Post # 1
Just wondering from reading some threads on here.
Some people seem to be in happy effortless relationships and some people seem to have to work so hard and face so many issues to keep things going.
I would like to believe that once you find the right person for you and settle down that the relationship could be easy and effortless but is that realistic? Does that mean that the people that have to work hard everyday at their relationship might not be with the right person and should find someone better suited for them so that they dont have to work that hard at the relationship everyday? These are just my thoughts no offense to anyone in either of these situations.
I would just like to know what is the norm for the ladies here on the bee.
Thanks for taking the poll!
(feel free to comment too!)
Post # 3
For us it is effortless and never feels like work. We’re in the camp that believe if you find the right person, it is easy. Some won’t agree that is true, but for us it is. We have both in the past been in relationships that were a lot of work and looking back we realize it doesn’t have to be that way.
Post # 4
I think there’s a middle ground. Most days being with my SO is effortless, but if we are super stressed or tired it will be harder. I think the most important thing to remember is that even if it seems effortless, there will be a time someday where it will get hard for a while, and you have to be willing to do hard work to get through it.
Post # 5
I love this question! I feel that my relationship is great. I also feel that every relationship takes effort. What you put into it is what you get out of it. It also is crucial to be, and be with, the right person. I believe like attracts like and every relationship is a learning experience. I don’t regret any of mine.
My Fiance and I get along remarkably well. We rarely, if ever, argue about anything. We’re both passionate and loving people who are very affectionate towards each other the majority of the time. We stay in communication continually. We respect each other as individuals and we also respect our precious bond as a couple. We’re fortunate to have the same likes, dislikes and similar personality traits to each other. We have the same goals and priorities. We always put each other first. We are both thoughtful, kind and considerate of each other. We’re both very sensitive and intuitive people and we read each other very well. I feel very, very blessed.
But I will never take my relationship for granted. I know it takes work and effort and attention. I’m never going to neglect paying attention to him or the relationship. Taking someone for granted is the first step down a slippery slope to more serious problems. If you value your relationship – give it time and love. Keep the connection strong. Treat it as though it’s an entity of its own. Because it is.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Most of the time things just come together and work for us, but there are moments when it takes conscious, focused effort to get through a particular situation. For example, right now we are under a lot of stress as Mr. LK is interviewing for new jobs and we are closing on our first home in 2 weeks. Between the job stress, the financial implications of watching a huge sum of money walk out of our account for that downpayment and closing costs, the stress of packing our current home, the stress of assuring that DS finishes 8th grade on a strong note (and aces his high school level exams), and the fact that out stress ball cat has gone into total meltdown mode and yeah… we’ve had 2 spats in the past 3 weeks. Right now we have to be very concsious and aware in our interactions because we are both on pins and needles from the stress. Our communication is more likely to breakdown in this situation, so it’s work to make sure that we keep the lines open and give each other the benefit of the doubt if things go a little wrong.
Post # 8
While I think our relationship is effortless, there are times when life throws curveballs at us. I like to think that we’re a team and can take on anything together. It might not be easy, but I don’t think that it’s saying our relationship isn’t easy.
I think we’re a good fit in that we know when we need space from each other or when we just need to be left alone. I get stressed pretty easily, and my Darling Husband knows how to talk me off the ledge. I want to say that I do the same for him. So I think we do a lot for each other to make our relationship effortless most of the time.
Post # 9
@2PeasinaPod: This is what I was trying to say. You said it better than I could.
My Fiance and I are similar to you and yours.
Post # 10
I voted for “Hard Work! We have to try every single day… “
In our case we both work and try every day to improve ourselves and in turn it amounts to working on our relationship. If I nag one day, I work on not doing it the next day. If I allow stress to get to me and take it out on him, I work on it. I know he does this as well.
If it were just me, I don’t know if I’d take self-improvement so seriously but I do feel a drive every day to be a better partner. It’s not to say that I don’t accept myself as I am but I certainly have room to improve.
Post # 11
It’s not work, exactly, but I have a hard time calling it effortless. I can’t quite figure out the word for it. It’s…mindful, maybe? I love our relationship right now, but I don’t want to take it for granted. So we both ‘work’ on our relationship constantly, in a ‘how to make a great thing better’ way, but it’s not hard or taxing work — more like keeping in mind as we grow and change individually how to grow and change together.
Post # 12
great but we have to work at it sometimes. There are days. . .
Post # 13
Thanks for confirming to me that THAT does exist. When people hear about relationships like yours they tend to think its fake and/or a fairytale!
Post # 14
@Sunfire, sounds like you got lucky too!
And very wise advise, thanks!
Post # 15
Hmm. I think it’s a mixture. Our relationship is effortless, but we work at it everyday too. Of we don’t it’s easyfor one to take for granted the other, or be completely oblivious to any emotional or physical stress that parter might be under. My making an effort, we keep our lines of communication open, thus kweeping it effortless If that makes sense?
Post # 16
I wouldn’t say we’re completely effortless, but I wouldn’t say we really have to “work” either. We both are natural researchers and we’re interested in each other, so learning to understand each others moods and meanings isn’t really a hard struggle.
I struggle more within myself to have a good attitude, to not assume, to control my words and actions, etc. –far more than I struggle with him.