- 5 years ago
Hello ladies, I’ve been reading these forums for about the last six months since my EX-SO and I were talking about getting married. We even have looked at rings together. I was hoping my first post here would be a happy one about my engagement, but instead it is about a break up and losing the love of my life to another woman, but the real crappy thing is, the woman hasn’t even talked to him in years. She is happily married and I doubt she even has any clue that she is the reason my wonderful relationship of 3 years is coming to an end.
The back story is this, my EX-SO and this woman (A) were friends in middle school, and as my Ex tells it, she’d always had a thing for him, but to him they were just friends and she was okay with that. In high school they drifted apart a bit, but were still friends, but A still liked him, and my Ex said they would talk all the time, but once A went off to college their communication all but stopped, and once A started dating her now husband, their conversations dropped to a few messages on Facebook about life. I guess a few months before my Ex and I got together he called A up and confessed his love to her. He told me that he told her that he feels like he made the biggest mistake ignoring her feelings the way he did, and that he was just an immature kid who wanted to be dating cheerleaders not the normal smart girls (btw I was a cheerleader at my school, and I feel like I am pretty smart too). He said that he didn’t want to lose her to some guy and that he felt they should be together. He told me that he told her she was “the love of his life”.
Well apparently A told him that she didn’t love him and hadn’t loved him ever. She told him that her affections for him in school were simply crushes and that she ‘friendzoned’ him by saying that she and he would never be more than friends and that was all. So I guess he told her that if she felt that way, it might be better for the two of them to just not talk anymore. All the while he was telling me this he was on the verge of tears and I’d never seen him cry like that before. It was breaking my heart. She was the love of his life. Not me. What’s so awesome about her I wanted to scream. Why is she so special?
Anywho, that’s a little out of order, because before he told me all this, A got engaged. We’d been together just about two years at this point. When my Ex found out that he did not receive a save the date but/invitation that a mutual friend had he was heartbroken. I asked him why and he told me that a really great girl he knew was getting married but that he hadn’t received an invitation to the wedding. At the time I thought he was sad because he didn’t get invited. Later when we were at mutual friend’s house I saw the STD on their fridge and inquired about it because holy hell the couple looked like they were from a freaking bridal magazine! My Ex said that that was the invitation to the wedding he’d told me about. Both mutual friend’s Girlfriend and I laughed because we thought it was hilarious that a guy was so bummed and that he thought the STD was an invitation and that an invitation could still be on the way. I also suggested that my Ex call A up and tell her she saw her STD at mutual friend’s house and that he just wanted to congratulate her. He said he couldn’t do that, and that was when mutual friend brought up their past and Ex told me the story I just told you.
I can’t lie. I was devastated. I’d just listened to MY boyfriend talk about how this gorgeous woman was the love of his life, and I’ll admit I didn’t react well. I was really close to getting A’s number and calling her up to bitch her out, because I felt like somehow all of this was her fault. I ended up staying with my parents for the rest of the weekend. My Ex apologized to me and said that he was sorry, he didn’t realize he still had feelings for her but that he loved me more than anything now, and things went back to normal.
Well jump forward to this July when A was getting married. Ex got really depressed the weekend of her wedding and he said that he felt like it was over. He’d missed his chance and that he had to live with it. That really pissed me off and I stormed out and stayed at my parents again. I told him that when he was REALLY over A and was ready to have a relationship with the woman he HAD then he could call me. Turns out that night he went and sat in the parking lot of her wedding reception because he had to see her. They got married in town, which is Ex’s and A’s hometown so luckily it wasn’t like he drove really far because he was drinking. He told me this during our breakup, because if he’d told me this when he called me Monday morning to beg for my forgiveness I would have broken up with him.
However, fast forward to present day. Ex and I had a huge fight and he yelled at me “Why couldn’t you be A? She’s the one I’m meant to be with!” and then he just got really quiet and said that he thought it was best if he was alone and thought that we should break up. He said that he didn’t love me, and that he didn’t think he could ever love me. But the most painful thing he said was that he thinks the only reason why he was with me was because I looked like A. Really? 3 years of my life wasted being a stand-in runner up? I was so upset, because unlike him, I did actually love him. I just let him talk at me for a while. It hurts because we were talking about marriage. Other than his obsession with A our relationship was great. But he said that he couldn’t get over her, and he said that if he couldn’t be with her, then he didn’t want to be with anyone.
I asked him if he was breaking up with me, and he said yes. I was very embarrassed. I grabbed a few things and am now back at my parents’ house. My dad, brother, and I are going to go over to our house tomorrow to pick up my things, and my Ex agreed that he wouldn’t be there.
Bees, my heart is broken. I feel like I should hate my Ex but I feel like I still love him so much. I feel upset with myself because I hate A and I know it isn’t her fault really, but I can’t help thinking it is somehow her fault. I mean, she led him on in high school and that is why he’s still in to her. If she’d just told him in high school that she didn’t actually love him then he wouldn’t have been obsessed. Even typing that I know how stupid it sounds, but that is how I feel. I lost the love of my life to another woman who doesn’t even know it. I feel like calling her up and telling her all the crap her actions have caused, because I feel like she owes me an apology, but I know that it’s wrong of me. My mind is just so messed up right now.
I’ve read my fair share of breakup stories on here and my heart always hurt for those girls and I couldn’t imagine being in their shoes, but now I am, and I know how hard it is to write a post like this, so please, I just need some kind words right now, and some help moving forward during this hard time.
Again, sorry my first post is such a downer. I was really hoping it would have been a happy one.