- 4 years ago
Hi guys, I just want to semi-vent/get other people’s experiences on something I’ve been dealing with lately…
I got married in November, with just me and DH’s immediate families present. It was great, but it’s like after the wedding, things with my mom became… different. She’s been having struggles with work, so I know that’s part of it, but she’s had work issues before and not been this distant. I try to start text conversations, and it’s like pulling teeth with her. I say I miss her, and she doesn’t respond. She’ll only answer direct questions. She’s NEVER been like this before and it’s breaking my heart, I feel like I’ve lost one of my best friends… when I talk to her on the phone (I’m always the one who has to call, although she’s been like this since I first started dating my DH; she even TEXTED me instead of calling to tell me she was in a car accident a few weeks ago), she’s a little better, but she’s still not very responsive when I say things like I love her or I miss her. It just feels like she’s pulling away. I thought that maybe this was all in my head, but Darling Husband agrees with me that she seems off since the wedding.
On top of this… my older brother (my only sibling) got married last week. They eloped, sort of. My parents were there for their witnesses. Neither my parents nor my brother said anything about this beforehand, even though my mom said she was planning it for them for a few weeks… I’m super happy for them, but feel so incredibly left out. My brother, his now wife, and my parents all live within like 15 minutes of one another, and I’m the one who’s over 1000 miles away. It’s like just because I’m not in their immediate vicinity, I get left out… I’m not insanely close to my brother, but we’re not in bad terms either, and I would’ve dropped absolutely everything to be there. If he and his wife had just eloped without my parents, I’d understand, it’s the having our parents there and leaving me out that stings. I know I had a small wedding myself, but I purposely had immediate family there to eliminate hurt feelings from the people who wanted to be there the most…
I know I shouldn’t take it personally, but yeah it did hurt and basically added up to this feeling of me being excluded from my family after I got married. I LOVE my family and they mean the world to me, which is why I’m struggling with all this… my Darling Husband basically told me to just call my mom and talk to her, which I probably will do, sans bringing up my brother’s wedding because what’s done is done and they did what worked for them, I just need to work through my feelings on that myself. No need to start drama over something that can’t be changed anyway. But I do want my mom to know that things feel different for me and I want to be closer again. I’m terrified that she’ll just be closed off and tell me that I’m imagining things, but I guess I don’t know until I try.
Anyway… does anyone else have any advice, experiences with family being more distant after you got married? I’d like to hope I’m not alone in this, as sucky as it feels