(Closed) Relationship of 3 years ending because of another woman. :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
4844 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your ex is an immature idiot. You dodged a bullet. Sorry it hurts right now, but you’re far better off. 

Post # 63
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry to hear about your situation.  But keep in mind your relationship is not ending because of another woman but because of your EX-SO’s obsession over someone else who made it very clear that she did not want or love him.  This has nothing to do with her but just a living breathing excuse for him not to committ to you.  Move on…you dodged a huge bullet.  But please do not blame this on her.  She didn’t lead him on by having a silly high school crush what a decade ago?  He has some issues and he needs to work through those while you move on and find someone amazing who deserves to be with you.

Post # 64
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

What’s wrong with him? Who gets obsessed with someone because they had a crush on them… Really. I’m wondering if she used to be less attractive when she had a crush on him and now that she’s good looking he’s “in love” with her. Either way he is shallow as heck as he hadnt talked to her in years. But enough about him, I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁 I know you’re hurting and I know it may take a while to start dating again but you will find someone better! Someone perfect for you who thinks you’re perfect for him 🙂

Post # 65
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m so sorry you are going through this!  I also spent 3 years of my life (19-22) with a guy who was still in love with his ex-girlfriend.  It sucked always being second best but I dumped his ass and now he’s just a lame, distant memory from ten years ago.  Be glad you didn’t waste more of your time on that immature douche!

Post # 66
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You know, he really is not in love with A but who he believes she is – his fantasy of what she is like. He never dated her, or had a real relationship with her. He never went through the ups and downs that couples do, the reality of day to day living. To me, that makes it even worse as he is not mourning a real person but a fantasy about a real person. And that is truly sad.

Like PPs have said, you have truly dodged a bullet. I am sorry for the sorrow you are experiencing but I can guarantee you that better days lie ahead. You deserve someone who loves YOU – for the wonderful person that you are. Not some guy who is mad because you are not the perfect stand-in for his fantasy.

Post # 67
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  And very gently here… when you say you lost the love of your life, I don’t think you ever “had” him.  3 yrs in a span of a life time is nothing.  You will dust yourself off.  Definitely dodged a bullet here.

Post # 68
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

This breaks my heart.

It seems like you are taking this really well. It’s natural to feel some resentment towards A. You also are keeping a good perspective, knowing that it is really not her fault at all.

I wish you all the best of luck. It seems like you have a really supportive family and that is a blessing.

I know you will find a man one day who will treat you right. I’m so sorry this man didn’t turn out to be who you thought he was.

Post # 69
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

He really does need professional help…Who is still obsessed with their highschool crush. I still remember the guy I was “in love” with in highschool and I saw that he was getting married. I was so ridiculously happy for him. Even my exes I love to see people happy. How does it work the other way around. He is obsessing and I would not put too much worry into him. As soon as you move on you will find someone so amazing who loves you for you. I lost my ex HUSBAND to another woman when I was pregnant with our son. (he got her pregnant too, classy huh?) and I thought my entire life was over (like really over) and finally one day I picked myself up and I met a man that would never dream about doing that to me. We are getting married in ten months and I could not be happier.

Post # 70
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

HOLY SHIT, GIRL! 🙁 that’s terrible, wow, I’m sorry! And you are so lucky you dodged that bullet before you got married!!!

Post # 71
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Sorry to hear hun. 

Post # 72
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@Melibear:  Your ex sounds like a deeply disturbed man, and you really dodged a bullet. He obviously has some mental issues. He is delusional, and a stalker. Beyond that, he was totally willing to just string a girl along for years, knowing full well he did not love her, unable to let go of a pure fantasy. He is truly a despicable – and rather crazy – human being, and you are lucky to have not been stuck in a marriage with this psycho.

Post # 74
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

What a jerk! It’s one thing to end a relationship because its not working but he took it to a cruel level. I don’t believe for one minute he never loved you. He is obsessed and obviously can think straight because that is just mean. I really hope he realizes what he lost and you have moved on happily by then. Good luck to you and I am sorry you have to go through this. 

I think a good friend will understand. You are heartbroken and need her sympathy as much as she needs your excitement. As long as you acknowledge her and celebrate her life change when you feel better it should be ok. When my bf ( back then) and I got in to a fight I couldn’t even concentrate on anything else and I couldn’t even imagine how I would be if we broke up. You can only do what you can to get through it.

 

Post # 75
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@Melibear:  I’m sorry you’re going through this. Break-ups are rough and full of lots of ups and downs. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad, it’s normal and it will get better. 

As for your friend, I would be honest with her. Maybe it’s best to send her a text message. “I’m sorry I couldn’t meet up with you. I’m really happy for you and didn’t want to bring you down but my boyfriend and I broke up. I have to move out of our home.” A true friend won’t fault you for not being there since you’re having a tough time. 

Post # 76
Member
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@Melibear:  I’m really sorry that things suck right now, but in the coming weeks and months you’ll realise that breaking up was the best thing for you. He should have done it earlier, but it sounds like he’s immature and erratic, and more than a bit delusional. To be honest, I probably would have fled at the first sign of his little obsession rearing its ugly head – but let this be a lesson to never again get involved with a man who’s preoccupied with someone else. You should be with someone who is 100% in love with you, not someone you happen to physically resemble. What a creep for dragging you through all this.

Now, with regard to your friend – I would send her a quick message, and be honest. Say that you’re really happy for her, but that you’re going through a lot of stuff with the breakup. Tell her that you have her in your heart, but that you’re just not ready to face the world right now and that you’ll make it up to her when you’re feeling stronger. Definitely don’t leave her in the dark, especially as it sounds like she’s already a bit hurt by your reaction.

Be strong! Things will get better. Do whatever you feel is best for you – stay in the house, kick him out, keep the dog, whatever. 

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