(Closed) Relationship with family different after marriage…?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
6594 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

That seems pretty weird and I’d almost peg it to something other than your marriage.  My contact with parent’s hasn’t changed a lick, aside from mom asking me if I wanted her to save some baby furniture they got in a house they’d purchased (sure! just don’t need it quite yet).  My husband’s parents don’t appear to have changed either.

All I can think if it is wedding related is she thinks you’re secure now and don’t need her.  But it doesn’t excuse not bothering when it’s clear you are putting in the effort.  Honestly I’d ask her what is going on and tell her how lonely it’s making you feel.  I still get the feeling it’s probably something else entirely.

Post # 3
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

This is happening to me – I’ve been married almost 4 months. My mom had an almost stroke (but didnt! – all the signs were there tho) and was taken to the hospital, lots of tests done, etc. I didnt find out until 12 hours later. 

Anytime I ask her she says she doesnt want to bother me. Which I think is silly, and I told her that I want to be involved, know things, etc.

I think she just doesnt want to “butt in” or maybe be overbearing MIL?

 

Post # 4
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

My mom has been kind of this way (not calling, only replying via text, etc) since I moved halfway across the country, but she has been out to visit me half a dozen times so I know she is definately trying to keep up the relationship (and she tells me she misses me a lot everytime I catch her on the phone). I think in my case it is more of an out-of-sight, out-of-mind type thing. It is nothing personal, but with so much going on in their days, my parents just don’t have as much time for me as they used to. It does make me sad, though.

No chance it could be similar for you?

Post # 5
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s sort of common for parents to react like this. You go from being their daughter and now you have a husband and your own family. It’s a huge transition that takes some getting used to. You’re not just “you” anymore, you’re a “we.” 

Post # 6
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Ya, this happened to me. My mom and I were really close before I got married and had a child. When I got pregnant, she was there for the shower and what not because she lived in the same state. Well since she lives 12 hours away, they moved 3 years ago, she has yet to come visit us nor has she made it up for any my sons birthdays. It hurts because my dad, step mom and step sister come up every year for little mans birthday and when I ask my mom to come up to visit or for a special occasion, I feel like she sees it as an inconvience. My sister who has a five year old too lives about an hour away from her, so they see each other more often. But my mom will make some remarks sometimes that are like ‘oh little A will enjoy this or that’ or Nana would love to take A on a trip to disney and she even went as far as forgetting my son in a conversation. I’ve tried many times to understand, and I do to an extent. Ya we live so far away but at least try to make an effort. My husband and I are more inclinded to visit my dad when we have time than my mom because I almost feel as if they don’t make an effort why should we.

But my mom did tell me a long time ago, since I’m married and live near my inlaws, she doesnt worry about me as she does my brother and sister who live near her. Maybe that could be it.

Sorry its so long.

Post # 7
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wait, did you say only your DH’s immediate family was there? Or were your parents at your wedding too? If they weren’t, then I’d say that’s DEFINITELY the problem.

I think a lot of parents have a hard time ‘letting go’ of their baby. They start distancing themselves to help them get used to the fact that you don’t ‘need’ them anymore (but seriously, I’ll always need my momma and daddy). My Mother-In-Law had a hard time with Darling Husband getting married (although she took that out on me, not him hahaha). Leading up to the wedding she really distanced herself because I think she was afraid of breaking down in front of him. Now we’re sure to visit her often and keep her involved in our lives so she realizes I haven’t stolen her baby away.

My dad actually had the opposite reaction. He and I never really got along well. We were always distant with each other, never showed affection, and always fought over silly things. But at our wedding, my dad was bawling like a baby. Since we’ve gotten married he’s always hugging me, telling me he loves me, wanting to hang out all the time. I don’t know if he’s just super happy that I’m DH’s problem now instead of his or what hahaha. My mom got a little more distant because she doesn’t want to ‘intrude’ and if I don’t visit her once a week or call her all the time, she gets short with me like that too. I think she’s having a hard time adjusting to me having different priorities now.

Post # 10
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

Honestly I just try and call her like at least twice a week on my way to work (I drive 25 miles so I’ve got time) to just chat. I think that seems to work a bit

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