- I am also getting my MBA full time
- I do all chores (minus taking out the trash)
- I do all cooking (homemade meals about 6 times a week)
- he chooses to work a late shift (he can work any time he wants) which means he sleeps til noon and doesnt come home until super late. this equals no time together and seperate sleeping schedule
- he drives the car to work (this is our only car, we bought it together after we got married and sold our old cars)
- I spend over 3 hours a day on public transportation for work (his public transportation commute would be the same time)
he knows all of this. And how much it hurts me and is literaly putting a big toll on me. This has been going on for over 2 years. He isnt here to see me cry about it a few times a week but I do express my unhappiness and pain, etc. we had an IM fight tonight which I dont like, because i know we should talk in person but the majority of our relationsihp is via IM because we are never together.
Back story. we are in the process of buying a car for me finally. we are looking at them this week. he never said we were waiting on any specific date to get one. also, we have plenty of cash to be able to buy 5 cars in cash if we wanted. so the whole affording it thing isnt a problem. oh, and he is a consultant. so he switches jobs frequently. but high demand jobs.
(I was IMing him and he wasnt resonding so I joked that he was out buying me a car).
me: You buying me a car?
7:20 PM James: not until after the 1st
7:21 PM me: ?
James: unless we get a good deal or something
it depends if I still have a contract with them after this project, punkin
James: If I don’t keep this contract then you’ll be able to drive the car
7:22 PM James: I’d rather wait a week or two instead of being stuck with a car we don’t need
me: Have you talk to your boss about it
Are you serious?
7:23 PM James: what do you mean
me: Maybe for you but just the thought of doing this in the winter for another 2 weeks sounds awful
James: Yes, I’m serious
me: I don’t think you realize how awful it is standing out in the freezing cold for a couple hours to get home waiting on a bus
You never said I have to wait until a date
James: take a taxi then
7:24 PM we’re waiting
me: I’m not spending 60 dollars a day on a taxi
James: I’m not going to spend $10k on a car that we don’t need
me: Until January first or 3 weeks from now
James: just take a taxi until you get to a bus stop or whatever
7:25 PM what is different between this year and last year
me: The problem James is getting 2 and from the trains then actually getting on the bus or train waiting for my transfers and then walking
The difference is my commute is much different this year
7:26 PM Are you joking right now? my commute has doubled
That’s the difference
James: I don’t think it’s worth to $10k+ dollars on the chance
me: How long do I have to wait?
James: I just said
me: I want an exact date
7:27 PM James: December has 31 days
it’s the 26th
me: You said January first
James: my project is supposed to be done by the 1st
7:28 PM me: OK but then u said a few weeks
January 1st is next week
7:29 PM Actually in less than a week
7:42 PM James: do you understand what I’m saying? It’s not a good idea to buy a car right now if I don’t have a job.
7:45 PM me: I know
But why do I have to suffer
Your commute if you took cta would be two hours?
That’s what mine is
7:46 PM James: what’s your suggestion
me: Quality of life is important james
Mine isn’t good right now
I wearing myself just to get to and from work
7:47 PM I will wait a week or two but I am not waiting for a month
I’m serious I need a car James
James: I know you’re serious
me: My commute is stressing me out and probably why I got so sick
7:48 PM You act like you don’t think its lagit
Like its a nice to have
7:49 PM I would like to see you do my commute for a week
You would probably go by a car immediately
7:50 PM If u lose this job you will find another
Not a big deal. you are a consultant, thats what happens.
James: You’re not thinking clearly. I never said you weren’t getting a car. I’m saying we’re not going to get a car this week unless we find a good deal.
You’re getting all worked up for no reason.
7:51 PM me: No, you said the first of the year , then you said a few weeks. Then not until you know for sure you are resigning your contract
7:52 PM James: There’s no re-signing. Also, I said a week or two.
me: To me that means we might get around to it on the next few months. You don’t move quickly on this stuff James. And I want you to understand how important it is to me
James: I know it’s important
We’re not financially going to make a move until the 1st, unless I get a good deal.
7:53 PM me: So if no resigning please explain what event we are waiting for. I just need to know
James: I’m trying to finish my first project
They my not want me after that
My project is due the 1st
BEFORE the 1st
James: I’m done talking about this
me: So the 1st
7:54 PM You act like have talked these dates before
You never said clearly
I just want you to understand the importance of it. I also wish you had some sympothy
7:55 PM James: I do have sympathy
me: I don’t understand why you let me go through the awful commute I do without trying to help. You get mad like now
7:56 PM I would think you want me me to drive and be safe and healthy over yourself. But once again I get it tough and you get to smooth sail. This is just like everything else in our life. I cook clean do everything that involve s time and work
I have the difficult commute
7:57 PM James: the next 5 working days will not kill you. We agreed to buy a car once our house was sold, fine. You then started to say that your commute was getting too much and you’d need a car; fine.
me: Where is your compromise James? How come I always get stuck with the bad end of the deal
James: I’m workign
me: I will happily wait 5 days
5 days then is what you said
8:00 PM me: Great , ignore me. Ignore how you treat me.You need to look at it from my shoes. How hard I work everyday. How difficult things are for me. You can’t even acknowledge it. You get up and work and have a much less difficult commute and less time consuming yet I am stuck taking care of everything.
8:01 PM me: If I explained our actual situation to people they would be amazed at what you get away with.
8:03 PM me: I honestly lie to friends and your family when they ask if you help around the house and about my commute and stuff. Cause I dont want them to think badly of you. This is bigger than the car. And you know that. I have been begging for your help and compromise since we got married. Nothing ever changes
You cannot even get up before noon so you can at least see me more than hi bye goodnight
8:05 PM me: I will have the car starting the second week in January if I dont have my own by then. And you can walk around in the cold and wind for hours each day taking cta to get to work.
And I am not kidding. That car is as much mine as it is yours. Its my turn.
So, am I crazy? because I feel like he is treating me awful. or am i overreacting? He always says that I am and it upsets me so much because I dont feel that I am at all. I feel like our relationship is so unfair and uneven. What upsets me the most is that he allows me to be overworked so much and knowing that there are very little things he could do to help me but he chooses not to despite me asking him.