(Closed) Relationships Are Ending All Around Me.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: When divorce happens around me. . .
    I know we will be fine : (34 votes)
    43 %
    I worry : (17 votes)
    21 %
    I worried with my ex but not now : (6 votes)
    8 %
    Relax and have a glass of wine. . . or two. : (23 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I look at it a couple of ways

    1) Only my Darling Husband and I can control our relationship so what happens to other people doesnt affect us

    2) Try to look at why what they had didnt work. Was it something I could learn from

    3) Ending a relationship, while hard, is not always a bad thing in the end. My mom is remarried to a man that I consider my father even though I only met him at the age of 12. She is happier now than she ever was. Sometimes when it doesnt work out, it only gets better.

    So in the end I just move forward and control what I can control. My own relationship.


    Post # 4
    5892 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Read books by John Gottman and make sure you know each others love language!

    Post # 5
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I was the FIRST one in my family to get divorced. DH’s ENTIRE family IS divorced…or at least remarried after being widowed. I used to think divorce was a really bad thing (especially prior/during my first marriage) but now I know the different reasons WHY people do get divorced.

    I’m not one that tries to dwell on the blame of WHO initially caused the problems but think of how I would have changed things. Darling Husband was terrified of getting married before he met me and told every woman he dated that he would NEVER get married. Then he said that all changed when he met me….marriage isn’t easy, we both understand that and we both continously work at it….for me during my first marriage, I became “comfortable” and thought it was always going to be there, but now I know that is the wrong attitude to take. 

    Worry about your own relationship b/c at the end of the day, your SO is the person you go to bed with and wake up with. 

    Post # 6
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I know it can be a little scary hearing all the bad new around you. My advice is for you and your husband make a conscious decision to not take each other for granted, respect one another, work like hell to keep it fresh, dont talk about your problems with other people talk to him it will make you two closer.

    Some people think when you get married the work stops because you have him/her. The work has just begun and each person has a responsibility to put each other first, work on themselves to become better people and better spouses.

    Just remember anything that is neglected or abuse eventually leaves. You love your husband I know you both will use the examples that are presenting themselves to you both and learn from them.


    Post # 7
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I worry, especially if the couple are close to us.

    My Fiance is pretty independant, but a lot of other men aren’t and try to do things in groups. I remember once when I was first dating my Fiance a mutual friend of ours was considering divorce and he tried to rope my Fiance into breaking up with me so they could be single and party together. Obviously Fiance didn’t break up with me, but I know he definitely thought about what his single days were like because his friend kept idealising it. The “friend” didn’t end up divorced either because hd couldn’t find another man to share his misery with him (he is very unhappy in his marriage though, and I frequently hear from other friends that he is still trying to recruit a “wingman” for the divorce).

    Needless to say, that “friend” was craftily taken out of the circle, after most of the wives/fiances/girlfriends in the circle got sick of his attempts at “recruitment”.

    Post # 8
    4656 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I picked both “I worry” and “I know we will be fine.” Because they’re both true. I do worry, but I also believe that my worries aren’t based in reality and rationally we’ll probably be fine.

    Post # 10
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @ThreeMeers:  I totally Agree with you and couldnt have said it better.



    @QueenofCups:  That is horrible! Who seeks out a divorce wingman…lol 

    Post # 11
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I don’t worry about it.

    Post # 12
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    As texasbee:  said, Divorce isn’t easy… infact it can be devastating !!

    And I certainly the first time round, thought it was something that would never happen to me / us.  BUT it did

    And as she said, I too believe there are many many reasons that Divorce happens (altho Dr Phil says the BEST reasons are… the 5 A’s… Abuse – Adultry – Addiction – Amoral Behavior – and Apathy)

    Pretty much anything else you can get counselling for fairly successfully (money problems – inlaw issues – chores – careers – kids etc).  So all is not lost… BUT ONLY IF THE 2 PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER AND ARE WILLING TO WORK AT IT.

    That is the key… a lot of folks won’t put the work in… so it is easy to throw in the towel at the first bump in the road

    And as an Encore Bride, I can tell you there will be BUMPS… sometimes BIG BUMPS

    It really is WHAT A COUPLE DOES about them that makes the difference, you ignore them and they are only gonna get bigger and worse !!

    All you can do is vow with your Hubby to do your best… to take care of each other, and the relationship that you have.  Communication and “connection” are key.  If you don’t grow apart, then apathy won’t set in.

    And having been thru a Divorce, I have to say that there is indeed a POINT OF NO RETURN… when a Divorce is not only obvious but the BEST / ONLY CHOICE


    And that is when a couple can truly say with all their heads & hearts that they’ve exhausted all possibilities… and done all that they can do.  Tried every imaginable thing… and still they can’t get on the same page.  When they BOTH can both calmly (hopefully) look at one another and say they’ve given it their best but it just isn’t working… and then wish each other well.

    As someone who has been thru Divorce, and had that heart-breaking moment… I truly hope that it is one you never have to face (I wouldn’t wish Divorce on my worst enemy… such a feeling of immense failure, lost love, and lost dreams)

    Hope that helps,


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