(Closed) Relationship with SO/DH after kids

posted 8 years ago in Babies
  • poll: If you could compare how your relationship was before having kids to after having kids, what would y
    1 (babies made our relationship much better) : (2 votes)
    5 %
    2 : (0 votes)
    3 : (2 votes)
    5 %
    4 : (2 votes)
    5 %
    5 (babies made our relationship ok) : (2 votes)
    5 %
    6 : (1 votes)
    2 %
    7 : (1 votes)
    2 %
    8 : (0 votes)
    9 : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    3758 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Our relationship went a little down hill. We weren’t ready to have sex let alone a child so after that it was just like okay….whats next… we aren’t the giddy engaged couple most people are. Most people think we are already married (and have been for a while) because we just don’t have that “romantic spark” I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I love him more than anything and I have grown to love him more because of what we have gone through and survived together. and we have a great relationship but it is definitely harder having a child especially because we are so young.

    Post # 4
    995 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Great post! To be honest this has seriously been a worry for me. I’m scared that if we have children we will lose the “us”. Hopefully this poll will show that it actually makes the “us” stronger 🙂

    Post # 5
    2025 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Good poll..I’m interested to see the results!

    Post # 6
    2871 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    great poll idea…we just need more votes.

    Come on all you mamma bees.  Let us know how it is.

    Post # 7
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    this is a fear of mine too. how do you balance kids vs. dh?

    Post # 8
    861 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    WOW, I was JUST having this conversation with SO last night… I would love to see the results on this as well…

    Post # 9
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I can’t wait to see responses to this question, too. Great question! I worry a little bit about this as well. I don’t want to lose the closeness and intimacy we have now, but I know the intimacy will probably decline, at least in the months following the baby’s birth. I hear that the first few months after the baby is born are the hardest? I’m curious as to what the new momma Bee’s have to say?

    Great thread!!

    Post # 10
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Fascinating poll. We don’t have kids yet, so I’m not much help but I’m very interested. I sure know a lot of people who THOUGHT a baby would save an otherwise doomed relationship.  Shockingly, it didn’t. 

    Post # 11
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    We were almost 18 when we found out we were pregnant and 19 when we had our first.  We went on to have 2 more before we were married.  We didn’t get married until 8 years after the birth of our first baby. 

    With that said, our relationship has grown, improved, and become deeper with each of our children. 

    On our honeymoon, I got pregnant with our 4th.  Each of our children have made us better as a couple! 

    Post # 12
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    We only have one baby, and she’s only 7 months, so maybe take what I say with a grain of salt.  🙂  So far, having a baby has been the most challenging and rewarding step in our relationship.  Having a baby changes you, both as an individual and as a couple.  Our relationship has really been challenged these last 7 months; we’ve had to take a hard look at ourselves and at our marriage and the flaws/imperfections we have.  We’ve been forced to deal with issues we could just ignore before.  We’ve also had to sit down on numerous occasions and communicate deeply about our wants/needs/goals/etc… because almost everything changed the moment Addie came into the world.  We’re still kinda figuring out what we want for ourselves and our family, and how we’re going to achieve that, so I think we’ve become a lot more strategic in our long-term planning (or at least I hope we have!).

    Making it through those challenges and difficulties, though, has made our relationship a million times stronger and deeper.  And you know that feeling you had on your wedding day?  That feel of contentment and joy and security and love?  That’s the feeling I get every day when I see my husband and Addie together.  I’m literally tearing up right now.  🙂  Seeing them interact and seeing my husband transform into a father is such an incredible experience.  I am more in love with my husband now, and I would say we have a better relationship now, than ever before.

    Post # 13
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I wonder about this too. Darling Husband and I have a solid relationship. We don’t usually argue, but we discuss issues. We have the same priorities and goals.

    The things i can see possibly becoming an issue are:

    • me feeling like his mother/parents aren’t respecting our wishes for our child, or that they are vocal about disagreeing with our parenting choices once the baby gets here.
    • me needing more day to day help with household chores
    • me getting upset about things that don’t bother me much right now due to being tired, stressed or hormonal.


    Post # 15
    6661 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I’m really hoping that if two people in a relationship treat each other nicely as a rule BEFORE the baby, then that will continue after, even with the added strain of providing 24/7 care.

    Post # 16
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We got pregnant with a surprise baby when I was 18.  At first it made things more difficult as neither of us was really ready or expecting to have such a responsibility or something to bond us together like that.  Many people expected us to get married right away because I was pregnant but weboth said that we wanted to wait and make sure that we were really a good fit together and not just jump the gun because we were having a baby.

    That being said, over time it has made our relationship MUCH stronger. I love seeing Fiance with our son and I love us being together. It was definately the right choice for us to wait and give our relationship a chance before getting married. Honestly, I don’t think it would have lasted if we had done it right away solely for that reason.

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