(Closed) Relationship Help!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow that’s really tricky. I’m not going to tell you to leave him, but you really need to ask yourself if you are ok with living in isolation for the rest of your life? Is there any hope for you getting a job? Are there many opportunities for you to meet people? If not, I’d seriously reconsider making such a sacrifice. Love might seem like enough for now, but it’s going to affect your relationship in the long run.

Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Marraige should be a compromise. I’m sure somewhere there is an area where he could farm closer to a city. Talk to him. This is really a convo you need with yourself, and with him.

Post # 5
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

That’s really tough.  Does the move have to be permanant or will he ever be open to relocating.  A few years ago my fiance was asked to relocate to Michigan.  He had to move there for three years and then would be eligible to relocate back to NY.  He asked me to move out with him.  After graduating (and not having any job prospects where I was) I decided to move out with him to Michigan.  I miss my friends and family alot, but knowing that we are here for ‘x’ amount of time is making it more manageable.  So maybe if you could agree to move away after a certain time?

Post # 8
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

@amanda2:  Ok.  Have you talked to him and explained all of this to him?  As in everything that you’ve told us on this thread.  And even if you have sit down and explain how you feel again and explain how you’re starting to second guess everything because of the situation.  See what he has to say.  Maybe he would be more open to relocating then?

Post # 10
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Franklin Plaza

@amanda2:  Wow!  I don’t know what else you should do.  I can imagine that it’s extremely frustrating that  that’s all he has to say.  I don’t know what else you can say to get through to him.  I don’t know if it would help in this scenario, but maybe trying couples counciling.  Again, though, I don’t know if this is a situation that they would help with.  Does he not seem to care whether or not you two are living together?  Or does he just not think ahead and hasn’t realized what that will be like?

Post # 12
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I might suggest you do a back to basics pro/con list.  Do you want to be WITH him on the farm…. more than you want to be WITHOUT him.  I think you can start with answering that question and then go from there.  Do you love him.  Do you want to be with him.  THEN work out how to fulfill your life given that it means you will be living somewhere different than your “dream”.

I do agree that couples should compromise…. farming is different.   It’s definitely a “lifestyle”.  He can compromise maybe on other areas…. like you could travel.  Can you go visit your family for the weekend twice a month, for example?  He could set aside a budget to help with travel expenses.

 

I can also tell you that if you REALLY watch Real Houswives…. NONE of those ladies are actually happy.  Money isn’t what buys happiness and typically in that lifestyle couples don’t stay together too long.

 

Now – what you CAN do….. again, compromise….. is maybe buy a 2nd home…. like a condo in Miami, for example.  Where condos are cheap right now, so it’s not a ton of money, but it might fulfill your desire to own a home by the water.  That would give you guys a “vacation home” where you guys could go several times a year, together.

Post # 14
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I also live on a farm, an hour away from the nearest town. Fiance can’t even leave the farm some weeks (he’s on call every second week, works every second weekend ect), but when we do leave we can’t go away for more than one night at a time because we have animals to care for. We’re pretty isolated, and even though FI’s job is the reason we’re so far away, he gets annoyed that we can’t run away for a week..

Personally, I LOVE it here, but I know this life is not for everyone.

How far away are you from town?

There are always job opportunities in rural areas, but there may not be anything you are qualified for or would enjoy. Could you commute?

If it turns out that you can’t find a way to compromise, then you’ve gotta decide whether you’d rather be with him on the farm, or without him elsewhere.

You can still have fun in rural areas. We live in a tiny little town, but i’ve made a couple of friends, we’ll get together and have a few drinks, or go shopping in town sometimes. You can have date nights on the farm (hello picnics!) and spend time with the animals (again, noy for everyone but I prefer animals to most humans lol), life is definitely different out here, but, life is what you make it.

I do sympathise with you, I couldn’t imagine having to live in the city. I’d go crazy, so if you feel that way about the country then it might be a dealbreaker for you.

Post # 15
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I love my Man and I’d go where ever he went…and vice versa. Would I be 100% happy living in the middle of nowhere NO WAY! But I would be with the love of my life and that would be enough for me. You have to figure out what’s enough for you.

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