- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Your ex is an immature idiot. You dodged a bullet. Sorry it hurts right now, but you’re far better off.
Your ex is an immature idiot. You dodged a bullet. Sorry it hurts right now, but you’re far better off.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. But keep in mind your relationship is not ending because of another woman but because of your EX-SO’s obsession over someone else who made it very clear that she did not want or love him. This has nothing to do with her but just a living breathing excuse for him not to committ to you. Move on…you dodged a huge bullet. But please do not blame this on her. She didn’t lead him on by having a silly high school crush what a decade ago? He has some issues and he needs to work through those while you move on and find someone amazing who deserves to be with you.
What’s wrong with him? Who gets obsessed with someone because they had a crush on them… Really. I’m wondering if she used to be less attractive when she had a crush on him and now that she’s good looking he’s “in love” with her. Either way he is shallow as heck as he hadnt talked to her in years. But enough about him, I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁 I know you’re hurting and I know it may take a while to start dating again but you will find someone better! Someone perfect for you who thinks you’re perfect for him 🙂
I’m so sorry you are going through this! I also spent 3 years of my life (19-22) with a guy who was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. It sucked always being second best but I dumped his ass and now he’s just a lame, distant memory from ten years ago. Be glad you didn’t waste more of your time on that immature douche!
You know, he really is not in love with A but who he believes she is – his fantasy of what she is like. He never dated her, or had a real relationship with her. He never went through the ups and downs that couples do, the reality of day to day living. To me, that makes it even worse as he is not mourning a real person but a fantasy about a real person. And that is truly sad.
Like PPs have said, you have truly dodged a bullet. I am sorry for the sorrow you are experiencing but I can guarantee you that better days lie ahead. You deserve someone who loves YOU – for the wonderful person that you are. Not some guy who is mad because you are not the perfect stand-in for his fantasy.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. And very gently here… when you say you lost the love of your life, I don’t think you ever “had” him. 3 yrs in a span of a life time is nothing. You will dust yourself off. Definitely dodged a bullet here.
This breaks my heart.
It seems like you are taking this really well. It’s natural to feel some resentment towards A. You also are keeping a good perspective, knowing that it is really not her fault at all.
I wish you all the best of luck. It seems like you have a really supportive family and that is a blessing.
I know you will find a man one day who will treat you right. I’m so sorry this man didn’t turn out to be who you thought he was.
He really does need professional help…Who is still obsessed with their highschool crush. I still remember the guy I was “in love” with in highschool and I saw that he was getting married. I was so ridiculously happy for him. Even my exes I love to see people happy. How does it work the other way around. He is obsessing and I would not put too much worry into him. As soon as you move on you will find someone so amazing who loves you for you. I lost my ex HUSBAND to another woman when I was pregnant with our son. (he got her pregnant too, classy huh?) and I thought my entire life was over (like really over) and finally one day I picked myself up and I met a man that would never dream about doing that to me. We are getting married in ten months and I could not be happier.
HOLY SHIT, GIRL! 🙁 that’s terrible, wow, I’m sorry! And you are so lucky you dodged that bullet before you got married!!!
Sorry to hear hun.
Thank you all for the continued support. It was nice getting out with my mom and dinner was wonderful, however as luck would have it, one of my very good friends called me up and told me that her BF had just proposed and asked me if I wanted to meet up with her on tomorrow (today) for lunch, on her. Bees, I can honestly say that I am thrilled for her. They’ve been together for almost 6 years, it’s about dang time. But, when she called I couldn’t get all of the sad out of my voice, not sad because she was engaged, but sad because I am going through a sad time right now. I mean, what’s the chance that on the DAY my BF and I break up my friend gets engaged?
And now, here I am being a shit horrible friend because I should have made her feel so excited, and instead I think my reaction hurt her. I told her that it was so exciting and “about time”, but I can’t lie Bees, even though I am happy for her, I just couldn’t put myself in the same happy place she was, not right now. Even though I agree with all of you Bees here, my ex is a horrible person, he’s troubled, and he needs serious professional help, it is still hard to turn over that new leaf and start from zero. I do think I will get over this, quicker than if it were a healthy relationship, because it is easier to get over a “ladouchebag” (I was referring to him of that tonight when I was talking to my dad and brother about going over.)
Anywho, I told my friend that I couldn’t make lunch tomorrow because I already had plans with my dad and brother, to which she replied “Well take a rain check on them, I just got engaged we have so much to talk about, plus I’ve got something important to ask you silly!”. My gut is telling me she wants me to be a bridesmaid, and really, right now I don’t know if I could set aside all my personal problems and be there for her. Helping someone plan their wedding when you just broke up with your boyfriend of 3 years doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. I know I should be a good friend and understand that right now it’s about her, but I am just not ready to be in a situation like that. I don’t know when I’ll get over this pain in my heart, and I don’t know if I can be a good bridesmaid right now.
So I just told her, “No, I am really really sorry. I would love to meet up with you, but my dad and Brother are helping me do something tomorrow that just can’t wait.” I mean I could have told her that Ex and I just broke up but I didn’t want to lay that on her. I should be over the moon and celebrating with her, she shouldn’t be spending this once in a lifetime period comforting her mopey friend who is going through a break up. But anywho, she sounded hurt and a little upset and just said, “Oh okay I guess. Call me when you’ve got time then.” and hung up.
Ugh I am such a horrible friend. This happened at like 9:00/10:00 tonight so I just curled up in my bed and cried. I cried because my heart still hurts over the break up when I know I should hate him and be happy I dodged a bullet, I cried because I didn’t give my friend the reaction she deserved, I cried because the idea of packing up all of my things from the house I shared with Ex (I am going to break my portion of the contract, lose my deposit, pay any fines, and I know he won’t be able to afford it without help so he’ll either get a roommate or be forced to live elsewhere) is so sad. Not only am I losing my relationship (even though it was a horrible one, I can see that now) I am losing my home. Yeah, I have my childhood home, but its not mine. I had made this house mine. I feel like I am going to lose the friends that I made through Ex (like mutual friend) and I feel like people are going to think that I am some jealous B if I tell them how horrible he was. Plus I am going to miss my dog sooooo much. The dog is technically ex’s, his friends gave him to him, but I helped raise him from a puppy, and love him so much. A part of me wants to just take him, but I am not sure what problems that could cause or if that would really help.
I feel like I am on a horrible rollarcoaster ride. After talking with all of you yesterday I felt much better. After going out with my mom and having girl time, and eating dinner with my family (btw my brother is a senior in high school, so he’s not some man-child living at home) I was feeling like I could face today with a brave face, get what needs to be done, done, and start to move on with my life. But here I am now an emotional wreck again. I had one of the worst nights in my life, and I am upset because I just want to be over all of this. I don’t want to be sad about breaking up. I want to be happy about finally being out of a bad relationship and I want to look forward to meeting Mr. Right who is going to love me for me. I want to be there for my friend and I want to be able to be as happy for her as possible, without having to hide how sad I am over a break up.
I’ve seen it on here a million times. A girl gets engaged, is so excited, and then gets upset at her friends when they don’t seem interested or as excited as she thought they would be. I feel like my friend is going to think that the reason I am not acting like I am super excited is because I am jealous of her, when that’s not it at all. I think I might have done damage to our relationship, and I don’t want to lose anyone else in this horrible process. But I can’t tell her that Ex and I broke up because it isn’t fair to her.
Sorry for all the incoherient thoughts. My mind is going 1000 miles a minute.
What a jerk! It’s one thing to end a relationship because its not working but he took it to a cruel level. I don’t believe for one minute he never loved you. He is obsessed and obviously can think straight because that is just mean. I really hope he realizes what he lost and you have moved on happily by then. Good luck to you and I am sorry you have to go through this.
I think a good friend will understand. You are heartbroken and need her sympathy as much as she needs your excitement. As long as you acknowledge her and celebrate her life change when you feel better it should be ok. When my bf ( back then) and I got in to a fight I couldn’t even concentrate on anything else and I couldn’t even imagine how I would be if we broke up. You can only do what you can to get through it.
As for your friend, I would be honest with her. Maybe it’s best to send her a text message. “I’m sorry I couldn’t meet up with you. I’m really happy for you and didn’t want to bring you down but my boyfriend and I broke up. I have to move out of our home.” A true friend won’t fault you for not being there since you’re having a tough time.
Now, with regard to your friend – I would send her a quick message, and be honest. Say that you’re really happy for her, but that you’re going through a lot of stuff with the breakup. Tell her that you have her in your heart, but that you’re just not ready to face the world right now and that you’ll make it up to her when you’re feeling stronger. Definitely don’t leave her in the dark, especially as it sounds like she’s already a bit hurt by your reaction.
Be strong! Things will get better. Do whatever you feel is best for you – stay in the house, kick him out, keep the dog, whatever.
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