(Closed) Relationships, Intimacy, & Truth (Speak Up)

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I don’t think you are crazy. My heart breaks for you.

Something has caused you to make unhealthy decisions and have unhealthy behaviors. You acknowledge this. You don’t ha e to dig up 23 years of repressed feelings for therapy to work. It just helps to unlearn those unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy ones.

Ilove sex. But my life doesn’t revolve around it

Post # 32
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

This isn’t meant to be harsh but I notice a few things. First of all you seem emotionally immature. Sex is not a reflection of love and how often someone has sex with you does not necessariy correlate with how much they love you. I agree with PP that you are putting WAY too much pressure on him. Your partner cannot be responsible for your happiness and self esteem. Second of all, I would vomit if my Fiance asked me to do couples porn. I’m not even judging because everyone is different but don’t be surprised if you don’t get then answer you want. Third of all, there is nothing wrong with liking sex but if you’re calling yourself a “sex addict” then that is a problem. Any addiction is something that needs to be dealt with.

I think this relationship needs to be put on hold and you need to get some therapy and straighten yourself out.

Post # 35
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

FutureDrAtkins:  “But I would take reliable/dependable/loving over exciting/unpredictable/lust any day of the week.”

THIS. I coudn’t agree more. I think you need to decide which you want. I know for me, it’s easily  reliable/dependable/loving. I want a family of my own one day, and that will be a huge adventure for us. It all depends what kind of adventures your after. But I will say, I chased excitement for a while, then realized it wasn’t good for me at all. I needed a stable, calm, loving man. I may not get butterflies everytime he walks in the door, but he cares and protects me like no one else could ever. And he has my heart for that, and many other reasons. it’s a calm love, but it’s the love i feel i need the most in my life. I’m so happy with it. Lifes all about choices, and love is a choice too. ๐Ÿ™‚

Think on it and decide which you want more, and then go from there. Feel free to message me as I’m a free spirited girl and know what you mean with all those travel and adventure desires (cant help you on the pornstar ones though….not my kind of adventure.)

prayers for you bee! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 37
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Yeah I stopped at wanting to be a porn star as a child growing up. 

1.  Porn is like rated R, how did that even get on your to watch list? I sure as heck didn’t know I could profit from having sex when I was middle school let alone elementary when i started thinking of what “dream job”. 

2.  Just because he’s not inspired at the moment doesn’t mean you should be.   i attended a talk in college saying that, in order to succeed, surround yourself with people who are successful.  If YOU succeed in your dream, it had a high possibility of inspiring your SO to be more ambitious.

Post # 40
Hostess
9689 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

jen9000:  I think we are just more worried about your relationship because you are a self proclaimed “sex addict.” Sex addicts are notorious for looking outside of their relationship for fulfillment. You could self-sabotage your own relationship by not seeking help. I definitely don’t think you’re crazy, not even a little. I just think your lack of intimacy with your Fiance is resurfacing a lot of pent up/undealt with issues stemming back from long before you met him. Before you can really work on your relationship, you have to work on yourself. I wish you the best!

Post # 41
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

First things first, I feel for you. This is obviously something that is highly personal that is affecting a relationship you care deeply about in a major way. The most important thing is that at this point you have identified the issue and want to sort through it.

 

Don’t let the “YOU ARE MESSED UP AND NEED THERAPY” get to you. It is your choice how you go about sifting through things. I have been through some sh*t in my life and made it out on the other end and therapy is not always the best option. I had both very positive and very negative experiences with therapy and actualy gained a lot more from other means that was more sustainable. Journal, take walks do yoga, try literally everything under the sun and slowly but surely you will start to figure yourself out and get to where you want to be. You’ve got this, lady ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

I heard the advice once that partners with major differences in sex drive are not forever partners. While I don’t necessarily think this needs to be true, there is some truth to the fact that bedroom differences are not necessarily going to change. The decision that needs to be made is “am I okay with this.” It will always be somewhat of a push and pull, and communication is key. If that is something that you can accept I don’t believe that it needs to end a relationship. BUT you need to talk with your partner every step of the way.

Anyway, that’s my two cents <3

Post # 44
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

jen9000: The key with anything like this is getting to where YOU want YOURSELF to be. If you don’t have a problem with your sexuality, then there is no need to have a therapist “fix” you. The only result will be you feeling like crap about yourself.

To throw a metaphor into the mix: By Nun standards I am a trainwreck. By my own standards I am happy with my sex life.

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