Post # 1
what should I do? today, my grandma came up to me and said “lisa called. she is coming the wedding but never got her save the date.” To which I replied, “lisa? there is no lisa on our list!” Apparently, she is some distant relative that i have never met, but i have met (and invited) her sister and mother, both of whom i have met a handful of times, on the request of my grandma. i did not even know that this lisa person existed! My grandma told her the save the date must have gotton lost in the mail. what should i do? We are already over budget and are paying for the wedding ourselves, but don’t want to be rude!
I just can’t imagine why she would even expect to be invited, especially since i have never once seen her at a family function, while i see her sister and mom about once a year (and she lives right by her sis and mom, about an hr from me).
Post # 3
That’s difficult – only because her mother and sister are invited and technically you are related to her, and your grandma said she was invited. As it is only one more person, I would invite her just to prevent family issues. I have seen how family issues grow and escalate to something much bigger than they really are, and it’s not good… I would also tell your grandma to check with you before telling anyone else they are invited!
Edit: As grandma requested that the sister and mother be invited, is it possible that she just forgot to tell you to invite Lisa?
Post # 4
Ooooh. Grandma did a VERY bad thing. Honestly, I would send Lisa an invite, no guest, and hope she takes the hint. Or else make Grandma call her back and take back the invite. Haha, no, that’s kinda mean.
Wow. I just would be so livid at my Grandma… seriously, why didn’t she tell you Lisa existed before? Not ok.
Post # 5
evabostonterrier, i had put the mother and sister on my list originally and then was going to cut them for budget reasons and my grandma requested they stay on, and since i am friendly with them and see them sometimes, i decided to invite them. she wrote out the list of all the addresses from her side of the family and there was no lisa on the list! we went back and forth over the list a few times and she had crossed out some of her relatives that I barely knew, and even told me once that the mother had other children that should not be invited, but lisa was never mentioned.
My grandma already verbally invited the children of several guests, for a total of 7 preteens at our adult reception, (and put them on the shower list for my Maid/Matron of Honor, so I had to add them, and now this (lisa is not a child, she is nearly twice my age, just to be clear)!
Post # 6
It sounds as if grandma has definitely overstepped her role! As Lisa has been informally invited and as it seems that you do not want to invite her, perhaps grandma can give her a call and let her know that “unfortunately I was mistaken and the venue can’t hold any more guests” or whatever she wants to say.
I don’t think the situation can just be ignored because Lisa thinks a STD was sent and perhaps she would even show up to the wedding (she’ll probably think that the invite got lost too or something- people do interesting things sometimes).
Either way, I wouldn’t let grandma near the guest list any more! Make everyone go through you for information!
Good luck with however you decide to handle this!
Post # 7
If you have never met Lisa, I doubt she’s just itching to go to your wedding anyway. I would tell your grandma that she has to call Lisa and tell her that she will not be receiving a STD nor an invite. That Grandma did not have her on the original list, and you are unable to accomodate her now. This was not YOUR mistake, it was your grandmother’s and SHE needs to own up to that!! Also, tell your grandma that you are overbudget and over capacity, and you have already solidified the guest list (which she already provided input for). Tell her that you would appreciate if she wouldn’t invite any other relatives without checking with you first, since you CANNOT accomodate them! This isn’t YOU being rude, this is your grandmother dropping the ball, and that’s not your fault! I think it’s important you set your boundaries with her now, or you will have a bunch of people show up to the wedding who aren’t even invited (that she hasn’t told you about yet!).
Post # 8
so I decided that I would just suck it up, eat the cost, and invite Lisa (and her husband, who i also did not know existed.) we are sending out invitations next week. My grandma just informed me that Lisa’s mother (my grandma’s cousin) called because it has been a week since Lisa called and she still has not gotten a save the date. WTF??? We sent out our save the dates 6 months ago, and invites are going out next week, and yet she needs a save the date?
Post # 9
I think you’ve made the right decision—formulation the guest list stinks because things like this happen! I’m sorry, but I have a feeling it’ll work out great.
Post # 10
I agree w/ virginia, you did make the right decision! I also agree that she’s crazy for basically expecting a Save-the-date card this late in the game!! Sigh… family 🙂
My Fiance and I recently had something like this happen to us in a Krogers! We ran into one of his cousins from his dad’s side (who he’s not close to) who had asked us to send her invite early so she could make travel arrangements. My Fiance couldn’t even remember her name… lol he just knew she was a cousin. Sigh. Luckily I’m far enough away from his massive family that I don’t have to hear about this stuff & they have no way of contacting me except through my FI! hehe
Post # 11
I wouldn’t worry about the STD since you’ll be sending out invites shortly. She probably just wants some sort of clarification that she’s actually invited and the invite will provide that. She won’t need, or care about, a STD once she has the invite in her hands.
Post # 12
It was really nice of you to invite not only her, but her husband as well! I went through a similar situation where one of my cousins (who I haven’t seen in years and barely knew to being with) e-mailed me to invite herself to the wedding. Not only that, but she went on to invite her husband, 2 year old child and newborn!
Post # 13
Yeah, that sucks but overall I think you made the right decision considering the circumstances….can I tell you that Fiance grandmother did the EXACT same thing….was just inviting folks and NOT even telling us…a mess!
Post # 14
My mom did the same thing to me! She ran into a girl I was friends with from ELEMENTARY school and told her to keep an eye out for her AND her families invite! I was so mad I am completely ingnoring it and pretending I knew nothing of it. Just like you we are over budget and paying for most of the wedding ourselves. I hope everything works out!
Post # 15
I think you did the right thing. With family, you have to kind of go with the all or nothing rule (ex. invite all 1st cousins or no first cousins) because you can’t really play favorites with family members. Using that thought, if Lisa’s sister was invited, Lisa should be invited as well. Yes – your grandma should have remembered to tell you about her from the beginning but to not invite her looks like you’re playing favorites.
Post # 16
For any future brides in this situation, I’d suggest that you have your grandmother (or whichever family member is taking liberties with your guest list) correct their mistakes. You can give them whatever reason seems appropriate (small wedding, keeping family numbers as close to even between sides, etc., although stay away from “we don’t see them” or “she couldn’t pick me out of a line up” convos). Good luck!