(Closed) relative getting married in the same year

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I hate to sound mean, but yes. It’s not up to you to dictate when her wedding will be. I’m sure your mom will be plenty focused on your wedding and her shower will be second place in comparison. Just be happy that she’s getting married and loves your time of year to get married.

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes you are overreacting. You don’t get a year and bridal showers can be rescheduled. This is HER wedding. Why is it bad that your mom wants to throw a shower for her niece?

Post # 5
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think so . . . not to seem rude, but you get a wedding day for people to book, not a year.  Last year I had about 4 or 5 people in my circle of friends get married and this year, there will be about 4, including myself and my cousin.  Usually when you hit your 20s through your thirties, you have to expect that multiple people will get married in that year.  And, your mom throwing your relative a bridal shower doesn’t take anything away from your day.  Your family and friends will still show up and celebrate you and your fiance.

Post # 6
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Both of you can get married whenever you want. The only reason to get upset is if your weddings are the same weekend with the same guest lists. Honestly though, while you have every right to be upset, there are 52 weeks in a year and no one owns the copyright to any of them.

As far as the bridal shower vs the wedding, again, as long as they are not on the same day, there’s nothing you can do and it doesn’t do you any good to get upset over it.

Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Aww.  Well I think it is overreacting to say that you don’t want her to get married in the same year as you.  You can’t own the year.  She shouldn’t haveto put off her wedding because of yours. 

However, I do feel bad that after your planning and preparation, she decides to have her wedding when your shower was planned.  Was your shower moved?  Who’s planning your shower?  Did she ask your mom to plan hers?

I can see why you would want your mom to focus on your wedding, particularly since the wedding is so close to yours.  Maybe you can just talk to your mom and mention your concerns.  But try to be understanding if she really still wants to do it.

Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I know in some cultures it’s considered bad luck to have more than 1 family wedding per year, but since that isn’t the case here: I think you’re overreacting. She can schedule her wedding whenever she wants… just be happy she didn’t plan to get married the same day as you! ๐Ÿ™‚  

Post # 9
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Yay – we’re date twins! I do think you’re overreacting – I doubt she’s trying to steal your thunder or whatever and your mom seems to be supportive as well. Are you close with your cousin?

We have about 5 other weddings this year & most of the people who were engaged after us are getting married before us – I don’t mind it at all. We’re all a great resource for each other we’re our own little support group. Try to see the bright side, you guys can help each other out.

Post # 10
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You are overreacting.  My fiance and I got engaged just after his sister and her boyfriend (although our engagement was in the works for 3 mos before theirs). Anyway, her wedding is in May and mine is in July.  Our bridal showers and bachelorette parties are all different months to keep the events as separate and special as possible.  She has a little anymosity about it (a lot) but that’s how it is. I would never wait an entire year to get married just because her wedding date got chosen first.  I have attended up to 5 weddings in the same year – each is unique, and special, and perfect.  Try to get together with your cousin and explain that you guys should run dates by each other first since you have so much going on, but don’t complain that it’s all in the same year.  What a special year of love and laughter for your families!

Post # 11
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sorry, but you are overreacting a bit. It may seem like a problem to you, but your weddings being in the same year should be no issue. If her wedding date was set first, would you have extended your wedding out a whole year to accommodate that? I know I wouldn’t!

Six months after I got engaged, my Maid of Honor got engaged. She set her wedding for… a month after mine. Now, it doesn’t bother me at all (she has a date she’s always wanted… just like I had). The only issue with it is for both of us to fly across the country for each others’ weddings while planning our own.

My cousin also just got engaged (more than 8 months after I did). She set her date for… the exact same date as mine. Now, she never paid attention to my date, so it wasn’t intentional. Needless to say, her family made her change the date so that people could attend both.

So, I would say that you have a right to be upset if the weddings were the same weekend… but not the same year.

Post # 12
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m sorry you feel that way. ๐Ÿ™  But, I think as long as the weddings are on different dates and the events are on different dates, then everything should be fine.  Look at it this way, it will just be a year of fun celebrations for your families!

Post # 13
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this way but it’s only the same year. At least your not in my situation, my Fi’s coumsin just recently announced he’s getting married 2 weeks before us!

Post # 14
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m going to have to agree with everyone here- you are overreacting. Just because you’re getting married one year, doesn’t mean that she can’t. At least she didn’t put her wedding right before you, or even worse-the same date!

Post # 15
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m sure it must be frustrating to have to shuffle around plans for your shower when you were excited about it. That said, I think everyone else is right that you just have to be happy for her. My sister, two cousins and I are all getting married within 9 months, if it makes you feel better ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with what most of everyone has said, but I would like to add something. I understand how you are feeling. I have been there before with the wedding conflict. My cousin and fiance’s brother all got engaged within a few months of us, & one wedding is before ours and the other is after ours. I was “uughhhh” at first, but I promise that with time the feeling will subside. It is hard at first to accept someone is “stealing your spotlight” for lack of better phrase; I think it is a natural feeling for most people, whether they admit it or not. So do I agree with everyone that you are overreacting, yes, but do I understand why you feel the way you feel, absolutely. Just avoid wedding talk around her for the time being and the feelings will subside. I would say as hard as it is, try and be the “bigger” person and move the shower date back a week or ahead a week. This could avoid any drama or resentful feelings (trust me I know ;)). I wish you the best! Remember that she can do whatever she wants, but in the end you get to have your fabulous wedding as well. Try not to let it get to you and focus on your fiance! ๐Ÿ™‚

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