(Closed) Relationship crisis and 3 weeks to the big day.

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What is domestic abuse?
    any form of name calling, pushing hitting kicking or violence that leaves a mark. : (113 votes)
    93 %
    pushing hitting kicking, light slapping : (45 votes)
    37 %
    holding someone down and leaving bruses. : (40 votes)
    33 %
    an actual hit that leaves a mark. : (41 votes)
    34 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Doesn’t sound healthy at all. Not sure marriage is a good idea from the sounds of it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Sorry, physical abuse can’t be blamed on PMS. You can’t hang on your hat on that every time.

    Physically abusive relationships are no good for either side. God forbid you get married and bring children into the relationship and it continues. Put off the wedding and figure out if you can be together without resorting to physical violence, or get the hell away from each other. A relationship wherein the two of you beat one another is toxic. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @ljm:What is it that is spawning these arguments?

    Have you tried couples counseling?

    Post # 6
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Um, yeah, I’d call it off.  Then get help, separately and together.  Then figure out if you even want to be in this relationship, let alone marry this person.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7386 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    All of your choices listed above qualify for domestic abuse IMO.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @ljm: 

    Either one of you put your hands on each other in anger, it’s abuse. Kicking, slapping, bruising- that is abuse. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    You and him are abusive to each other. You are both at fault. Do not get married. IF you think this relationship is something you want, delay the wedding indefinately, and go to counseling. If not, go your seperate ways. 

    And, for you, get your own counseling. Why do you think it is OK to call your loved one a name? To hit them? The frighten them? Where does this stem from?

    Post # 12
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Do you still love him? How does he feel? 

    Every couple has disagreements. Every couple goes through ups and downs.  IMO, being violent with one another is not acceptable. That is not a healthy way to deal with frustrations.  I can’t say whether you should cancel the wedding, but you should reconsider getting married so soon if you are having these issues. 

    Counseling would be a good option if you are both willing to put a lot of time and effort into the relationship. 

    Good luck to you! Let us know what you decide

    Post # 14
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @ljm: 

    We’re not unicorns. This exists. We wouldn’t all be telling you it’s abnormal and abusive if it wasn’t. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    What you’re describing is a basic lack of respect for each other. This can be fixed, but it will require a change of heart and mind from both of you, not just a change of physical behavior.

    I’m curious, why have things gotten worse in the past 6 months? Are you both under a lot of stress for reasons other than the wedding planning?

    Post # 16
    Member
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Screaming, name-calling, hitting, slapping, holding down, any sort of violence in those manners is abuse to me. 

    The topic ‘Relationship crisis and 3 weeks to the big day.’ is closed to new replies.

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