(Closed) Relationship of 3 years ending because of another woman. :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This guy sounds like a total idiot. You’re better off, trust me.

Post # 48
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@Melibear:  I’m so sorry that this is what you’re going through. As PPs have said, you deserve to be someone’s #1, not a runner up. This really sucks, and I think you have every right to your own emotions–whether you’re angry at EX-SO, even a little upset with A (even though you know it’s not her, I still get it). The one thing I don’t want you to do is feel like this has anything to do with YOU, and the person you are.

 

This breakup is happening because your ex couldn’t let a HS flirtation go. Honestly, would you want to spend your life with someone who would stalk a bride’s wedding reception? Like…no. You got the good end of this deal, even if it doesn’t seem that way now.

 

YOU deserve better than this, and I know that you’ll find it. Through this, you’ll also be able to appreciate it even more so than you would have before. We’re here for you when you need to vent and get it out. 🙂 ((HUGS)) to you, and happy thoughts 🙂

Post # 49
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Big internet hugs – I’m so sorry you have to go through this.  Like PPs have said, you will look back and be so relieved that you did not marry this guy! He’s obsessive and delusional.  You will find someone who loves you just as much as you love him, someone who is ready to devote his life to you.  Let yourself be mad at your ex and grieve, then pick yourself up and focus on yourself and finding your own happiness.  I’m sure you have a great life ahead of you, and I hope that your ex gets therapy.  I’m honestly worried for A that your ex will become some creepy stalker.

 

Post # 50
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

Your ex sounds like he is being a huge baby about his whole thing. He’s basically made up this whole fantastic relationship in his mind and is acting like he’s in a highschool melodrama. How creepy is it to sit in the parking lot of a wedding you were not invited to!

It sounds like he has a major case of thinking the grass is greener. Remember, he didn’t want this girl when he could have her. It was only when she rejected him that he became all obscessed. 

He has also be soo selfish and disrespectful of your feelings. I know it hurts now, but he sounds like he would have be an awful husband. 

 

Post # 51
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@Melibear:  Your ex-SO has fetishized this woman because he has never actually been in a relationship with her facing the ins and outs of day to day life. In his mind, she is the perfect archetype of a woman and has no flaws. There is no way for a real woman that he has had disagreements with and seen imperfection from can compete with this fantasy. Not only is his behavior delusiona, it is extremely juvenile.

 

Mend your heart and then find a real man. I am so sorry he lead you on for so long!!!

ETA: “A” has very little to do with your ex-SO’s issue and really has no appreciable role in this…try not to hate her….hatred is poison for the heart.

Post # 52
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

I can only echo what PPs have said. You dodged a huge bullet, though it may hurt now. I know you will be happier in the future.

Post # 53
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

That is AWFUL. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your ex sounds unhealthily obsessed with this girl, and the feelings were never reciprocated. Who gets hung up on someone they’ve never been with? What a complete insult to you. You don’t deserve to be runner up to anyone!

I’m glad that you realise calling A would be the wrong thing to do, I understand your feelings of misplaced anger. She’s probably as freaked out by the whole thing as you are. Waiting outside her wedding reception is just creepy, and stalker behaviour. 

Let him have his creepy, one sided obsession, I promise in time you’ll find someone who treats you well and loves you like the ultimate first prize you are. I know that’s not much consolation right now, but give yourself time to heal from this – it will be hard, but in time, you’ll start to feel relieved that you are no longer a substitute. Sending you massive hugs, take care of yourself.

Post # 54
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It sounds like A grew up and he didn’t.  He’s acting like he was meant to be with her, but they never had a romantic relationship.  Everything about her is some fantasy he’s built up in his head.  This is not her fault at all.

 

I’m sorry about what you’re going through.  I think in the end it’s better that you’re not in a relationship with someone this delusional and immature.  For some weird reason, this hanging-on-to-your-first-love thing’s pretty common in my culture, and people with this mindset NEVER get over it, even 40 years later.  Go out, spoil yourself, wallow for a bit.  In the end you’ll see that you dodged a bullet with this guy.

 

Post # 55
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

thats so f*cked up. i’m so sorry 🙁 good thing it happened now before you got engaged/married

Post # 56
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Melibear:  First, I’m sorry you’re hurting. 

Second, I don’t think you really grasp how bizarre and frankly creepy this story is. Your Ex is obsessed with a girl he knew in freaking junior/high school. One that he didn’t even have a relationship with and hadn’t been in touch with for YEARS. Calls her up out of the blue and confesses his love? Seriously? He doesn’t even KNOW this girl. He’s concocted some fantasy of her and is stalking her wedding? He sounds like he needs professional help. I’m not kidding about that.

As for you, you need to get it out of your head that any of this is in any way, shape or form A’s fault. Led him on? Are you kidding me? She had a school girl crush, he wasn’t interested, she got over it. Something that happens about a billion times a day in very high school in the world. You and your ex need to leave A the hell alone before you both end up with restraining orders. 

I wish you luck but as someone else said, you dodged a bullet here. Work on moving on.

Post # 57
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Melibear:  So sorry you had to go through this. Big hugs to you. Please keep in mind, this is nobody’s fault but your EX’s fault. It’s not your fault and A’s fault. She had nothing to do with anything and she does not own you an apology, it definitely wouldn’t make any wrongs any better. While I know you still love your EX, believe me, with time your broken heart will heal and you will be able to see why all this happened. 

 

It is definitely to know all this rather then after you marry this pathetic guy or have children. He said some stupid things and his actions are just plain immature. You deserve more than that and you will get the treatment you deserve

 

Things will be hard for a little while but like you said you are surround by plenty of people who love you and support you. You are stronger than you believe. Hang in there!

Post # 58
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh goodness, this is by far one of the most heart-breakingly horribly posts I’ve never read. I am so sorry you had to deal with this. I’m so sad for you because you lost three years of your to being as you called it, a “stand-in”. My heart is literally bleeding right now, because this story is so God-awful. I wish you all the best. I know how it feels because to this very day, I feel the same as I still suspect I’m a stand-in for my FI’s best female friend. I feel like I’m never ever really truly good enough for him and those insecurities still come in from time to time. 

 

On the bright side, you totally dodged a bullet. It would have been worse had you married him, had children, and the you find this all out after the fact. You deserve someone who loves you for you, not because you resmeble a past that would never be a future. Best of luck you and I’ve got plenty of virtual hugs being sent your way. 

Post # 59
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Melibear:  I’m so sorry hun! *hugs* xoxoxo!

As crazy as this all is, be grateful you found this out now and NOT after you are married. It’s not this girls fault. I doubt she ever led him on at all. I bet she really just thought they were friends and drifted apart, where your boyfriend at the time thought she was really in to him and then became upset when he felt like she didn’t need him in his lfe as much. 

The fact that he is so obsessed with this other girl and that he can’t see you for your own merits….ugh, you deserve so much better. You deserve a guy who is going to be so blinded by your merits and what you have to offer that he can’t even think about another woman. I cannot believe he went to her wedding and stayed in the parking lot… can you imagine how creepy that must have been for that couple? Be glad you are not with him anymore. I know that is easier said than done, but you have truly dodged a bullet. Go find someone that will see you and only you and will love you for being you. 

Post # 60
Member
6603 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@canarydiamond:  what she said! She said it better than I could!!

Post # 61
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

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@Sassyfras27:  Oh my gosh, plus +1000000000.

I agree with sassyfras27. You will look back at this day and you will be happy for it. You will meet someone who treats you like you’re supposed to be treated. 

I truly believe that every moment of our lives leads us to where we are supposed to be. I think this is your moment and you should accept that better things are coming. 

On the plus side, you apprently look like this gorgeous girl so there’s one positive.. :-/

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