(Closed) Relationship of 3 years ending because of another woman. :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Jeez. Most people would call his behavior “crazy.”

The best thing would have been for you to not have met him in the first place, but you couldn’t have known, and there’s no sense in thinking about bygones. But I do think you got the second-best thing. Can you imagine if you’d actually married this guy?

He seems like someone who will always want what he doesn’t have. I think if she is ever divorced and he wears her down enough to give him a chance, it will be like Scarlett O’Hara with Ashley Wilkes.

Post # 33
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m so sorry about all this. It takes a special kind of asshole not to analyze his feelings sooner and not waste your time for 3 years. I can’t imagine how this must feel, and I know it will be hard to stop loving him, but try to remember that he is NOT who you thought. Take your feelings back and reserve them for someone else. You will find and be with someone 100000000 times better!

Post # 34
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Sassyfras27:  +1 To dodging a bullet

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@Melibear:  OP I’m sorry this is your first post too–But we are here for you!!  You were absolutely right that you did seem like a runner up and trust me—you will be the STAR in some man’s life, the only #1, and I’m sorry that you are dealing with this!!!!!

Hang in there and stay strong!!  Type it out!!! 

Post # 35
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I wouldn’t be worried about going over to the house.  It wouldn’t cross my mind that he’d have the potential for violence.  I’d be potentially ready to divert any attempts of his to “play nice.”  Get your stuff and get out of there, but be cordial.  If he even wants to try to talk it out, just tell him that as much as you still love him, you need time to think about things and that you’ll talk eventually.  At least then, you get to buy yourself some time.

Post # 37
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

*hugs* I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation. My ex completely blindsided me and told me he was not over his ex wife even though he explained to me time and time again why he left her and why they didn’t work out. He said he was “torn” between us. Even though he was to blame, I wanted to rip her throat out. So I told him to go &*%( himself and pick her and never to contact me again. I was not about to play second fiddle to some other gal. And neither should you. Cut your losses and move on. He will realize one day what he missed out on because he was too busy living in the past and fantasizing about what could have been. And when that day comes, girlfriend, you will have moved on and you can confidently tell him to kiss your butt!

Post # 39
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Melibear:   I’m so sorry for your pain.  Take care of yourself – it seems you are able to see the larger picture and I wish you strength during the healing process.

You deserve someone far better, who appreciates you and holds you above all others.  He didn’t, and if it hadn’t been A there would have been someone else you were second best to.   You are well rid of him.  

Your head will win out, in time.  *big hugs* 

Post # 40
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Melibear:  If she’d just told him in high school that she didn’t actually love him then he wouldn’t have been obsessed.


Or that may have propelled him to want her more. You will never know, and you know what? That is ok. Even if he siad he loved you, would you settle for being second best? Or when you have an arguement being compared to another woman who doesn’t give two shits about this guy? 

Instead of being mad at her, you should be more upset with him. It isn’t her fault for leading him on (well it kind of is) but more so his fault for being so immature to hang on to someone he never had. If that is how he wants to go through life–alone–then let him.

You will find someone that puts you first and love you and has learned to let go of people. You will truly find someone invested in you and your relationship.

Post # 42
Member
32 posts
Newbee

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@Melibear:  I’m so sorry to hear all that you’ve went through. Other bees are right that you definitely dodged a bullet.

Be aware that he may come crawling back to you in the future, saying he screwed up, how sorry he is, that he really did love you and what was he thinking… It wouldn’t be the first time a situation like that happened.

Be prepared for that, and know that you will stand your ground and not fall for it, because you are STRONG and you are a woman DESERVING 1st place in a man’s life! Shame on him.

Post # 43
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@Melibear:  Have fun shopping and getting some girl time in with your mom. I wasn’t torn up after my breakup with my ex, but it helps to be surrounded by people who love and support you. Good luck.

Post # 44
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am in a very, very similar situation except in my case I am “A”.  I am sorry you are going thorugh this kind of hurt, I bet A would feel terrible if she ever hears about this.  But at the end of the day this is all in your ex’s head and he has put her on a pedestal that she herself does not want to be on.

*hugs*  Time does heal all pain and you will find someone who sees you as his one true love.

Post # 45
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee

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@Melibear:  Hugs to you too and feel better!

This hive is a helpful bunch, don’t be surprised if you check in later and there is more advice Smile

Post # 46
Member
2673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@jessicadarling:  YES +1000. The ex definitely sounds delusional and frankly kind of creepy stalkerish. I really hope he leaves this other woman alone and doesn’t escalate his obsession with her. 

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