(Closed) Relationship Frustrations (Arrgghhh) – Advice????

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@lovemoore:  Honestly? He sounds like a freakin’ man-child. Temper tantrums, refusing to take responsibility for his own actions, and unable to admit fault. Doesn’t that sound like a child to you?

We all know relationships are give and take. It doesnt look like he’s giving you anything here. You shouldnt need to walk on eggshells around him, and you certainly shouldnt be apologizing over and over to him for something that was not your fault. Especially when he is blantantly refusing to accept your apologies. You are lightyears ahead of him in terms of maturity, and it shows.   

Really, take close and hard look at your relationship. Are YOU happy? 

Post # 19
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@lovemoore:  I feel that he is the one who is manipulative and spiteful. I mean, he didnt propose because you got into a fight in the same month? Talk about holding a grudge. He refused to get a Valentines gift becuase “why bother”? That sounds horribly spiteful and immature. 

Im sorry you’re going through this right now. Big hugs to you! You’ll get through this, and you’ll come out a better person in the end. I know this because you sound like a wonderful, mature, responsible woman who knows what she wants in life. You seem very forgiving, especially since you’ve been putting up with his behavior for this long. If you know what you want from a relationship, and your current relationship is not fulfilling that for you, then it’s high time to start re-thinking who you’re with.

Since you’ve started dating/living together, do you two ever get any alone time? Really, spending some time apart and getting some time to yourself might be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself in a long time.

Post # 20
Member
7644 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I start off by saying that I’m not trying to attack him, or point fingers, but I feel unsure about where I stand in this relationship and what to talk to him.

Just an FYI for the next time you want to talk to him, NEVER start out a conversation that negitively. All he heard was “I’m attacking you and pointing the blame on you.”

That being said sounds like he is pissy because HE woke up late. It’s his fault. He’s a grown man that should know how to set an alarm clock. I know you said you guys mostly have just minor arguements, but it sounds like your relationship with him, even before the big blow up, has been kind of strained. He says you screwed up Christmas proposal then Valentine’s Day.

I think some time apart would do you both some good or perhaps some counseling if you think you really want to stay with him. My honest opinion: name calling is a no-no in relationships. I wouldn’t stay with someone who was belligerent.

Post # 23
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, I had to stop reading and comment halfway through…

An engagement isn’t something you “earn” from your “good behavior”, so him hanging it over your head like that is absolutely inappropriate. It’s very manipulative and does not sit well with me at all.  Sure, a guy wants to propose when things are going well in the relationship, but you getting into an argument one night should not have any bearing on it, and if he wasn’t feeling the xmas proposal because of it, fine but he doesn’t need to tell you about it and say you screwed it up.  ugh, not cool at all! 

okay, i’m going to go read the rest now…

Post # 24
Member
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@lovemoore:  If it’s as bad as I think it is (which is worse than I originally thought), taking time apart can’t make things any worse. And if you realize you guys just can’t/don’t get along anymore then you will have to think about moving on.

Post # 25
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Definitely time apart… but also ask him if he is interested in counselling to help you work through things. If he is not, then that is a bad sign. If he is not willing to admit that he is at least a part of the communication problems, then that’s a problem.

Post # 26
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

okay read the rest now and wow. He sounds like he’s being a total jerk. There’s no reason that conversation had to or should have turned into a fight.  You guys need to learn how to fight fair.  I think a little time apart to think and clear your heads is in order.  He sounds really immature if your arguments spiral like this. I’m so sorry.

Post # 28
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I def reccomend a few sessions of relationship counseling.  It def worked for me and my Fiance.  There was a point where we were both talking but nothing was getting through for both of us and we seeked a few sessions and it helped enourmously.  Good Luck, don’t give up!

 

Post # 30
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lovemoore:  Honestly, I just read your other post on here about him and he doesn’t seem like he has any respect for you or your feelings.  I really don’t like the sounds of any of this.  Something’s got to change.  I’d suggest counseling if you’re not ready to leave the relationship without trying one last chance.  He’s got some nerve to call you controlling and jealous, etc. when he’s the one out at a bar after work not telling you he’ll be home late!

Post # 31
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He sounds manipulative…. “I was going to propose but you screwed it up” ?!?

 

That’s classic manipulation. I would leave this relationship immediately.

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