(Closed) Relationship rut…could use some advice

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Even though you don’t feel like it, its time to just get up and do some random things together! Challenge your busy stressful schedules and Make a dinner date or go to the movies. Enroll in a class or try something new together- like hiking, photography, horse back riding etc. 

Your health is a big issue, and I’m sorry that you can’t get many answers!

As for the bedroom, I would suggest you also step out of your boundaries ( although Im not sure what type of things you do normally) buy something that makes you feel sexy, try new locations, role play, new positions, watch a scandelous film- tell him everything about himt that you love, even if its dirty talk. Just build each others confidence and libido.

Don’t worry- this too shall pass! Make the best of your days and don’t worry so much. If it helps, get a new job that is flexible and doesn’t kill every part of your life due to stress, and anxiety- Its not worth it.

Post # 4
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ve suggested this book before and have heard only good things from those that get it….

The Love List <– It’s a simple book that focuses on the things that we tend to forget when we get into the day to day… simple things like

“laugh daily” “do something adventureous weekly” “date night monthly” and “review the year every 12mth”

Plus other dailies, weeklies, monthlies, and yearlies.

I really think this could help alot!

Also… there is one part of your post that kind of concerned me, and that is about your jaw and your SO being sick of hearing about it….

I myself have dealt with an on/off neck injury for over a year… at times where I couldn’t even funciton for a week at a time b/c it would be totally locked up… Darling Husband (then FI) was always very understanding and even when he wasn’t a HUGE part of my DS’s life he really helped me… Even when this last flare up lasted for months, including me going to physical therapy he was always more concerned with my well being than the annoyance of it… which believe me it was annoying!

I’m not tyring to “talk up” my Darling Husband or anything like that but what if you had some kind of debilitating injury where your SO would need to actually help you get through the day….

I’m worried that if he’s finding this to be annoying and aggravating that he may be a little more self focused then he should be with you injury.

Not trying to cause an issue.. just saying what stuck out to me.

I do hope that you look into that book though! I think it’s like 10 bucks or so and it really is great!

Goodluck

Post # 5
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am thankful every day for my “old couple” relationship!  i used to think we were boring until I realized what a gift it is to enjoy each other’s company so much that we could sit and watch TV and be perfectly happy.  If you’re really feeling bored, would it be enough to go on a date night? 

I’m more concerned with you saying “I feel bored with myself, to the point that I’m not really doing any of the things that I used to enjoy.”  Is it possible your meds aren’t adjusted or need tweaking?  I have severe social anxiety (with PTSD) and was on meds for quite some time.  I lost my sex drive and wasn’t enjoying sex much, and honestly, I wasn’t feeling much of anything (not in the bedroom, in life in general… oops :)).  My meds were making me numb… and if you’re feeling that way too, it could be influencing how you’re perceiving your relationship.  Definitely make an appt with your dr and discuss this with him.  Changing your dose might be the key.  (Don’t try to adjust or stop the meds on your own~ way dangerous)

I tapered off my anxiety meds about four years ago.  It was rough for a while, and I had to really trust my Darling Husband with how I was feeling, but I am doing better than ever.  I’m not suggesting that you should too, but you could discuss the possibility with your dr.  Our sex life definitely improved.   But initially it was a shock to feel the anxiety again.  I also felt the excitment of life again too. 

Accupuncture helps me~ it’s deeply relaxing.  Maybe you could start incorporating alternative therapies.  It could ease you through med adjustments and provide support if you stop.

I’m betting you’ll find that your relationship is more on track than you’re feeling right now… with issues like anxiety, isn’t it wonderful tobe able to say “I love him, and I love that we can have these different life views and still talk it out and agree to disagree. He makes me feel protected and secure and loved, and I hope (and believe) that I do the same for him…my life feels better with him in it.” 

I’ll be bored to be able to say all that.  Every relationship has phases.  Don’t worry too much about this one. 

Post # 7
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@so_said_ellie:  *shocked face* I started to type “take a walk around the neighborhood”  and then thought that wasn’t exciting enough!  LOL  It’s one of my favorite things to do with my DH!!  Not being on meds made a big, good difference for me, but I am still struggling with the social anxiety.  Not as bad as it used to be, but still there.  My relationship couldn’t be better and I am able to seek other ways to improve the anxiety, so, for me, it was the right decision.  🙂 

Post # 8
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh! I have been in the same position you are. When I took my meds for depression and severe social anxiety, my sex drive became zip. I found that as years went by, it just got worse. I talked to my Fiance, and ended up cutting back a little on my meds with his support, and my world got sharper right away. Hobbies I had set aside out of apathy were interesting again, I had more excitement over things, and after about a year I was able to get off them completely. When I was on my meds, I got nothing from sex. It felt like somebody poking my arm. It sucked. Even just lowering my dosage a little bit immediately changed things!

 Er, not that I suggest that as a solution!! It was very, very scary coming off the medications, gack. Just like going cold turkey, but worse because it lasts longer. Only go there if you’re ready. I also considered changing the brand of medication to get some different results, I hear that can work well. Good idea. I was only able to get off them by leaning heavily on my Fiance, and for a few months I still had “panic” pills, in case I started slipping.

Right before I came off my medications, I also realized that although my FI and I talked everything out, we were frankly becoming a little boring. I made efforts to put a little mystery into life! I would bring him surprises and build up his excitement over them, and he suddenly started bringing me home flowers or little presents randomly! Even though we lived together, we would go on a formal dinner/movie date like a couple who just met and not talk about anything serious going on in life, only talking like we’re just getting to know eachother. Ah, I dunno, but maybe you could try to do some new things together? Sharing new experiences is fun.

@jjmomma: I like your idea of accupuncture. Me, I went to a chiropracter! It got my neck in line and some brain blood flowing and made me feel very relaxed.

 

@so_said_ellie: Sorry if I’m not much help, but I do offer you tons of support and well wishes. I am certain you’ll find some way out of this rut! Your relationship sounds strong, so I’m sure it will grow out of this. Good luck. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I feel you, I was thinking of writing a similar post about Mr. Roux and I being in a rut. We are really broke at the moment, and we just don’t DO anything together. I’ve also found I don’t really do anything I love by myself either.

One thing I did do on Friday was ask Mr. Roux to make a list of 50 things he wants to do before he dies, 10 places he’d like to travel to etc. On thursday we are having a date day and comparing our lists and do some dreaming and planning.

I also have depression and anxiety, not on meds at the moment though. I’ve found the rut has made my depression flare up and I’ve pretty much just been sleeping, eating and watching tv all weekend.

 

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