Post # 31
I don’t think you are crazy. My heart breaks for you.
Something has caused you to make unhealthy decisions and have unhealthy behaviors. You acknowledge this. You don’t ha e to dig up 23 years of repressed feelings for therapy to work. It just helps to unlearn those unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy ones.
Ilove sex. But my life doesn’t revolve around it
Post # 32
This isn’t meant to be harsh but I notice a few things. First of all you seem emotionally immature. Sex is not a reflection of love and how often someone has sex with you does not necessariy correlate with how much they love you. I agree with PP that you are putting WAY too much pressure on him. Your partner cannot be responsible for your happiness and self esteem. Second of all, I would vomit if my Fiance asked me to do couples porn. I’m not even judging because everyone is different but don’t be surprised if you don’t get then answer you want. Third of all, there is nothing wrong with liking sex but if you’re calling yourself a “sex addict” then that is a problem. Any addiction is something that needs to be dealt with.
I think this relationship needs to be put on hold and you need to get some therapy and straighten yourself out.
Post # 33
kuriousbee: haha I knew you would say some thing like that but trust me he doesnt do steroids he is healthy has hell and eats better than me. He doesnt take supplements he just lifts heavy. He is no where near as any of those typical bodybuilder steroid men that you are refering too.
I know thats not it, he just has a short temperment span that is all and built up family issues within his family.
Trust me I know this haha…not the problem.
Post # 34
ClaudiaKishi: lol no haha… someone posted that lol I gotta go comment lmao!
Post # 35
FutureDrAtkins: “But I would take reliable/dependable/loving over exciting/unpredictable/lust any day of the week.”
THIS. I coudn’t agree more. I think you need to decide which you want. I know for me, it’s easily reliable/dependable/loving. I want a family of my own one day, and that will be a huge adventure for us. It all depends what kind of adventures your after. But I will say, I chased excitement for a while, then realized it wasn’t good for me at all. I needed a stable, calm, loving man. I may not get butterflies everytime he walks in the door, but he cares and protects me like no one else could ever. And he has my heart for that, and many other reasons. it’s a calm love, but it’s the love i feel i need the most in my life. I’m so happy with it. Lifes all about choices, and love is a choice too. 🙂
Think on it and decide which you want more, and then go from there. Feel free to message me as I’m a free spirited girl and know what you mean with all those travel and adventure desires (cant help you on the pornstar ones though….not my kind of adventure.)
prayers for you bee! 🙂
Post # 36
juliaGG: I’ve been told I am very neurotic or emotionally unstable.
I understand my perception of this issue on love and sex is tainted, maybe my sex drive needs to be handled better obviously I am aware my fiance isnt on my level in terms of sex and as I have said several time before I wont make him do something he doesnt want too. I love sex and being in adult film maybe extreme if I was fucking other people but I am not. I just want him thats it.
Post # 37
Yeah I stopped at wanting to be a porn star as a child growing up.
1. Porn is like rated R, how did that even get on your to watch list? I sure as heck didn’t know I could profit from having sex when I was middle school let alone elementary when i started thinking of what “dream job”.
2. Just because he’s not inspired at the moment doesn’t mean you should be. i attended a talk in college saying that, in order to succeed, surround yourself with people who are successful. If YOU succeed in your dream, it had a high possibility of inspiring your SO to be more ambitious.
Post # 38
walk_by_faith: I want him and he is dependable, and loves me dearly it is just the sex part which can be worked on. the porn thing can be my last resort if we didnt workout, but like I said i wouldnt mind if he spiced it up more often or even was up for somthing similar.
ughh…seems like everyone is just saying its my problem yea I love sex and I am aware me and my fiances sex levels are the same which is fine, I am just happy he knows how I feel and today is the day that he breaks it down for me. then I can see what happens between us if anything I just want to be with him.
Post # 39
forgotusername: yea maybe that is it just wanting him to be more ambitious too. like i just know we can conquer the world if we wanted to, and we have but last month just has been up and down and our sex life i feel like isnt going anywhere and I hate doing the same thing over and over again. he wants to travel too, but at the rate we’re going its hard and I want us to live you know, I dont want to be those couples who have dreams and are together and jus settle for the typical lets have kids and stay in this city for all of our lives. and then think of the dreams I couldve had, I mean we are young and why not live it and try to change it and be happy together get our feet wet. I guess he isnt ambitious rightn now, he was when we first met but this new job and family issues and my sex problem…just sucks right now.
I think he feels like life is life and he has to settle for what is going for him like his trucking job, his heart is in fitness and training and I know he isnt happy cause when he gets home he is always grumpy and tired and I tell him if he wants to be a trainer or work at a gym just go for it you dont have to be driving trucks all fucking day. If you want to do it do it, I wont judge him or hate him or dissapprove. I love and respect him I just want him to be happy but I cant make him happy if I dont know whats eating him and if he so closed off. He is very quiet and introverted as am and its hard to communicate sometimes especially for me.
I have a feeling things will workout. the porn thing can wait, I can start with merchandising.
Post # 40
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
jen9000: I think we are just more worried about your relationship because you are a self proclaimed “sex addict.” Sex addicts are notorious for looking outside of their relationship for fulfillment. You could self-sabotage your own relationship by not seeking help. I definitely don’t think you’re crazy, not even a little. I just think your lack of intimacy with your Fiance is resurfacing a lot of pent up/undealt with issues stemming back from long before you met him. Before you can really work on your relationship, you have to work on yourself. I wish you the best!
Post # 41
First things first, I feel for you. This is obviously something that is highly personal that is affecting a relationship you care deeply about in a major way. The most important thing is that at this point you have identified the issue and want to sort through it.
Don’t let the “YOU ARE MESSED UP AND NEED THERAPY” get to you. It is your choice how you go about sifting through things. I have been through some sh*t in my life and made it out on the other end and therapy is not always the best option. I had both very positive and very negative experiences with therapy and actualy gained a lot more from other means that was more sustainable. Journal, take walks do yoga, try literally everything under the sun and slowly but surely you will start to figure yourself out and get to where you want to be. You’ve got this, lady 🙂 🙂 🙂
I heard the advice once that partners with major differences in sex drive are not forever partners. While I don’t necessarily think this needs to be true, there is some truth to the fact that bedroom differences are not necessarily going to change. The decision that needs to be made is “am I okay with this.” It will always be somewhat of a push and pull, and communication is key. If that is something that you can accept I don’t believe that it needs to end a relationship. BUT you need to talk with your partner every step of the way.
Anyway, that’s my two cents <3
Post # 42
FutureDrAtkins: maybe so, if we’re ment to be together, we will be, and If I am a freak that is fine, I have no problem loving sex, I just want whats best for him and us, and just want open doors for both he and I, there is so much out there in this world, so much oppurtunity and options, money, adventure, experience, I want all of it I feel like Im going to explode sometimes.
I dont think people understand how stressful it is to explain whats going on in your head when you dont even understand yourself sometimes.
any way things for the advice. Maybe this battle is just something within myself…I’ve never really been normal or typical, I have always been different and ive known that the day I was born. after all I am an artist and I am very sensitive and passionate in all I do.
me and him will talk about this issue and move from there today. hoping for the best.
Post # 43
freshflowers: thank you so much, this is probably the best response Ive gotten. I too have been in theraphy in and out when I was younger and my own parents put me in there, like I said I fucking hated it and I much rather work it out with those involved “my fiance”, I just needed some outside advice but clearly many of these people responding are taking it as a sex addiction, truth is Im not ashamed of my sexuality or sexual intentions. Including my fiance, we just need to find even ground in the bedroom like we once had when we first met thats what I am getting at, and as for as ambition and aspirations go, It is a work in progress and I know he loves me and today Is the day we will work it out. I just hope he understands where Im comming from is all.
lol I do have a journal but dont really use it much haha…I work out 5 to 6 days a week and lastnight after I messaged him, I spend like 2 hrs outside under the stars listening to music thinking about all this and what I really want in my life and if I am happy, I am happy he is everything to me, just wish he was more ambitious and did what he really wants to do, cause he can and he’ll do great life is stressful right now I know that and I just want to overcome it all and do things that will better both of us and I am willing to do porn I always wanted too and it can really help us both and build our future together, but Just us too. we dont need to fuck other people nowadays porn is everywhere and so typical why not do somthing different with real couples and passion and love and reality…
Then again I am completely fine with him not wanting to do porn but we can make personal videos lol no matter what I respect him and his decision on these topics and my issue.
Post # 44
jen9000: The key with anything like this is getting to where YOU want YOURSELF to be. If you don’t have a problem with your sexuality, then there is no need to have a therapist “fix” you. The only result will be you feeling like crap about yourself.
To throw a metaphor into the mix: By Nun standards I am a trainwreck. By my own standards I am happy with my sex life.