- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
sorry for the long post in advance, a really need to vent a little…
Here is my situation, last night a was in bed while my boyfriend was sleeping and I started thinking… I couldn’t sleep, so my mind just drove off… do I still love him? Is he the guy for me?
I mean, we have been together for 8 years, since we were 15/16 years old, and he is loving and caring, extra sweet and nice guy. I admire him so much…
We have been living together for almost 2 years and he hasn’t proposed yet and when we talked about it, things really didn’t go like I expected… marrige wasn’t even in his mind! Like he tought 27/28 years old would be a nice age to get married (we are 24) and I was not ok with that…
We he was younger he put it clear that finishing is degree in college was the most important thing for him, that me and our relationship came second, I wasn’t happy about it, but yey, we were young and the college degree is something important for our future. The thing is that he finished his degree 2 years ago, and has been working ever since we moved in together. Then he realises that he doesn’t like his current job, that he wants a new/better one… again, I feel like I’m i second place in his life, and I’m afraid I will always be 🙁
He talks about moving to another country with more oportunities for him (and me), and always asks my opinion about that. But what can I say? “no, you can’t go!” like… I’m not that kind of person and I would hate myself if I ever got in the way of his dreams. But still… I would gladly move to another country for my husband, but for a boyfriend that puts me behind every problem he faces?
He let very clear when we talked about a timeline that he wasn’t happy about his job and he couldn’t think about 2 things at the same time, especially a wedding. And here I am, venting in wedding bee on how frustrated I am of my relationship.
We are happy together, and a few months ago I would answer yes without any hesitation, but now, I wonder… I mean, it’s been 8 years, it’s not enough time for him to decide I’m the one he wants to marry to? I let so clear that I didn’t mind a little bit longer engagement (til we are more settled or he finds a job he loves), and that wedding planning takes time so we would be married let’s say in a 2 year period, it’s not like it’s tomorrow…
The lack of a proposal lets me so resentful to him that now I’m not sure I want to marry him at all! What is he waiting? For someone better? I don’t get this, we are so great together, we laugh so much and play and live our lifes so happily. This is so important to me, why can’t he bend? He says he wants to marry me, have kids and grankids and have a house with a backyard and stuff like that, it’s not like he is scared of commitment… he wants everything to be perfect, his job his career, finances… before proposing, but that moment will never come, because life always get in the way!
I find myself almost crying because I don’t understand why he waits. And the more I wait the less I’m sure about wanting him as a husband.
In the other hand, the idea os leaving him is painfull. The idea of him with another woman just rips my gut! I love him so much… but I’m afraid the distance between us is getting bigger with his delay 🙁