relationship anxiety

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 108
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

It’s weird he originally started your relationship with this 5 year timeline and now suddenly saying he doesn’t believe in timelines. BUT it’s GREAT news that he’s invited you to meet so much close family! So I’d say YAY!

Post # 109
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’ve had a quick read through here, and some of you Bees are full-on! I think we put in a societal expectation, rather than an organic progression of a relationship sometimes! Not everyone is going to feel ready, or ought to “feel ready” at 8 months. The one thing I agree on, is K you need to talk to him more. Don’t shut your feelings and needs – it’s OK to have them, and it’s even more OK to express them.

K, to give you some context – I am almost 29 and my partner is 27. We have been together for almost two years and living together for 9 months. I dropped the “L” bomb six months into our relationship, after much deliberating and feeling so scared and vulnerable to do so. At that point in time, he was not ready to tell me; it was four months later that he reciprocated, the night I moved into my house and the night that we made the decision to move in together. I appreicated his honesty, and him honouring how he felt and respecting me enough to tell me the truth. I’m his first serious relationship, first woman to say “I love you” to him, and he wanted to be 110% sure about his feelings, because when he says something or committs to it, he does it for life. He’s a deep thinker and doesn’t say something for the hell of it. Now almost two years down the track, we’re talking kids, engagement (he has the ring and we’re going to Europe in a couple of weeks!), marriage and buying a house. He knows he is in this for the long-haul and he knows I am as well.

My point is, girl you know who you’re dating. Only you can evaluate where things are up to, and how to approach these with him. I had a shitty breakup with my ex too – he was an alcoholic, who cheated on me and completely dessimated my self-worth, and self-respect in many ways. I felt broken for a long time afterwards. I too had counselling, and it helped. But, I knew my (now) man; I knew his character, I knew his heart, and I knew his morals and his values. I knew he is not onet to be rushed, but when he gets there, he is there for life. We had the “talks” on a couple of occasions, just to check in with each other and make sure we’re on the same page, and sometimes you might hear things that sucks at the time, but you either take it at face value and meet them half-way, or you make the deicison that it’s not where you want to be.

The talks can be hard, but dammit they’re necessary. I wish you all the best for the future <3

Post # 111
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Glad to hear it. Having a slower or different pace isn’t necessarily a bad thing. At 8 months, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I saw each other twice a week (with sleepovers), hadn’t said “I love you,” (that took 1 year and 2 months),had probably never or rarely spoke on the phone (and we were 38 and 39, so definitely not millenials), and had just become FB friends. However, I had no doubt that it was a serious relationship heading towards marriage.

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