(Closed) Relationship change with SO mother when she became FMIL?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Could your SO have a talk with Future Mother-In-Law, and draw some lines, so you don’t have to?  🙂

Post # 4
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Very much so!! But my relationship change includes Future Sister-In-Law also. We all 3 were what I considered very close, until this ring was on my finger. Now, Future Sister-In-Law is a total you know know… Future Mother-In-Law is always trying to take over on this wedding planning. They are rude, snarky, and sometimes, just down right hateful! I’m really hoping things get better after the wedding, but things will never be what they were before. I will never trust them again, and there is no way we can go back to what we had before. It scares me what will happen when we start having kids!! Just keep your head up and don’t let them get you down. I know it’s hard and that is easier said than done! If you ever need to vent, remember there are plenty of us going through the same types of things, vent to us! Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

Our relationship hasnt changed, she still has some resentment issues towards me, but we have gotten closer as time moved on, but she was really hands off on everything until the guest list started. then she wanted to invite every Tom, Dick, and Harry that she hasnt seen or spoke to in years to a wedding she has absolutely no financial stake in…argh!

Post # 6
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Mine hasn’t changed. I ‘ll say speak up now about the guest list before it gets out of control. Especially since you are paying for the wedding. Since we are paying for the wedding we did everything ourselves and just told people what we were doing. If they don’t like something we are doing with the wedding they don’t have to come to the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yep, this has happened to me! Not regarding the wedding, in all fairness to her, she has stayed well out of the planning and invites, even though they’re contributing a big chunk of money. It’s other things. My Fiance is the youngest of 3 siblings, and they’ve all got married year on year for the last 3 years, with us being the last, this year. My Fiance and I have never spent Christmas together, and didn’t this last year, but both his siblings went to their spouse’s families. Now his mum’s panicked and demanded that we all go on holiday together EVERY YEAR so that she can have all her kids in one place at one time!!! Starting this year (because having everyone together for our wedding isn’t sufficient). This is in addition to Christmas/Easter/family events. ( I should point out that the last time they all went on holiday together as a family, my Fiance was 9)

I tried to point out that a) we hardly have enough money and days off work to go on one holiday on our own – especially this year, and I don’t want to spend my only holiday with my Future Mother-In-Law and all her family, and b) all her children’s spouses have families that would like to see them too, so could it not be every other year?

All this was brushed aside, and we’ve been forced on the first of these family trips already. It was a disaster. We hardly spent any time together, Future Mother-In-Law spent all her time with her daughter, who won’t speak to me or FBIL’s wife (seriously, I said hello and she just looked at me), FSIL’s husband spent all day in bed, and my Fiance and his brother just watched TV most of the time. So pointless, and so infuriating. 

The worst thing is, up until this point, we had visited them regularly in their lovely home in a holiday destination, even been on holiday together, seen lots of them. So I don’t see that there was a problem. It’s like she had to exert her control now that all her kids are married. 

Post # 8
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

There have been posts about this very thing on A Practical Wedding: http://apracticalwedding.com/

Very appropriate and informative.

Post # 9
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

yup, she liked me “so much more than his ex” when Fiance and I were just dating…since the term wedding, engagement, proposal, and Fiance have entered our vocabularies officially now, we had what one would call a “misunderstanding.”  She went through hating my guts for a few weeks and bashing me to her daughters, to now everything being calm and for the most part done with. (we shall see, i have only met her one time, and spoke to her on the phone a few other times. other than that, since that outburst, i have really avoided any contact with her.  she frightens me to be honest with you.) we shall see what the wedding weekend brings! every time i get nervous and think about it, i remember that I will have my relatives there who love me and care for me and it makes me feel a lot more comfortable.

Post # 11
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@HunnyBear – I’m glad it was helpful!   I read that blog every day to keep me grounded in the midst of wedding madness.

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