxiety from him. It was unhealthy and will drive him away. Do you work? You need to get some hobbies and some other activities to help occupy yourself.

Post # 8
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

IMO… never be afraid to lose a man. any man! i don’t believe its even possible to “lose” the man who’s meant for you, unless you do something terrible like run over his relative with your car. seriously, a man in love is pretty impossible to shake 😉

so take that stress off yourself- if he leaves, fine- you can’t control it anyway, and all it shows is youre not meant to be.

that being said, you’re not doing your relationship any favors by looking to your SO to calm your storms. take time learning teqniches on when to take your meds before things get out of hand, or coping excercises. <3

 

Post # 9
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

This relationship doesn’t sound very healthy. Was he an ex BECAUSE he cheated on you and that’s why you think he did again recently? It sounds like you would be better off without him. You’re constantly anxious to the point of doubling your med dose and he stays angry for days? Do you actually want to be in this relationship, does it bring you any joy or happiness?

Post # 10
Member
1223 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Poor guy.  That would drive me insane also.  

Look up magnesium deficiency and anxiety.  I’ve been taking magnesium for a few years now and I’m so much calmer than I used to be.  

Post # 11
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I can relate. In the past I’ve had abandonment issues (more with friends growing up than with romantic partners). I also have anxiety and depression. Getting my therapy and meds right have helped immensely. As has the book Attached. I can’t recommend that book enough.

While ultimately I put a lot of this on myself to mange and work through my anxiety I’ve also found that different partners can either heighten my anxiety or minimize it. In the beginning with my partner I had a lot of anxiety but we were able to work through it because he is patient (and has anxiety himself, though with different triggers, so he gets it). It’s gone down substantially over time as I’ve worked on myself and have the past track record with the relationship to know I can trust him. I also think, unfortunately, that while therapy helps, sometimes you need to work through things in an actual relationship vs. in abstract for them to get better.

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, I think you need to be by yourself for a while until you get some of this under control.  Need constant reassurance, being accused of doing things you didn’t do by these issues being completely in your head, etc…

Fear tends to be a self fulfilling prophecy…what you fear the most tends to happen when regarding another human being? Why? Because our actions tend to be directed based on our fears. For instance, my ex husband used to accuse me of cheating all the time….his fear of losing me was the nail that pushed me away (at least that was one issue) because what he feared directed his actions.

You cannot have a healthy relationship if you’re not healthy period. Imo, you need to do this process apart from a man.

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